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Confidence with people

I spose this could come under confidence... 

 

I'm in year 10, never been in a relationship, hardly ever had any friends of the opposite sex to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have girl best-friend. For the past year, a girl has been in 4/6 of my classes. She seems to have alot in common with me, like she always has her music playing in her earphones, she draws, shes a bit shy, etc. Ever since feburary, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. She just seems so interesting. She's already in a long-term relationship, that kinda hit me hard when I found out, an I know this may sound crazy but I swear at times shes interested in me aswell. But all I'm asking for is to get to know her now. You're probably gonna think I'm stupid for being so interested in someone I've never had a casual talk with.

It's not normal for me to just go up to people, or girls in this matter and just start talking to them. She'll just think I'm up to something, or somethings wrong with me, lol. Like, the other week when she was abscent from maths, I decided to sit on the table that she usually sits on, and just write a bunch of my opinions and poems on the table, an it had my name. The math lesson after, yep, I'm almost 100% sure I saw her read it. I was almost sure she was gonna say, 'did you write this?' or something. But no, she said nothing.

I need the confidence to be able to talk to girls without coming off like Ross Geller does when he's flirting....(Yes, the few times I have talked to girls, that did happen, LOL)

Re: Confidence with people

Ross Geller hey *cringes*

I don't think it's silly, in fact I actually think it's quite normal to not want to talk to the person you're interested in. I'm sure she knows you wrote the poems etc on the table.

You're doing fine though, I'm 25 and never been in a relationship (too many issues) and that's okay with me.

These links might help you a bit:

This one is girls trying to get the guys attention, but really they sort of work both ways. Just ignore mentions of wearing mascara. That might be a bit odd. Smiley Tongue
http://allwomenstalk.com/10-ways-to-let-someone-know-you-like-them/

Also RO has a good fact sheet on deciding if you're ready.
http://au.reachout.com/Choosing-to-have-a-relationship

Re: Confidence with people

hello

it can be pretty hard to muster up the courage to talk to someone you think is interesting even when you might have a tonne of things in common. you could start off with just a hi how's your day been ?

like sagira said relationships aren't meant to be rushed. they happen at different times for different people. kinda like puberty Smiley Surprised i said it. srsly though, i'd rather not be in a relationship than be in one that just isn't working unless there was some exceptional reason like you were the last two people in the world and humankind depended on it.

or you could just sit back and admire and enjoy the flavour and spices life has to offer.

anywho, sounds like year 10 is treating you pretty well. have a nice day Smiley Happy

Re: Confidence with people

You see, thats the thing. I've never, ever gone up to someone and asked, 'hi, hows your day been?'. It would just seem totally weird if anyone at my school saw me doing that.
In english today, again, I swear she was trying to grab my attention, in a less obvious way. She was sitting next to her friends, but wasn't talking or being part of the group as usual. She always stares into blank space, looking like she has a thousand thouhts going on in her head, and she was doing that in my direction, which was weird cause I was sitting at the back of the class. I feel as if we always take occasional glances at each other, then when the other looks, quickly look at something else. Am I just dellusional or what?
Daaagh!

Re: Confidence with people

It might be a bit weird at school, but when you remove yourself from that environment it's a lot easier. Are there any events coming up, or activities that you are both involved in that you can have the chance to talk to her?

But really, at the end of the day when you're standing outside before you go into class...you can maybe say hello as you walk in. Or if you pass her in the hallway, just smile and say hello. It's a start and if you are persistent with it, should lead to conversation.

She seems a little curious and interested. So give it a go and see what happens. You can't lose anything, because it's something that doesn't even exist yet. Smiley Wink

Re: Confidence with people


@_sagira_ wrote:
 So give it a go and see what happens. You can't lose anything, because it's something that doesn't even exist yet. Smiley Wink

EXACTLY.

 

As for what to say, everyone has different thoughts on this. If you're really stuck, ask her simple questions about herself. Nothing too personal (like "Are your parents divorced?") and nothing that sounds like a survey (like "On a scale from 1 to 10, how well do you think our history teacher is covering the geopolitical machinations following World War 2?").

More stuff like "How was your weekend?" "What do you like to do?" or specific things "Are you into *band*?" and you can then ask what other music she likes. It should all just flow from there. Smiley Very Happy

 

Otherwise, I don't know if being an adorable dork ("adorkable"?) can work for you but it works for me sometimes. You could open with something like: "I'm really hoping I can think of something to say after 'hi' because I haven't thought that far ahead. Uhm. I'm *name* by the way. So, uh… hi." Then hopefully she'll say hi back and then there'll be a really long awkward shy silence until one of you figures out what to say next. Which is really adorkable.

 

Hope that helps! Keep the original point in mind though: you've got nothing to lose. And if it doesn't happen, then it probably would never have happened anyway, so at least now you know for sure! Smiley Happy

Re: Confidence with people

Haha! Adorkable! Brilliant! Smiley Very Happy

I'll have to try that some time! Sounds like a unique way to start a conversation Smiley Tongue. Say it with full confidence and I think it will do wonders Smiley Tongue

Re: Confidence with people

I get why you feel it's a bit ridiculous to start speaking to her now. You know what's the great thing about your situation though? You can ask her about class. All you have to do to begin conversing is to ask her a few times for her opinion/help on something you're working on.

In/before/after class, this would likely start with just sentences. 

If you asked her on facebook then you can string it out a little longer, you don't have to get into a full conversation if you're not ready but a few more questions to get a bit closer.

 

Re: Confidence with people

Exactly! School can be a great conversation starter! Just make sure you don't make every conversation about school, makes for some boring conversations some times Smiley Tongue. Trust me, I've done it before Smiley Tongue.

But yes! Use your class as a conversation starter! Doesn't have be a long conversation, just ask her one question about what you're currently doing in class and you will know you've already taken a step towards your goal! Smiley Very Happy

Re: Confidence with people

Hey everyone, this is my first post on this forum so I hope the formatting isn't too bad. The reason why I chose this topic to post in first is because confidence issues is something I've also been dealing with for a long time and I wanted to share some of the strategie I've used to help it.

 

The Creep 7: While I can't claim to understand everything you're experiencing, I've also had problems communicating with the opposite sex; wanting to talk to a girl and regretting that fact that I didn't is one of the worst feelings ever! Like you, I was also scared that I'd come off as a creepy guy. And again, just like you, I didn't want to just live with this so I started trying to look for ways to increase my confidence not just around girls, but with people in general.

 

Btw. being in year 10 and not being in a relationship isn't anything to be ashamed of. I myself wasn't a very social guy until halfway through year 11 and even then, I never developed 'real' social skills until I was in university. So regarding the fact that she's in a long-term relationship: I've never believed in 'dibs' on another person even if that person is in a relationship. I think it's quite normal for a person to be interested in more than one person. So if she is showing interest in you, I say go for it!

 

As for confidence with people in general: for me personally, a big problem was me not being able to express the things I wanted to say. I thought stuff like: "what if they think that I'm an idiot? what if they think I'm a creep? what if...?" But now, I really believe that are issues that I simply made up to protect myself. I saw other people saying funny and silly things and they weren't humiliated, people actually liked them! This is what led to my earlier conclusion. But at the same time, I also realised that I wouldn't be able to pull off something like that without first boosting my confidence.

 

These are the things that I did to boost my confidence: actively improving myself. I started to dress better, learn as much as I can not just about academia but other stuff, and I'm also learning Spanish right now. Generally, things that you do that you can be proud about yourself. The most important thing I've done, however, is being honest not only to others but to myself. When I say being honest, I mean not being ashamed of the person that you are. When I wanted to have a coffee with someone else and they asked why, I was tempted to say "oh because we can talk about our assignment etc (insert other reason)", but instead, I started to be honest and say stuff like "I want to hang out with you" or "I like talking to you". This was really hard for me at first, but after seeing how people didn't bag me out or anything, I started to have more confidence with people in general.

 

Anyways, I hope I wasn't too verbose or break any of the forum rules. If you want, I can elaborate on any of the things I just said. Good luck!