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Confusion about sexual/romantic orientation

I (female) am confused as I know I like guys and girls too at least some degree, and I also know in general I am more sexually as well as physically attracted to girls, but when it comes to romantic attraction it’s dependent on the individual not gender. I currently am with someone who is unsure of their gender identity but biologically a male. I love them, and want to be with them, but feel really guilty for my attraction to girls and the part of me that wants to be with a girl. I just can’t think about it without feeling guilty and I don’t know how to be more at peace with it as I’m almost completely certain that I want to be with my partner and not a girl, though part of me wishes I had some experience with a girl. I don’t know how to be less confused about it and less anxious about it 


Re: Confusion about sexual/romantic orientation

Hi Avi,


Thanks so much for reaching out here, there's a fantastic community that I'm sure will be able to offer you support. 


I hear that you're feeling confused about gender identity and romantic attraction - this stuff can be really confusing, you are absolutely not alone there. I'm not sure if you've checked it out, but ReachOut have developed a few resources about gender, sexuality and relationships that I found super helpful. 


I liked this quote a lot: Gender, sex and sexuality are all pretty complicated ideas – and definitely not as black and white as some people might think. The most important thing to realise is that you’re not defined by your sexuality or gender. You’re you, and that’s awesome. 


The article also talks about the different ways that we may be attracted to people, all of this stuff can exist on a spectrum- there's also a link where people share their own experiences and stories. 


This really resonated with me: "Just remember: no matter what your gender identity is, or who you’re attracted to, you are enough, exactly as you are. You don’t have to fit a neat label. You can just be you"


I hope that some of this is helpful - you're not alone. Have you spoken to your partner about these feelings at all? 





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