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Contradictions and Rapid Change

I don't know if this is in the right section, sorry, first post.

 

Ok, so all my life I've experienced highs and lows as everyone does, but recently, particualarly in the last to years and most notably this year these highs (and lows) are more the norm than a balanced state of mind, also they quickly jump from one to the other. One moment I can be bursting with excitement, energy, happiness, ideas and have so many thoughts running through my head that my tongue can't keep up, and I just can't stop talking, everything that pops into my head becomes a jumble of fast, excited words; and then in a moment, flat, quiet, tired, annoyed, angry (at nothing specific) and sometimes grumpy, although this low usually does not last long, it is nearly a dailly experience, sometimes occuring multiple times a day, sometimes not occuring for days at a time. Now that I have that off my chest I can start onwhat's really bugging me.

I am getting used to dealing with my rapidly flickering mood, and the people around me know that it's just something that happens with me and are very supportive of me, they know how to bring me back to my regular high.

 

What's really bugging me is that I've noticed something about me that I think is quite evident and quite frankly scares the hell ot of me, but no one else has.

 

Most people know me as an extroverted person who wears his feelings on his sleeve and as a people person who is creative and highly tolerant, butof late I find at times my personality completely flips, leaving me quiet, analytical, judgemental and direct. While this isn't really a notable problem in of itself and while people do pick up on it after a while, (and ask if I'm ok) it still scares the hell out of me for a few reasons.

 

1. It seems like there are two very opposite sides of me, and I'm not sure which is really me or if I am a fusion of the two (but if I am why does it flip from one to the other and not just mix into a single me????)

 

2. These traits match those of someone very close to me who took their own life, while I have never had suicidal thoughts (and could not bring myself to do it anyway as I know how shit it felt to be left to deal with it) it worries me that 2 years on I am beginning to mirror these traits (although granted they lived a long life and had other reasons for taking their own life)

 

3. (this one is purely theoretical and is more of a musing than a concern, I like to mull over possibilities and take an interest in psychiatric issues) If my personality flips were too become of a frequency akin to that of my mood swings how would I be able to function in normal life?

 

This could be down to hormones, stress or even just a change in personality as I mature but it still worries me, sorrry for rambling.

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

Hey @Mr-Brightside 

 

I don't think you're rambling at all, and you know it's pretty cool how self aware you are. You seem to really know a lot about yourself, and your mood, which is not something everyone is aware of.

 

It's interesting you have said that only recently has your personality started completely flipping and you find yourself being quite and anayltical instead of your usual extroverted self. I wonder why it is has just started doing this more often? It's good that your friends notice though. It shows that they can tell when you might not be feeling 100%. Have you ever asked them what they think of it? Sometimes the best advice we get is from the people who are around us.

 

You mentioned noticing similarites between yourself and someone you know that took their own life. This can be pretty confronting, but just because you have similar personality traits doesn't mean that you are the same person. Even you said that you have really different experiences in life and this person may have been through some things they felt were hard to manage. Its important to remember that you are completely in control of your own life! And hey, if it is something that's on your mind or that you're worried about you could always chat to a GP (doctor) or psychologist. They are the pros at that sort of stuff. Never hurts to get a second opinion.

 

What you're going through and the changes you are noticing really could just be to hormones, or stress, or maturity. I think you just need to stop and ask if it is something you are concerned about? Or whether it's something you are just adjusting to as your body or life changes? If it's something that is making you upset or overwhelmed then it's good to just notice it and keep an eye on it.

 

Why don't you think about it tomorrow and write out like things in your mood that are okay and manageable, and things that might not be manageable if they keep flipping... then you could come back and let us know what you think?

lanejane

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

Thankyou, hearing that (about similarities not making me the same person) from a stranger is really great, (I think) its good to get an opinion from someone that hasn't met me, also thankyou for pointing out that I know myself, I never really thought about that, I'm lucky I do though because it makes spotting changes in myself easier, will be sure to keep you posted. Thankyou again Smiley Very Happy

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

@Mr-Brightside Being self-aware and being able to reflect is like one of the best traits to have I reckon. You can get a long way in life by just noticing how you're feeling and behaving, and being able to change it if you need or want to!

 

Look forward to hearing more from you on the forums Woman Happy

 

lanejane

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

PS if you get bored we are trying so hard to count to 1,000,000 haha. We need all the help we can get.

lanejane

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

Hey @Mr-Brightside 

 

It sounds like you're super in touch with your emotions which is a great thing! It's a gift to be able to pinpoint subtle and extreme changes in your mood, emotions or behavior as you've done. I am like you in the sense that I tend to analyse myself and try to work out why i'm behaving or feeling a certain way, particularly when i'm doing something or acting a certain way that is out of the ordinary for me. 

 

I'm really sorry to hear that someone so close to you took their life. I've never been in that situation, but I can imagine how hard it must be to deal with. As @lanejane mentioned, if you are worried about these rapid mood changes and you feel that they're interfering with your life, it might be a great idea to chat to your GP or psychologist as they will surely have more information for you. It might help you put your worries to rest. 

 

Personally, I believe that collectively, all of your traits contribute to making you who you are - even if some of them are somewhat contradictory or opposite. Hope you're feeling a bit better, let us now how you go!

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

Thankyou all, and I guess I do know myself well, I have been acting in a Shakespeare production, we are doing A Midsummer Nights Dream and it has been a great outlet and focus for my excess energy, I've found that by using that energy instead of letting it wasteI haven't been having mood swings or lows and feel great Smiley Very Happy

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

Hey there,

 

As the other people have alluded to, it's really great how self-aware you are. Recognising that there may be something not quite right is often the hardest step to take, so you've already done great! And as @lanejane said, it's important that you also take time to reflect upon whether or not this is something that is detrimentally affecting your lifestyle. If that's the case, then there is nothing wrong with seeing a professional about it, I mean if you were physically sick and not sure why you'd go see a doctor, right?
This is also an age where many people go through the conflict of perceived self vs. reality. It's a huge period of change, where we become much more self-aware, and analyse our own behaviours compared to those around us. This can be quite confronting for some people, which is very normal! It's all about learning who you are, and learning how to be the person you want to be. It sounds like you're very in touch with this, although might be experiencing a little bit of confusion along the way. Don't stress, it's all part of the process! I hope everything sorts itself out for you, but it sounds like you have the right attitude and everything will be fine. Keep us posted too!

Re: Contradictions and Rapid Change

Sorry it's taken so long for me to get back, everyones advice and assurance helped me heaps and I no longer experience these manic highs and lows (except if linked to exams, then yeah....... Smiley Tongue )