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Cultivating and maintaining friendships

Hi Reachout , 


Friends are there to keep company, counsel, comfort, entertain and reassure us. if we are lucky even treat us. 


I'm fortunate to have friends who are inviting and accommodating, listen well.


It's important to appreciate , share, patient and them treat kindly.


But I'm unsure how to maintain them ? 


I'm okay with saying goodbye because how we grow as a people. I find space useful in a platonic relationship.


I usually allow people to do their own thing and I suffered from low self esteem from not feeling seen, notice or desired in my adolescent years.


As an international student I do not have an income so my gestures should be meaningful not based much on monetary value.


I can invite them to gigs , trips and I like share a meal enjoy their company.


Respect their boundaries when their let me in their personal thoughts and vulnerability.


There this voice in my head telling me I need to do something to make them feel good  constantly and desired and my concious say don't force anything or creep and prod  them out unnecessarily.


I'm looking to show I appreciate them in subtle ways in meaningful gestures and take genuine interest in their lives even if we have different interest or upbringings.


I would be satisfied if I understood them on a deeper personal level.


I thought of call them to ask how their doing but would like to be considerate and make it worth their time when I do show up.


I don't think I have a full understanding  of relationships if I'm being honest. It's like surfing when there is wave you play and when their isn't you play football or something else.


High school was an artificial experience for me and confusing.


Give me a few ways to develop my friendships in organic mutually pleasurable and thoughtful ways.


Ideally we feel positive about being friends and we're not obligated in anyway to feel forced to do something we don't want to.


My parents are Asian so their love to me is through material means but relationships are a bit more than material.


Let me know how you people keep relationships alive and nurtured ?


My friends IRL Id rather we meet up in person and attend something. 


I'm too dependent on the online stimulation.


Re: Cultivating and maintaining friendships

Hey @BunnyWalks!
I just wanted to start out by saying that the amount of care and consideration you put into maintaining friendships and caring for the people in your life is really lovely to see Heart 

And you're so right! It's important to be appreciative of friends and feel cared for in return.

I understand that sometimes it can be hard to keep connected with friends as often as we'd like, especially with a student lifestyle!
That being said, often it's the little things that help people feel appreciated the most. Even if we're busy me and my friends send each other music the other might like, videos they could find funny, or even articles about topics that interest them. Just so the others know that people are thinking of them. 
I'm a bit like you though, i do better seeing my friends IRL. Going out with friends is nice, but so is staying in Smiley Happy Studying together (or trying to) is always an option during term time, or even just watching terrible movies together. 
Not sure if any of those sound like options you may like too Heart Overall i have to say, it sounds like you already put a lot of effort into your friendships and I imagine they can tell! Smiley Happy

We had a live chat on Accessing Mental Health Support Online! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart

Re: Cultivating and maintaining friendships

Hi Ecla ,

Keep sending those suggestions. 🤗

Sending each other dank memes via snapchat is good for a giggle.

I'm anxious that my gestures maybe too grand.

Like Dinner is too serious in an Australian context.

Drinks are okay.

Camping a playing in the woods is a good way to mentally be away if we have like 3 days.

Haha studying with friends . Youre a comedian @ecla.

In terms of platonic relationship I like intimacy and space. I desire to be the low maintenance friend and part time dad keeping checking in with them at parties.

I'm motivated if I'll know I'll see them. That way I'm in the moment when cultivate other talents.

(Exple: Feb to June = uni

Aug - November uni )

January meet up in Bali , Muso festival, or even meet at the races with a group I'd invite
Them but are there other more intimate, subtle and light hearted ways to nuture the friendship ?

Oh and just having car rides to are hit or miss. It's great if we can enjoy the ride in quite.

I'm reassured you've notice my thoughts on this.

Re: Cultivating and maintaining friendships

@BunnyWalks yeah studying with friends isn't always the most productive Smiley LOL
have you ever had a picnic or gone swimming etc with friends in Australia? it's super fun and chill! (just remember the sunscreen Smiley Tongue)
oh are you going to Bali? that sounds exciting!

We had a live chat on Accessing Mental Health Support Online! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart

Re: Cultivating and maintaining friendships


I have been to house parties and have explored nice beaches on my own :

portsea and
diamond bay ,
Venus bay
Mount Martha beach too

It's awkward as in I can make bookings and I don't have a car so I'm afraid to look dumb in front of my mates and pick good mix of chemistry among my friends.
( Some them were an item and broken up for what ever reason.)

Bali cause everyone wants to save some cash. Phu qouc has been an affordable destinations maybe I'll book a trip next year.