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Dating older people.

Um hi this is my first time on this site. So well I am a bi female (I prefer woman though) and there is this girl I like. She likes me back too but we aren't dating cause of some personal stuff she has going on. That's not what I want to talk about though. I like her very much yet we have a bit of an age difference. She has just turned nineteen, and has friends who are anywhere from 16 to 22 or something like that. I have only just turned 16... 

I have tried to look up laws on this since she is a legal adult and I am still a minor. I can only find laws about actually having sex, but nothing about dating (which of course doesn't necessarily involve sex).

Does anybody know anything to do with this sort of situation?

Re: Dating older people.

Hey  @liraeli , I disagree with @pandality  with words I don't care to express.

 

First, welcome to RO. I'm new to and I've already found it's usually helpful.

 

Some people just have a preference for older or young, it's like having a preference for boy or girl. Nobody can understand it, it just happens and for now that's all we know. My parents are 12 years apart and it doesn't bother anyone and it doesn't bother me or anyone else.

 

Secondly, I can relate. I'm gay and I've always had crushes on older women ( I once had a crush on my friend's wife...I win Smiley Tongue). It's the same. It's preference, and nobody knows why or how but it happens.

 

On the laws, I do recall hearing something about it being illegal for under 18’s to have sex with over 18’s but I don’t think there are any laws about dating. At least I don’t recall the police officer that came to my school to speak about it saying anything about it.

 

Good luck. I honestly hope things work out! Tell us how it goes.

 

-GP (I have no medical qualification, I just reaslise that's what my initials are)

Re: Dating older people.

Hi @liraeli – as @GirlPentheus said, welcome! Smiley Happy

 

Just to be clear, let me preface this by saying no one here is a lawyer.

 

I'm pretty sure it's okay to go on dates and hang out with someone who is older. Society may see certain age differences as inappropriate, such as a 13-year-old hanging out with a 30-year-old, but there isn't really a law against it as far as I'm aware.

 

As for the laws, they really only talk about when sex is okay. You can see some of that info over on Lawstuff which has it broken down by state/territory. For example, certain kinds of sex are illegal in certain states if you're under 18. It might be worth checking it out to see what it says for the laws in your state/territory, just to be sure. 

 

Once you're over 18, society seems to not care too much. I'm 34 and my girlfriend is 24 — a 10-year difference. My parents are 4 years apart but I had a friend in high school whose parents were 25 years apart!

As GirlPentheus says, it's more a question of personal preference.

 

Hope that makes you feel more at ease about it. Smiley Happy

Re: Dating older people.

i think when dating someone age is important only if you let it be. when i told my friends that someone 20 was dating someone almost 40 they were pretty shocked lol to say the least

friends are the least of that perons's concerns though. they're more worried about their family "discovering" the difference

damn society sometimes lol
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Re: Dating older people.

Hi @liraeli 

 

I think there are alot of people who can relate to your situation and concerns regarding age. It is difficult when legalities are involved with someone whome you are interested in. I guess it is always an option to have this discussion with the girl you are interested in, when the time is right of course, because you mentioned there are personal issues going on for her then. Having an informed discussion with each other would help with where you both stand.

 

@fosterthepeople 

I definitely agree... Age can sometimes merely be number. I have a family member who is engaged to someone 12 years older than they are- but hey it works for them.

 

goodluck @liraeli I hope there  ends up being a happy beginning with your new interest.

Re: Dating older people.

When I was 20 I dated a 28 year old, so there were definitely no legal issues there.

 

But the age did make a huge difference. We were at totally different stages of our lives, she wanted to settle down and have a family, and I wanted to travel, which she had already done.

 

I think its ok to be in a relationship with an older or younger person, but eventually, someone or both will have to make a huge concession they wouldn't otherwise make. You see this happen with people in a long-distance relationship as well.

 

Maturity is a huge factor in a relationship, and I just don't see a way past that. Any teenager that thinks they are mature enough for an adult is just kidding themselves, and any adult that seeks a relationship with a teenager is probably immature in themself.

 

Sure, there's nothing wrong about a huge age difference in a relationship, but there is something right about a relationship between two people, who are at the same stage in their lives, both now and into the future.

 

I've been in enough relationships to say that any of them could have worked out. There's not just one person out of 7 billion that is my soul mate. But the one that was doomed from the beginning for me, was the one with the biggest age difference.

Re: Dating older people.

@tesla-weapon

very interesting perspective about people being at different stages of life and maturity level as well

i wouldn't call myself a relationship expert but i do know they come in 'all shapes and sizes'

so what may work for one person doesn't exactly apply to the next individual

the thought just popped into my head that what if there are no rules. and that maybe on a people level we just want there to be rules to make life a little bit easier somehow. lol

i think i've lost the plot hahahahahah

Re: Dating older people.

Thanks every-one for their comments. This is something I have been personally concerned about and am very glad to hear all of your stories and opinions. For an update, things haven't changed much yet but the personal issues have lessened. 

Re: Dating older people.

Smiley Happy Smiley Happy Smiley Happy

 

happy for you

Re: Dating older people.

'Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter' (Mark Twain). Wayne Bennett instructed CEO of the Newcastle Knights, Matt Gidley, not to judge age but performance when he arrived at the Club last year. They progressed as far as the Preliminary Finals this year on the back of the efforts of veterans Danny Buderus and Willie Mason, among others. Age is just a number. Your own age shouldn't concern you, I don't think. Nor should the age of your partner or prospective partner. If they make you happy and treat you well, then I say go for it! Just be conscious of the situation and potential risks, that's all...