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Dealing with hurt feelings. ( Long read 20min process slowly)

Hey Reachout, 


Ive been getting sensible help consistently and we've created some helpful methods.  I want to get well with major improvements.


Best part there we're some notes on how to respond to problems.


I've found myself to be in a hissy/irritable mood  lately.


The past three years I have used alcohol at social gatherings to look approachable and not look too foreign in an Australian context. 


Lately at a Christmas function my cousin had whiskey mixed with cordial and offered me a drink and I took it due me not being able to turn it down and its pressured environments culturally. It's Australian culture to drink during holidays.


I'm aware that alcohol can give me just random outburst of angery yelling. 


This one time I was with a female friend of mine . I remember she said something in which I had felt hurt as it was something I felt I was deprived of in my personal life.


I called her an idiot in an attempt to gain her attention and just wanted her to admire me like she did this other friend.  


I was wrong to speak to her that way and it didn't felt like me at all. I took her for granted that way. I remember her look on her face and thought oh no I actually hurt her and didn't do anything.


We never brought it up and I don't know if we want to acknowledge it . I've done something inappropriate in the past and she forgave me.


But I recognize this is an issue with my behaviour rather than hers during that moment.  I could have communicated my feelings from the effect of the subject.


Just so we're clear we've stop seeing each other and I don't think we're particularly helpful to each other goals in life. 


Small part of me says be compassionate and but an accountable part says


" Bunny walks what you did was hurtful and has consequences on another person. You can't treat people that way.


Sorry ,reflection and asking for someone's forgiveness doesn't cut it. "


" Treat mean to keep her keen " that saying is passed around a lot in Australia. I thought that be the thing to do. Nope it wasn't.


I'm wishing her well and wish her all the love, strength and compassion. But now as friend time apart can help us grow and test that friendship of we do see each other again. 


I don't thinking about her is productive for me right now.


I reckon these outburst occur when the hurt I experience is compounded and it reaches breaking point and just lashes out.


In Australia, it just the hurt I experience from:


1. my identity being somewhat restrained,


2. feeling helpless about my future ,


3. discouragement from mum and dad about being Australian,


4. being unable to simplify my story to my peers and self disappoinment in my academic career and the unfinishing of my personal goal.


5. Emotion fatigue from being present to both my parents as they bickered over their political views , beliefs and the breakdown of their relationship.


6. Cultural isolation in class especially when I'm grouped with mandarin speakers.


7.Fatigue from being too available online to peers, classmates and family.


8.Both my parents not being helpful in Australian life and Western lifestyle.and just giving bad advice in general.


9.Hurt in my early childhood from exclusion and  physical and emotional hurt from teachers and family members.


10. Hurt from me telling my self I was underserving the future I wanted and self abusing behaviour.


I think I was reflecting my feelings of worthlessness on to those around me from learned behaviour from my parents when speak about each other behind their own backs. 


Yeah I think my parents are very emotionally sensitive, ignorant and visibly careless. 


Their financially available during my adolescent but god help me they aren't emotionally useful or helpful and just barely holding up relationship morale.


They're too realist.


Like mindfulness is important but you actually have to deal with the issues in your own life man.


Even I'm grossed out with my own usage of Netflix , porn etc to avoid with dealing things in my own life when I know I need actually emotional self care not sedation from a screen.


I'm going to the local yoga store to see what they have going on.


Also I'm just critical of my own personal need for entertainment  and it's toll on the entertainer ( I'm a Bojack horseman fan). 


And the emotionally volatile world of being in entertainer in the creative industry it is overwhelming. This is a topic for another day.


Mainstream media too it was how I chose to react to negative messages and accept the news which was wreckless.


I've switched off from news sites I onced follow like the SMH , or the ones based in Malaysia. Just feeling disenchanted with the western world from the potrayal.


Anybody or mods but how do I process my behaviour and lead myself to a mentally nurturing place ? 


I'm still contact with mental health professionals and will be making appointments with them for the following year. 


Being on top of your own mental health is a marathon and a discipline. I've got to notice it everyday.


I appreciate If you've made all the way to this post. 




Re: Dealing with hurt feelings. ( Long read 20min process slowly)

Hi @BunnyWalks thanks for reaching out to us I'm sorry to hear that you have been having a tough time. It sounds like you have been reflecting on the things that have caused you hurt feelings, while in Australia and back at home. It can be really difficult trying to fit in and not feel marginalised, on top of the pressures of others expectations. It's even harder when we feel conflicted by different cultural norms, lifestyles and traditions. We can also be our own worse critics at times. In terms of advice, I think what has helped me when I'm struggling is trying to focus on gratitude and the things I am grateful for, especially when everything seems to be wrong. Part of that process is also finding out who I am and what my values are and being true to myself. I know at times it can be easier said than done when there are so many external forces pulling at us or telling us to be a certain way. 


It's great to hear that you have been getting some support and have created some healthy coping mechanisms. What have you found gets you through these difficult times? Being on top of one's own mental health is ongoing and all we can do is try our best and focus on one day at a time Heart I've also just had to edit some of the content and will send you a quick email Smiley Happy