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Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

Background 

 

I met a girl at a university club and would love to become friends. We have had a few chats here and there but aren't anything like friends I would say. She seems to be really friendly at first but now we mostly talk about career related stuff.

 

We mostly talked in our club group / ocassionally dmed her on facebook messenger. I started following her on instagram too a while ago and she followed back too.

Now, the problem is I found her twitter and saw she was really herself and vented out in her tweets. I wanted to connect too but didn't know if I would look like I am stalking her or something. Then I quickly thought, How could following a person on twitter do any harm anyways and clicked the follow button. And then after a while, I saw she blocked me.

 

I was really confused, maybe she considered me as a study/work related friend and didn't want me to see any of her personal tweets. Although we do follow each other on instagram and she posts a story about her food, quotes, etc almost everyday with enough posts about her friends and family on insta too.

 

Also, she has a boyfriend, and when she shared her boyfriends story on insta, I followed his boyfriend on instagram too and he had a twitter link too so I checked that out and followed him there as well and he followed me back as well and in the process I had discovered the girl's twitter. We (me and the girl) are still connected on facebook and instagram tho.

 

Question

 

Now, coming back to the question, I feel like I should say sorry to her as I still want to be friends with her and before things get weird and awkward. Maybe say something like "I'm sorry that I invaded your private space on twitter yesterday. I totally respect your privacy. I hope everything else is good." when I meet her in real life. We have same classes so I could just go meet her at the end of the class and say this. But on the other hand I think I also feel like I did not do anything wrong by following her and now should give her space and myself space from her and probably not talk to her. Although we are at the same uni and might see each other's faces at some point.

 

So what do you guys thinks? I'm really confused Smiley Sad

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

Hi @geek28!

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling confused in your current situation. Navigating new friends and social media can sometimes be tricky when the two are combined as everyone has their own views on what is and isn't comfortable for them online. I think that it would definitely be worth while communicating with the girl at your university club that you're sorry if you crossed any of her personal boundaries. Although you may not view adding her or her boyfriend on multiple social media platforms to be an invasion of privacy, she may think otherwise which is totally okay as everyone has different views! Some people are very private and prefer people that they know in real life to not see what they do online on certain platforms.

Communicating that you added her on multiple platforms because it is what you would feel comfortable with her doing will allow your reasoning behind your actions to be clearly identifiable. It is hard to predict how people are going to respond to what we say but if you feel the need to apologise or clear things up (or both) then definitely do that. Just make sure you are prepared for her response as she could communicate to you that she was uncomfortable. 


Hopefully this advice helps you a little! Please let me know what you decide to do and if you need any more help please reach out 😊


Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

Thank you!

I'm in a class right now where she is sitting too in another group and it will finish after one hour. I plan to approach her after the class finishes and say,

" I'm really sorry if I crossed any personal boundaries and made you uncomfortable yesterday with twitter. I totally respect your privacy. I hope everything else is good between us". Funny enough even my sister doesn't let me follow her 2nd insta account lol. And I totally understand that"

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

I asked the same question on another platform and got a very different reply. I think I am going to let things be as is and not talk about it. 

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

That’s totally fine! As I mentioned in my earlier reply everyone can view and interpret these situations very differently which is okay. That’s why asking for advice is always a good idea and I’m glad that you’ve been able to receive two pieces of advice which have helped you decide how you want to move forward with your situation! 

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

Hey @geek28 hope you don't mind if I chime in. I think with these situations where you're guessing why someone feels a certain way, it can be really hard to know 100% what is going on. There could be so many reasons why she reacted this way that you wouldn't know if you didn't ask. If it's something you ever decide to bring up maybe you could start off by saying something like.. "Hey, is it okay if I chat with you about something?". Her response might be all you need to know about whether she is open to having a chat about it. 

 

Also, just needed to let you know that I've edited your post as one of our guidelines is that we can't share links. 

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

Thanks @happyandhealthy  and @Bre-RO for taking the time to read my message and respond. I feel tidy bit more confident about the situation. Although, I haven't talked to her about it, as logically the other advice I received, it might look more creepy. But I still the felt the need to talk to her in person. I was packing my bag and she had left already so I didn't get the chance to talk to her. But I did try to find her after class. Although,  I felt like I shouldn't have and just let it be. My mind was really having conflicting thoughts.

 

Anyhow, the day is over at uni and if I ever encounter her again, now I know how to start the conversation. Thanks a lot for that @Bre-RO. I'm unsure tho if she will explain herself or just say yes after I just ask, "is it okay if I chat with you about something" but yes it does make it easier for me to ask that than straight away say sorry.

 

Thanks once again!

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

Hey @geek28, it sounds like you have a plan for the next time that you see her. I think it is really great that you are trying to communicate in an honest and open way. Sometimes it can be difficult, especially if you don't know the person well.. as @Bre-RO said, it is really hard to know what anyone is thinking or feeling unless they tell you. Either way, I hope it goes well for you!

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

@happyandhealthy @Bre-RO Yesterday, I was walking at uni, turned my head and saw her. She was looking in the same direction me or not idk. I was walking so I continued to walk without stopping by. Anyways, like I told you she blocked me on twitter and I didn't bother to ask but we were friends on Facebook and followed each other on instagram. So, I came across her post on instagram and she just had a caption "why does Tokenizer (an assignment) has to be due on Good Friday." So, out of curiosity, I just commented, "it's just bonus marks 🤷‍♀️". And after a while I Don't even know why she removed me from her Instagram as well. I don't understand what did I do wrong??? Am I a bad person?? Like why are people just so cold to me.... So now, out of annoy, anger, sadness, i don't know what I unfriended her on Facebook too now. @Taylor-RO 

Re: Does being sorry help when you didn't seem to do anything wrong?

Hey @geek28,

 

I can understand how this must be difficult for you to deal with.  It can be tough to resolve something with someone when you firstly, don't know what happened for them to be upset and then not be able to speak with them. Given recent events how do you want to move forward with this?  Do you think it would help to set up some sort of mediation where you both hear each others side? Of course they would have to agree with this. Is there another way for you to discuss this with them, if this is still an option for you?