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Don't know where I stand with childhood Best Friend

Hi,

I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life.

We have known each other since pretty much birth, and were absolutely inseparable during preschool and primary school. We grew up together and were each others only real friends. Then high school rolled around, and as he went off to a private school, I went to a selective one. We still somehow managed to keep a pretty solid connection until at least year 11, messaging regularly and meeting every fortnight or so. But somehow, as if in an instant, we just kinda stopped talking, with no bad blood or drama.

But then after about 9 months of practically no contact since our last meetup, he messaged with the whole "its been so long! we should go out". And we went out and had the most fun I have had in a long time. We instantly connected with our old spark, and somehow it had felt like no time passed, and we kept asking each other why we don't ever see each other anymore, and we expressed intentions to resume a consistent friendship. We were both exactly the same as we had been in the early years of high school, and he knew about events that had happened in my life. I know that the feeling was mutual as we both talked about it the next day. And then it stopped again, for about 10 months and here we are today. We exchanged birthday messages but that's about it.

I am currently extremely in my head about what his true opinions of me are. Is he still a true friend to me and does he enjoy my company? Because I sure as hell enjoy his. I am currently really badly want to reach out, and he was technically the last one to do so, but there is a fear in the back of my head that my favourite person will tell me he just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's kind of a crushing anxiety and is trickling into my ability to make new friends at uni. We are both 19 and studying at uni 3 days a week, but I know he sometimes has time to hang out with friends as per social media. I tend to overthink everything. Always. But this person is so important to me that I don't want to damage anything. You can't be rejected by someone if you never reach out, right?

Thank you all x

Re: Don't know where I stand with childhood Best Friend

Hi, nice to meet you Smiley Happy Welcome to RO!

 

Ah this expresses so many feelings I've had about a similar friendship I had with my childhood bestie, thank you Heart

 

It sounds you've previously had a wonderful relationship with this person, so I'd imagine it's  pretty confusing and upsetting to be unsure about whether he's still your friend and enjoys your company. I would recommend trusting the experiences you have had with him. If when you've been with him he's usually seemed to be enjoying himself and has told you he is, and when you've spoken about your friendship he's said he values it and wants it to continue, I think it makes sense to believe those things are true.

 

I think that as our lives and ourselves change it makes sense for our friendships to change too, and that might mean there are times when the same level of closeness seems to require much more effort than before. What do you think?

 

Do you think it would be helpful to ask if he wants to hang out again? From what you've said about the last time you saw each other I think he'd respond positively.

 

If you do end up doing that, maybe you could think of some tangible ways of making it easier to arrange spending time together in future? Just thinking that if you have another chat about hopes for a more consistent friendship it'd be good to have somewhere to go with that. Maybe penciling in the next time you're going to see each other? Or sharing your calendars so you know when the other person is free?

 

I get that it's a tricky situation though. Is there anyone else you can talk about this with? We're here for you whatever you decide Smiley Happy 

 

Re: Don't know where I stand with childhood Best Friend

Hi there @Caspar and welcome to ReachOut Smiley Happy

 

It sounds like you and this guy are wonderful friends. It can be frustrating when friendships trail off and seemingly end for no reason. Though some people can remain friends and rarely chat to each other, not everyone likes that and that's okay. 

As @hellofriend has already suggested, organising a meet up with him may be a great way of giving you an opportunity to talk with him. As you've said, you enjoy his company and sometimes people can forget to reach out and organising things with their friends. What do you think?

 

You also mentioned that this is making it harder for you to make new friends at uni. Is this something that bothers you a lot? Making friends can definitely be a challenge, it can be hard to both meet people and connect with them to become friends. ReachOut has a great article on making friends over here that has some suggestions and ideas on how you can make friends, if you're interested Smiley Happy

 


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