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Drifting friend

Hey everyone,

 

I'm new to this but I felt I needed some outside opinions..

Lately it feels like I am drifitng away from my best friend, who is literally the only close friend I have. Part of me is telling me it is for the better but then I would have abosutely no one..

It feels like I am the only one who cares about our friendship and it feels like a one way friendship, this isn't the first time its happened and I'm not sure what to do..

A few years ago when my dad passed away, people were only there for me on the day but then days, weeks, months and years after when I really need people to care no one was around, which is why I thought those "friends" don't deserve a spot in my life.

I feel like its happening again, but it'll hurt so much if I lose her coz i'll be all alone, but at the same time I'm hurting coz I feel alone in the friendship.

I dont know if this makes any sense but any advice would help! thank you Smiley Happy

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Re: Drifting friend

Hi @kaykay_10 Welcome to ReachOut! Its really great that you're wise enough to think this through and ask for some outside opinions rather than just throwing in the towel, you're obviously insightful. Personally ive found that over the years friends drift away all the time, friends i had a few years ago that i was extreamely close with i now hardly speak to at all. This can be really sad but also sometimes necessary. I definitly know what it feels like to be in a one sided relationship and its not a good feeling, but perhaps this is a new door in your life opening up to new people and experiences? I know this was the case for me. Do you have any other family you could perhaps talk to about this? Or spend some more time with? Maybe you could try joining a group, like a sports club, thats often a great way to make friends! Here is some info on friendships that might help you Smiley Happy 

http://au.reachout.com/What-is-a-bad-friendship

http://au.reachout.com/How-to-make-friends

Re: Drifting friend

Hi @kaykay_10 and welcome to ReachOut. Smiley Happy

I'm sorry that you're feeling sad and lonely about where your friendship is at. It does hurt when you start to feel distant from someone you were close to. I wasn't sure from reading your post whether you've talked to your friend about this or not. Do you think she'd listen and understand if you told her what you told us?

 

 

Cheers!
blithe

 

 

 

 

Re: Drifting friend

Hey @kaykay_10

I feel for you right now and yes it does suck when you feel like you are drifting away from a friend and I have experienced that so many times in my life and it does hurt.

My very best friend and I actually drifted for like a year and it was gradual and I let it happen and now we are the closest we have ever been because sometimes you need to be away from someone to recognize how much they mean to you. She might come to that realization if you keep drifting.

If the friendship is one way, honestly I feel like that is more draining than being alone, because you can find new friends, friends that actually care rather than holding onto a toxic friendship. Have you spoken to her about how you feel?

You deserve more, you deserve better, a friendship is not meant to make you feel this way. I know you dont want to be alone but you should remember that when 1 door closes, another door opens.

Hope that helps
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: Drifting friend

hey @kaykay_10 how are you going?

 

It definitely sucks when friendships are getting one sided and you feel like you are doing all the work only to not be appreciated and acknowledged.

Have you tried talking to your friend about how you feel? Sometimes its hard but it could either save the friendship or reconfirm what you already see happening - at least then you will have an idea of where you stand and the ball iwill be in her court if she wants to continue to not be there for you or to start putting in some more effort

 

Sometimes its okay to be selfish if you arent getting what you need from a friendship. It shouldnt be a chore to be friends with someone, yes friends can go through rough patches but in the end friendship should be based on mutal support, respect and a genuine want to hang out and be there for them. If you feel that you arent getting that, you can always move on and find new friends who would love to be there for you because you are awesome! Even from this post you can tell that you are a caring person who would make a great friend so dont worry Smiley Happy

 

Re: Drifting friend

Hi @SJG

thank you for your reply!
I have actually made friends online, through twitter, from our love for a sports team and we do talk daily, even though we don't know each others personal lives much its just good to talk about other things Smiley Happy

Re: Drifting friend

Hi @ruenhonx @hartley_ @SJG


thank you all for your reply, really appreciated them Smiley Happy - im not sure if this is how I reply to you all in one post but im hoping this works!

 

I did recently tell her that I felt we were drifting apart and that things felt different and so I asked her to be honest and upfront with me and let me know if there was anything bothering her, because I feel like I need to know..and I have always been honest with her about my feelings in this friendship..

Her response had nothing to do with what I said, I felt she avoided it and said we could talk about how I feel and what I had just told her but I basically just said how I felt and I was asking her about how she was feeling? So now I'm not really sure what to do from here..

 

Like I've just replied to @SJG I do talk to other people I have met online from our love of a sports team and and it feels good to talk about even random things with them Smiley Happy 

I'm also really passionate about my studies, and so uni and my classmates they distact me, which I'm not sure is a bad or good thing but it makes life content as well as coming home to my family!

Thanks again for all your replies!

Re: Drifting friend

@kaykay_10 thats awesome that you are so up front and honest with them, thats really mature and you are obviously doing all you can to see if this friendship is salvagable!

 

Maybe see how things go after talking to her and that could help determine your next move?

 

Re: Drifting friend

Hi @ruenhonx 

 

I just came back to say thank you again for your post! I let the friendship drift away, even though it was hurting inside, I knew if we were really meant to be friends.. one day we would get back to where we were before. It has indeed worked and she has come to realize how much I mean to her and we are slowly getting back to the good friendship we had.

 

I really appreciated your response!

Re: Drifting friend

Hey @kaykay_10
I am glad everything worked out for you, you do deserve a good friend and I hope rebuilding your friendship will make it stronger. Smiley Happy

Take care of yourself
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**