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Emotionally bonding *reflection*

Hey modsquad , 


In university I dive into these groups in uni and I don't know are just engaging in an activity like say rugby to learn a skill or are we doing it to bond with people. 


I guilty of participating in surf club, running club, outdoors club and an awful time at a Christian group. Joined the Christian one for the wrong reason.


With these constant change of groups I'm not sure if I'm there to learn the activity and work on a goal or there to bond.


Most of the time it's just mindless conversations when were out. Im afraid to speak cause as an international student. Discovering a new identity in Australia is overwhelming. 


Functioning in Australia is like wearing a very specific coloured guernsey. 


I do feel like a social pest and put myself down. As I do have an extensive cultural burdens and I just accept some questions I don't have the answer too.


It's like when I change my speech for Australia , simultaneously Australia will change with my adaption. And I'm that very obvious change in a visual sense.


In class we are all technical like law or maths. Outside its all memes.


When we do talk in the uni semester it's us worrying how much work we've got or career plans.


 I think what I did lead to emotional burnout and to doing too much on my mental state.


Im just now aware that I do things but not know people on a personal level.


I'm just noticing these things as an outsider.


Reply to me , bunnywalks.

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

Hey @BunnyWalks!

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to try out a bunch of new activities, especially when you're trying to find your identity in another country.

Am I right in saying that you're wanting to form closer emotional bonds with people at uni? I can imagine it must be really hard as an international student
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

But I don't just want to be that international student that people HAVE to hang with.

I want actual friends, not a chaperone university administration staff. In the 12 week period it felt that way.

I understand pace needed for university but just it feels like speed dating as friends.


You are right I thought I was deprived of that. @lokifish

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

Hey @BunnyWalks

Joining groups is a great way to meet people and I know many people who have joined groups with the intention of making friends. I will say that it's good to pick groups you relate to and not join so many of them that you are overwhelmed, maybe pick 1 or 2 groups a semester and work on getting involved with them and see how it goes from there. 

I have made friends with international students and I have never felt forced to hang out with them, I liked getting to experience their views on Australia and showing them why Australia is awesome.

Don't disclose making friends in your classes either, and it's great to have people you can collaborate with on assignments and help you study. 

Also one thing I like to remind myself is that we have friends for different seasons of our lives and it's not often we make friends that are long term.  

Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

Even the bad views cause I don't think we can fix and argue about it ?

Australia has a uniform zing to it. I had an impression there are tribes in Australia and disagreements can get feral.

When dicuss it does lead to an obsession past a certain point and we just have to accept what it is.

I do follow American celebs (important to highlight celebs )their so individual. Just noticed it that way and taken back.

Committing to one would help.

I suppose it's okay to not have the friends for life every occasion.

There is something to appreciate when giving another person space to grow their own way.

People tend to be clingy and when were younger.

Are you pulling my leg with this IStudents bit ? 🤔

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

@BunnyWalksnot arguing more having intense discussions about different views on topics and how your culture compares to theirs about different things. Disagreements only get feral when you don't respect the other persons opinion, sometimes you just need to agree to disagree on topics. Some topics I have enjoyed discussing with my friends from different countries include:

  • Education system - how is your school system set up? Is it expected of you to go to uni? What are your friends back home studying in terms of education?
  • Traditions and holidays - Do you celebrate different holidays compared to Australia? What traditions do you do on holidays? Is there are particular tradition that you find strange about Australia?
  • Family dynamic - Does your mum stay at home? Do your grandparents live with you? Are you an only child?
  • Life style differences  - What's something that you do back home but isn't common in Australia? Do you live in apartments compared to houses? What is expected of you back home?

Just keep the conversation light and airy.


Australia is a multi cultural place and for most uni students it's considered normal to make friends with international students and we like getting to see Australia through your eyes. 

Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

Hi Erin,

That was actually comforting to read.

Gaslighting is very real in Australia.

I can conclude Australia is a very odd place it's artificial socially and culturally.

That is the only
statement I can stand by. It helps with any culture to be literate and proceed slowly.

I can only accept and understand what I see in my own life. Read people slowly and walk.

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

@BunnyWalks it really sucks that you've experienced gaslighting here in Aus Smiley Sad I like to think we're a pretty multicultural society, but sadly that doesn't mean that racial tensions don't exist. We still have a fair way to go.

I can also totally understand not wanting friendships to feel forced. Like @ErinsAntics, though, I've befriended international students not out of pity, but because we've been in the same class and they seemed like friendly, interesting people!

Forgive me if I've asked before, but are you involved in any international student societies etc. on campus? I reckon you wouldn't be the only person feeling this way, and they might have some more ideas on how to find a balance between your home culture and the culture here in Australia
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

Racial tensions is are a sensitive thing to discuss and often the resentment that bleeds out when asked . When is does come out ....... Some work safe gear is needed.

When your there just to vibe with friends it's just not the right place to discuss it. As a child I didn't take the time to know my own identity as in msia things are selected for you.

I'm grateful that being in Australia has force me to have a creative interpretation of self.

Some blogs Ive read from other minorities are just wow .

I was a surfee on campus but just felt things were too fast and am taking a break atm. I'm a minority and these minority groups can get hostile vibes and I'm not in a capacity to align myself. Group at uni feel too organized.

I've considered music festivals or bars so its a more casual setting and not feel like work.

But I do have a fear that if I'm out just enjoying the environment someone might tell me off for not being able to work and being undeserving to enjoy a beer / meal.

I'm not into hurting people when I have a different opinion and learning to disagree well and honour someones dignity is a valuable thing.

With all due respect @lokifish I resent my traditional culture back home due to our damaged relationship with each other and Australia. But it is quite the challenge to be a worldly and humble person I'm Australia.

"I reckon you wouldn't be the only person feeling this way" I keep interpreting this as you don't matter. Haha.

I know you mean well @lokifish.

Re: Emotionally bonding *reflection*

@BunnyWalks I admire your capacity for self-reflection!

"I'm not into hurting people when I have a different opinion and learning to disagree well and honour someones dignity is a valuable thing."

I wish more people were able to realise this - it would make the world a much better place Heart

Taking a break from groups if they're getting hostile is a smart move. It sounds like you've spent a fair bit of time thinking about this, and have come up with some good ideas. Let us know if we can support you any more through this Smiley Happy
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish