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Everyday life

Guys i have a problem here iam in a situation where i dated a girl for three and fell deeply inlove with the girl but just like any relationship we had problems and eventually broke up in that break up space i met a new girl and dated her and i accidentally impregnated her now she is about to give birth the problem is i dont have feelings for her and the girl i spent three years with now say she'd be giving us another shot but she wont because iam now expecting with someone else my family loves the new girl but i dont i really want my first love back and i also dont wanna feel like a jerk by impregnating someone and then breaking up with her please guys i need serious advice😔

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Re: Everyday life

Hi @Vuyo, thanks for sharing. It sounds like a really tricky situation that you are in. It must be really hard for you to make a decision. What do you see as your options in this situation? There is no wrong or right answer but it might help to consider all of the options that you have. I am also wondering whether you have any friends that you can chat to about this? Sometimes it can help to chat to people who know the situation well.

Just so you know, I have sent you through an email Smiley Happy
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Re: Everyday life

I have tried to talk to people close to me about this and they have given
their views but right now iam looking to hear views of people who i know in
no way they would be biased or favour someone else i want neutral people
who help me
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Re: Everyday life

I have tried speaking with people close to me but right now i need advice from people who usually deal with stuff like this
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Re: Everyday life

Hey @Vuyo, that is great that you have talked to some people you know. I totally understand about wanting to hear some non-biased opinions (which is also really important!) Smiley Happy It sounds like you are really interested in getting back with your ex.. but are also worried about being perceived as a jerk by your current girlfriend. Do you think chatting to either of them would help the situation?

What you are going through is really complex. It is tough - you are the only person who can make the final decision but you don't have to go through this alone. I am wondering if you have you thought of chatting to a counsellor? They can help you work through your decision and process the emotions and thoughts that come along with it.

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Re: Everyday life

Hey @Vuyo 

That seems like quite a tricky situation and I can imagine a lot of emotions come with it. I agree with @Taylor-RO and I would probably suggest seeing a counselor too. It can be overwhelming but just remember that it will pass, and there are people out there who are very willing to listen, give advice and make sure you are ok and look out for yourself too- including us on the forums!

 

I hope you are doing ok. Heart

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Re: Everyday life

Hi @Vuyo! Welcome to the forums!
That sounds like such a complicated, difficult situation. Smiley Sad I can't really give you any advice, but you're definitely not the first person who has experienced something like this. Plenty of relationships between parents don't work out, and even if you do end up breaking up with the new girl, you can still have a respectful relationship with her and your child.
There isn't an easy way out of this, but would you and the new girl be open to having a chat about your future together? Maybe it would help if someone else mediated the discussion, and it might also help to write down your options and the pros and cons of them.

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Re: Everyday life

Hey this sounds like a tricky situation. It's good that ur thinking about options and don't want to leave ur responsibility i think that's admirable. I guess in ur heart u know what u want and i've found that forcing people to go against their wishes has actually made them act out in other regards. For instance, if ur not really in love with someone u may not treat them the way that they deserve. 

 

I think in a situation like this it comes down to priorities. As a new father, do u want to accept that responsibility and commit or do u want to be more of a supportive side character? either is fine as long as u are open and honest. worst things have happening in history and u don't have to feel trapped because that might make u resentful and that is a tricky emotion. if ur current partner has a really good supportive network and they don't mind taking on more responsiblity in caring for the child then that's great, maybe u can take a more supportive side lines approach, so u can still be there for the baby and mother of ur child but not in a romantic sense (and u can date ur first partner). but please, be honest with urself and be honest with communication. i feel like nothing is more damaging than lying and hiding.

 

like someone else mentioned. there is no right or wrong answer as long as u are honest and communicate to everyone!!! we are here for u