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Feeling confused about friends... Advice appreciated

Hi there,
So I've been feeling a bit down and wanted to seek advice.

Ok so I'm a guy in my 20s and basically I feel blessed because I'm healthy, confident, in a great Uni course, doing well in study and my family is doing well financially.

Despite my blessings, I have been feeling a bit down as I have been reflecting on my relationships and I have realised that while I have people who I meet every few weeks or so, I really do not have any close friend I can just hangout with whenever or go to their house or even just message when I want to chat. Ever since quarantine, this has made me feel particularly lonely. I really do wish I had a trusty best friend to do stuff with.
I have tried initiating discussions and meetings with the people I hangout with every few weeks but did not get anywhere and even felt like it caused me to drift further apart as I would not get any response from them.

Now to make matters more complicated, I was sharing classes for a few weeks with this guy who I've known for a while. We actually got along so well with similar interests and had meals together and super fun chats. I opened up to him a lot about my life and really wanted to be his friend.

Since that class ended, he sadly hasn't acknowledged me - even when we're in the corridor and I try to make eye-contact, he would be chatting to his other friends (he's had this close-knit group of friends for way longer than he's known me) and ignore me. This makes me sad because I really thought I had a chance to have a close friend for once and I feel sad that it's over.

So I'm not sure what to do now... On one hand I want to convince myself that I don't need a close friend and that I can be happy on my own. On the other, I really enjoyed that time with this guy and kinda miss it now that it's gone. Any advice would be appreciated 

It's so hard for a young guy to make friends haha

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Re: Feeling confused about friends... Advice appreciated

Hi ExcellentBeing5,

 

I could see many mixed feelings from your words. It is hard to make friends or maintain a friendship, especially we are currently forced to keep physical distance due to the full lockdown (but we are still socially-connected, fingerscrossed). Not all of the people feel comfortable enough to communicate online, that is probably why you are not able to hear back from some of your friends. So don't feel bad about this. Likewise, your friend from your former class may concentrate too much on what he was talking so that he didn't even notice what happened surround him.

In addition, I really like your ideas on both trying to make a friend with yourself as well as spending a bit more time to get to know your friends better. Be patient! Everything takes time. If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to follow up with us.

Best wishes

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Re: Feeling confused about friends... Advice appreciated

Hi @ExcellentBeing5, I'm sorry you're feeling down and you feel like you don't have any close friends. Making friends sure is difficult, especially at the moment when we don't get to see each other as often as we used to. 

 

It's great that you tried initiating conversations with people. They probably are so preoccupied about the whole pandemic thing that they don't have much energy for anything else, or like @AmazingPUMP said, just don't feel comfortable talking online.

 

Friends can sadly come and go sometimes, but the most amazing people may come when you least expect it. I love how you want to be okay with being alone, and it's perfectly okay to want to do that and miss your old friend at the same time. Take it easy, and remember we're always here if you want to talk!

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Re: Feeling confused about friends... Advice appreciated

Hey @ExcellentBeing5. I really relate to this! I also don't necessarily have any close friends that I feel I could just call or hangout with. 

I hear and feel you in how it can get tough and lonely sometimes. For me I've just really made an effort to focus on myself, exercising regularly, eating well, and focusing on my spiritual practice.

I've found that tinder is a pretty good platform just to talk to people and have that human connection. I wonder if you've tried any forms of online interaction just to meet people? 

It can be especially hard during these times to meet people out and about so it's nice to have some other platforms just to at least talk to people and feel a little less alone!

Here if you need anything, also more than happy to just chat and maybe we can both fill our voids! 

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Re: Feeling confused about friends... Advice appreciated

Hi @ExcellentBeing5 !

 

I can relate to how you feel to some extent. I'm sort of in the same boat (same age, going to uni, have had thoughts about friend groups, etc) and quarantine hasn't made it easy to meet new people and moreover keep those connections going. For me I actually really wanted to meet a new friend group when uni started and get close to them at uni and it hasn't worked out that way since I've been so busy with studying, and thankful I met my GF, and spending time with her has been great so I haven't been too disappointed with not making new close connections. There are some other things I could suggest you do like trying to find friends through online communities but honestly, that is hard as well.

 

Good luck for the future and finding friends, and can I also ask what you are interested in just out of curiosity?