Feeling exhausted from parents
Hi Reach Out ,
I'm feeling drained out from my parents and siblings. In some ways I think my parents behave like children to each other.
I just get so irritated when I see them or them just being passive aggressive.
I'm so done with the demeaning comments and the attitude.
I've decided to stop living their dream which is to make Malaysia better. Just cause I don't know how nor share that motive to the same extent.
Lately I just cant pledge my loyalty to this nor can focus my energy to changing an entire country and culture. I'd do my work but not make it about patriotism or serving the country as whole.
I feel like the right thing to do now is just be "Self-Centred Goal Wise" so I can accomplish what I need to do and what I want to.
I'm out of energy to entertain them ,their visions and lifestyle.
They are there for me financially but they have let me down by not being able to deal with their own emotions, ungrateful when I entertained them during their downs and I just think in some aspects I'm in a draining relationship with them.
Is there a word on when I'm behaving this self centred ?
I just feel like wanting isolate my self and not open up to anyone and it doesn't feel nice.
I feel frustrated and burned out by thinking about this cause it does affect my concentration on serious task.
Re: Feeling exhausted from parents
Hi @BunnyWalks! That sounds really tough. Sometimes, I feel similarly with my family members. I feel like they should be supporting me but they do a lot of immature things. As we are currently caring for some family members, I tend to get angry because I don't feel like other family members are doing enough to help and their lack of willingness to help, combined with the dramas that they cause, has negatively affected my life and goals.
Have you tried sitting down with them and talking about it? I've done this a few times. If you decide to do this, be prepared for them to see it as a personal attack and start going about it aggressively. Some of my family members also try to gaslight me when I try to bring up issues with them. If you decide to go ahead, try using statements beginning with 'I' rather than 'you' statements so it doesn't sound like you're criticising them. Additionally, keep the topic focused on the situations that upset you or make you angry.
There is also nothing wrong with distancing yourself from your family members for the sake of your mental health. If you decide to take a break from them, some people might criticise you. But at the end of the day, if they are being toxic then they are being toxic. You have to do what's best for your stress levels and health. There are lots of online resources and forums where you can find support regarding this.
I hope that things will improve!
Re: Feeling exhausted from parents
Hi @BunnyWalks just checking in to see how are you?
I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time with your family. I had a very hostile environment growing up with my parents being passive aggressive and just blatantly aggressive towards each other and it really affected me too. I honestly do not have many tips for overcoming this because admittedly I projected all of my frustration from my parents on to my friends and school mates which in hind sight was a horrible thing to do.
I think it is great that you are able to acknowledge how this makes you feel and take time for yourself, it is in no way selfish. Talking with your parents about their relationship is never easy and no child wants to be the mediator in this situation, however I think it is important that you acknowledge with them when their behaviour does affect you because they might be so blinded by their tension and not realise the effect it is having on you . I used to tell my parents 'I don't like it when you speak like that in front of me' when they would be nasty towards each other etc. You also need to remember you can not fix their relationship and that is in no way on you to do, but you can show them that its effecting you. Do you think this would help?
With regards to your parents dream about making Malaysia better, correct me if I am wrong but is this a cultural perspective? I know that Western countries are more individualistic while your parents views may be a bit more collectivists? If that is the case, these cultural differences could be creating a shift in how you are identifying with your culture and goals being that you are in a more individualistic society now (hence why you are thinking you are self centred for pursuing your own goals and dreams).
It can be hard to do what you want to do, especially when it goes against what you parents want however, I think it is important you create the value in your life and value yourself because you are awesome and you are the one that gets to live it
Talk soon xx
Things to check out:
Ask our Builders (Almost) Anything here! Not sure what a builder is? Time to find out!
Self love: Share three things you like about yourself!
How do you overcome urges to self-harm? Add your strategies or get new ideas in the list here
Seen something fantastic on the forums?
Click here to nominate awesome posts for a Friday Five!