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Feeling lost

Hey guys ! 


I'm new here and don't really understand how all this works, but just needed somewhere to let all these thoughts out. 


So I'm reaching the end of my law degree, and I feel like this degree is taking a toll on my mental health. Last year in addition to juggling uni, work and my internship, I started to find that I was struggling to find time for my family as well as myself. A lot of my close friends were going through tough times last year. I became their confidants and listened when they needed. I felt so overwhelmed by middle of the year and I could feel myself burning out, but I refused to slow down. 


I feel like I've turned into everyone's therapist and advisor, but who am I to give advice when I can't even sort out the problems I have going through my head. On New Year's Eve, I told my boyfriend I wouldn't let myself go through the same stress I did last year. However, recently a friend was going through some issues at uni and I decided to help. It wasn't until a few days ago I could start feeling the same overwhelming feeling creeping up. I made a promise to my friend that I would always be around to support, but how can I help if I cannot help myself.

Re: Feeling lost

Hey @foodismyfave, thanks for joining ReachOut and sharing that here with us. You are welcome to comment on other threads if you wish and hopefully some others will comment here too. It sounds like helping others has had a massive impact on your mental health alongside your other commitments. It is understandable that we all want to be there for our friends but we also need to look after ourselves. It is really important to recognise when things are starting to take a toll on ourselves Heart It is very difficult to help others if we are not looking after ourselves. 'You can't pour from an empty cup'... what do you think would help in filling up your cup? Is there anyone that you can talk to this about?

Image result for you cant pour from an empty cup


Re: Feeling lost

Hi @foodismyfave it sounds like you're a very compassionate person who really wants to help their friends. I think @Taylor-RO has made a very good point. Helping others when you're not well yourself is very hard to do. Friendships aren't usually one-sided, have you asked your friends for support? We hope you're doing okay Heart 

Re: Feeling lost

Hey @foodismyfave,


Welcome to ReachOut. Great username by the way!


The others have offered some awesome advice, but I just wanted to pop in as a fellow law student (final year) and acknowledge just how tough a gig completing the degree is, not to mention balancing work, your internship, family and just a general life. One thing I think us law students are programmed to do is go and go and go with little opportunity/encouragement to stop and take a moment for ourselves, but taking these moments is so important!


Are your other friends from within the degree as well? This may be different for you, but I've found since opening the dialogue about mental health with my uni friends, it's enabled us to create a group that offers support to each other, not just one individual (like yourself) supporting all of your friends. 


As @Taylor-RO and @Libellule mentioned, do you have anybody you'd be able to share this load with? Maybe some of these friends who are confiding in you could be there to support you too? From what I know, most uni's have a counselling service, would you be interested in contacting them to discuss some ways to deal with the pressure that a law degree brings?


Please let us know how you're getting on. 







Re: Feeling lost

Hey @foodismyfave


It must be stressful juggling all those responsibilities at once. I can't even imagine what that's like, I could barely manage uni and work at the same. But to your question, you pretty much answered it yourself with your last line. How can you help if you can't help yourself. You can't. We're not in a person to help others when we are not feeling the best. Would a heart surgeon perform an operation when they are unwell? Would a pilot fly a plane if they become anxious? I mean they can but the results won't be pretty. 


We got to take care of ourselves first. If you get more stressed out you might find yourself dealing with the same stuff your friend is going through and now you both are in a slump and that's not helpful for either of you. You're very caring for looking after your friend and being there when they need it. It's okay not to be always there for someone because let's face it, that's rarely possible. We're just setting unrealistic expectations that can be hurtful in the long run. 


You can try texting your friend less, being there when they really need it. Or you can tell them straight up you need some time to yourself. If they are ever in danger or things get too hard, suggest them to go see a doctor/psychologist because you are not equip to deal with that (no offence). I know it might sound selfish but sometimes you have to put yourself first. 


Re: Feeling lost

I think your problem is bad time managment.Try to make a program.

Write your goals and your needs for the next month or week 

Your goals can be for example learning something , improving your relationships , having fun ,feeling more calm

Prioritize them

Also write which actions you have to take and how much time you need to spend to achieve them 

Specify those(Actions and time )

Try to follow the program

It helps if you write those on a big piece of paper and put it on your room's wall so you see them every day or something like that

Re: Feeling lost

hi there @Nyu
We sent you an email yesterday, did you receive it ok? 

Thank you again for being so open to supporting other members on the forum, those are great tips that you've provided. Sometimes what works for one person doesn't work for another person, so we try on this forum to be curious about what's going on for someone and offer a listening ear. 


Let me know if you have issues getting the email Smiley Happy 


I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here

Re: Feeling lost

Yes it doesn't  it will work for everyone .

I just made a suggestion.

I will look at the email

Did you send it to my gmail?