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Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

Does anyone have advice on finding your happiness/ stopping yourself from not allowing your self to be happy/ making moments of happiness more frequent/ stop feeling sad all the time or feel content with or joyful about life?
For context, my boyfriend and first true love of 6months broke up with me a few days ago and he was a big part of brightening my day and supporting me on the tougher days which occurred more often than not as of lately. I know that my sadness is not just about the break-up and I'm not sure what to do to get my happier/joyful days back. I know that I need to take more time for myself and begin to heal so I have started to do that but I'm not sure what else I can do, it may just be a waiting game.

Thanks in advance x

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

@A_Friend I'm so sorry to hear of your break up- they can be hard. You are right, some of it is just a waiting game- time helps heal things. It sounds like now me a good chance to self-care and find what supports work best for you. It could be connecting to folks on here to give you the pick me up you need, or speaking to a trusted someone when you vent the same way you would have once vented to him. They can also help you let go and just be happy, without letting you get in your own way. Positive distractions go a long way to in helping lift your mood.

 

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more positive or joyful days

Thanks so much for the great advice I will definitely try to incorporate it

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

hey @A_Friend, break ups can be so awful and it sounds like you went through a really tough one Smiley Sad

 

@Tay100's raised a good point about giving things time to heal, and also finding other positive things and people in your life to brighten your mood. I just want to chime in and say that it's great you are trying to take more time for yourself, and what can be important when dealing with break ups is giving yourself that time and space to feel sad, as well. 

 

A break is a loss of a relationship, and for many of us we go through a 'mourning' stage processing that loss. This article on our website talks about it a bit more, but a lot of the recovery process can be about finding a balance between being gentle and allowing yourself to feel any negative emotions instead of pressing them down, but also keeping busy and finding new ways of moving forward so we aren't getting stuck in memories and negative feelings.

 

Sometimes it can be helpful to ask yourself when you are feeling down: 'I know I am going through a really tough time right now, what can I do to brighten my day? What can I do to support myself? How would I treat a friend or loved one going through what I'm going through?' And in that way, you might find that although the pain from the break up is still there, you are able be your own friend and support through it Heart

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

Usually following a painful event or a breakup, i like to do a bit of a glow up. not sure if anyone else is like this, but i'll have a period of mourning where i will cry my eyes out, watch shows and be a potato. then i switch into full glam up/revenge body mode where i start working out, buying cute clothes and looking my best cos it makes me feel better than being a potat :3

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

Hi @A_Friend 

 

Sorry to hear that you have gone through a break-up. I think @Tay100 was spot on. Sometimes these things just take time, and it is important to allow yourself to be sad and grieve the loss of the relationship. As rough as it is, it is important to feel these sad emotions instead of trying to bury them and distract yourself because, in the long run, you will keep holding onto the sadness. 

 

I love @wanderingwasp comment about having a glow-up post break up! I think they've described the classic break up stages where first you sit around all sad and eat icecream and then you start exercising and trying to be the best version of yourself. And it is not wrong! I think it might be great for you to reflect on the things that you absolutely love doing and make time in your day for them. Are there any activities that come to mind? For me, it would be baking and walking along the beach!

 

Reaching out to friends to have a chat or do an activity together could also be a great thing to get your spark back. Do you think that would help?

 

You said that your sadness isn't just about the break-up. Is there anything else on your mind that you feel like is holding you back from being happy?

 

Just remember that you are going to have sad days sometimes and that is ok because it happens to everyone!

 

 

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

@TOM-RO thanks for so much for the advice and I will definitely read that article. 

@wanderingwasp  I have started to incorporate meditating before bed and working out in the morning to feel better about myself

@Turtle22 I also love to cook and bake, I am hopefully going to get back into reading and photography. I have also reached out to some friends to talk. You asked me if there is anything holding me back from happiness and to be honest I'm too sure, I think it may be the past I have started to heal some of my emotional wounds and have slowly begun to feel a little better. I'm hoping that the happiness will continue to flow and grow as I heal and increase the joyful activities in my day. My only worry is that all of this won't matter so much when my stress sparks again when my university break ends like the joyful activities and healing won't have a big enough effect in that it will help to destress but not spark joy or I won't have the energy for the activities every day which will lead to a lack joyful days again.

Thanks, @wanderingwasp and @Turtle22 for the advice and support x

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

Hello @A_Friend, its so awesome to hear about all the different strategies that you have been using. It great that you have found these several strategies to be helpful. Sounds like things have been going well lately! I hope that you are still able to spend time on these positive activities when uni comes around. Would you be able to schedule in some dedicated spaces around your uni schedules for you to engage in some of these activities? Heart
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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

Thank you and I will definitely try to schedule it in and try to disciplined about it. I'm just worried that I will go back to old habits of not taking time for myself and if I did I would feel guilty like I used but I have taken the time to change my habits and I did make a lot of progress last trimester so now I just need to trust my self and be disciplined when needed.

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Re: Finding happiness/ having more postive or joyful days

@A_Friend  thanks for checking back in with us! You are right, balancing self-trust and discipline can be a hard thing to do. Taking time for yourself is a habit we have to keep up, yes, but it can be easier to maintain if the things we do to look after ourselves are organic, and easily implemented into your day. They don't have to be large, structured ideas/activities- it can be something as simple that you don't even have to think about it. Something that doesn't require effort at all, which is good because breakups can leave you feeling tired sometimes. Like using a nice toothpaste to brush your teeth with, or using a nice alarm clock sound, or cleaning out your phone/computer screen. What might this look like for you?