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Formal date - Good or bad?

So my year 12 formal is coming up soon and so far it seems to me that pretty much everyone in my year level, and my group of friends has/have a date...... and I don't. 
I have given hints and asked some guys to go with me but they have either said they don't want to go with a date or they have date (talk about rejection lol). 
One minute I would think "it's okay. Just go by yourself"Smiley Happy then the next minute I will be crying myself to sleep and thinking negative about myself asking myself "why hasn't someone asked me?" "What have I done to deserve this?" " there must be something wrong with me for a guy not wanting to ask me." Smiley Sad
I guess I just don't know how to feel because what if these thoughts are true? I don't know what to think or how to feel. 

AHHH pls help with any advice or stories if you can relate to this  xxHeart

Re: Formal date - Good or bad?

Hi @ellabuck_x, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing that with us Smiley Happy I think others can feel similar when they don't have a date or partner to an event. As you said, it is okay to go by yourself or can you bring a friend as a guest? I know you aren't the only person without a date although it may feel that way. It can still be hard to shake the negatives thoughts and worried feelings. I think finding a date is hard and a struggle for a lot of people. I think it is also really hard to ask someone to be your date as well and this might be what some of the guys at your school are experiencing. I think re-framing some of your thoughts might help how you are feeling about this situation, here is a ReachOut article explaining what to do Smiley Happy I hope it helps and let us know how you go Heart

Re: Formal date - Good or bad?

Hi @ellabuck_x, thank you for joining us on RO Smiley Happy 


I think lots of young people can relate to feeling anxious about finding a date! I know that I’ve had similar anxious thoughts about not having had a relationship yet. I can imagine the formal coming up must be stressful, and a pretty big thing for you. It’s really tough to feel rejected, but it sounds like it’s to do with the guys already having been asked or just wanting to go with friends, and not to do with you having done anything to deserve it. There is definitely nothing wrong with you, and I would encourage you to try reframing your thoughts like @Taylor-RO suggested! 


A lot of people I know took a friend or even a sibling or cousin to their formal! Others went on their own and focused on having fun and dancing with a group of friends Smiley Happy Do you reckon you’d feel okay with something like that? Are any of your friends in a similar position, so you could chat to them about it? 

Re: Formal date - Good or bad?

Thank you @Taylor-RO for your help. 

I found your advice and attachment very informative and helpful. Hopefully, I can get around the positive mind set before the formal.

I really appreciate you giving up your time to reply to me. Means a lot
- Ella Smiley Happy 

Re: Formal date - Good or bad?

Hi @DruidChild

Thank you for your understanding about my issue. Unfortunately as much as it would make me feel better, I cannot invite friends or relatives outside of school due to particular school rules, which kind of sucks Smiley LOL 

As I am taking your and @Taylor-RO 's advice, which is helpful,
I guess it may take a while for me to stop thinking negatively wishing that I had a date next to me during the night, and to stop getting jealous of those who have got dates and ruining the night for myself. Hopefully I will get rid of that negative energy. 

I really appreciate you giving up your time to reply to me and helping me. It means a lot.

- Ella Smiley Happy 


Re: Formal date - Good or bad?

Hey @ellabuck_x and welcome to ReachOut! Smiley Happy

I faced a similar dilemma at my high school formal, although in the end several of my friends went solo as well.

That does suck about the school rules prohibiting you from inviting outside friends or family.


Maybe there are some strategies or plans you could put in place, in case you do start having those negative thoughts on the night. What are some things that usually help you?

For example, I brought pen and paper to my formal, and wrote out my favourite quote to help me stay positive Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //