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Friendship advice needed!

Hi, I'm a 15 yr male, I recently moved schools, and found it so hard to make friends and even harder to keep my old school ones, I need as much advice as you can give, on how to make friends, the whole a to z. I use to think I knew how to make them but now it's even harder. Thanks

Re: Friendship advice needed!

You know what? I think it's different for different people, but there are probably some hard and fast rules.

 

Things like:

 

  • Be self-aware; know who you are and what you believe in
  • Trust is important; let people see they can trust you.
  • Try not to build friendships based on shared dislikes — you won't seem very trustworthy when you both just complain about others all the time
  • These things take time. A lot of time. Have patience.

There's more advice like that in one of our articles: How to make friends

 

Personally, because I travel a lot, I'm in this weird position of having to make whole new groups of friends every six months or so. Two things that have always worked for me: 1) ask people about themselves; 2) listen to what they say.

The truth behind this is that people feel most comfortable when they're talking about a topic which they know really well; the topic that everyone knows best is themselves and so they feel more comfortable talking about themselves. If someone feels comfortable when talking to you, they will start to trust you and, before you know it, you have a friend. Smiley Happy

 

When I was in my teens, I worried a lot about making friends. I was already a pretty sociable person but lacked confidence in myself. My dad gave me his copy of a book called "How to win friends and influence people". It's a really old book, published in 1936, and I'm not sure if it's still relevant today, but it helped me to better understand how I interact with other people. I only read a couple of chapters but I understood the key messages. Might be worth looking up, too.

 

 

Re: Friendship advice needed!

Hey there Smiley Happy

 

I totally agree with the stuff Lex posted, and it might be worth checking out that article too. I've changed schools 3 times in the past four years, and have now ended up back at my original school and have been lucky enough to keep my original group of close friends that I made back in Year 7/8. I also suffer from social anxiety, so I know how hard it is to get out there and socialize with people who you don't know so well!

 

For me, I've found it's good to start with little things to help 'break the ice', such as asking to borrow a pen, what the time is etc. Given that you're still in school like me, another thing you could do is to start by talking about the work you're doing in class, and work your way up from there. Do you have a Facebook account? You could try adding some of the other kids on there, especially as it's school holidays it might make it easier when school goes back next year.

 

As for keeping in touch with your old friends, I found that just sending text messages or posting on their Facebook wall every now and then was helpful for keeping in touch. What sorts of things did you used to do with your old friends while you were at the same school? Perhaps you could try to catch a movie with them?

 

Just try and give it a while, I know it's tough but these things take time. Let us know how you go Smiley Happy

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Friendship advice needed!

Lex and lokifish have already given really great advice!

One more thing that I'd like to add is to try and be more outgoing initially. That is not to say don't be yourself but to put in the extra effort to be more friendly and talkative at the start. So in this way you are able to create those connections wth people (which is usually the hardest part!) such that both of you are able to get a feel for who the other person is and become more comfortable around each other.



Good Luck!

Re: Friendship advice needed!

Hi Nightsky Smiley Happy
Do you have any hobbies that you're passionate about? I've found that sometimes the easiest way to make friends is to join an club. It can be a club of any kind - sports, photography, music...
Ask around and see what you're new school offers. Not only may you find new friends but you might find an activity you really enjoy!

Re: Friendship advice needed!

While I am not exactly in the same position as Nightsky, I am going through a time where I have been really struggling to make friends. It isn't that I lose friends constantly, it is more that I am just struggling to make new friends to begin with. I know once I meet people and we start talking. I'll know what to say, and we will have a really good conversation.

Some of the efforts I have been making of late, is going out to nightclubs with my brother and trying to meet new people there. My first night out was really good. I spoke to a lot of people but unfortunately I didn't make any serious friends. All the while,trying to talk to these girls at the club was so difficult because the music was roaring and I could barely hear them!

Should I keep up going out to the clubs?
I think that is my best option at the moment.

I love making friends and meeting new people SO much. I really need a good friend to do things with!

Re: Friendship advice needed!

Hey Jake,

If you enjoy going out to the clubs then keep going!
I'm too young to have gone to nightclubs before, and I'm not sure that I'd be in to them if I was allowed, but from what I've heard about them they don't really sound like the places to meet good/close friends. Most people seem to be going to be meeting a partner/chat someone up or are already with friends there.

A really good way to make friends is to join clubs/classes/activities which interest you. I think anyone you meet in that sort of situation would be far more receptive to a friendship.

It's awesome how confident you are in your ability to talk to people and how much you seem to enjoy social situations!
Good-luck!

Re: Friendship advice needed!

The best advice I've been given on making friends or being friendly is 'Ask them questions'

Why?

Because people LOVE to talk about themselves. Just look at this forum for example... It's people posting things that come from their own minds because another person has asked them about it. 

 

Good luck at your new school!

Re: Friendship advice needed!

I was away for two terms and experienced a similar thing, but making new friends was never a conscious thing to me. I just hung around people who didnt mind, spoke my mind and found alot who were similar people. thats breif and im still in the process of repairing myself but my advice if you start beleiving its a giant mountain to climb then it becomes exactly that so dont overthink it just go with the flow.

Re: Friendship advice needed!

I feel your pain bro. I was in the same sitituation. When did you move? Start of the year or during the year? It takes time to meet the friends you are looking for, especially in high school. Don't stress about your old friends - keep in touch the best you can but remember they might not be permanent. Talk and hang out with a variety of peeps, get to know alot of people - they don't nessarily need to be in the same year group but same year group would be better. Be polite to people cuz that is what friends are looking for. Don't hang out with those rebelish peeps, they will be a bad influence etc and you might have to do stuff you don't want to do to fit in wit them. Yeah, hope my advice is useful and tell us how you go. You don't need a massive load of friends to start with, start with one and after that, your number of friends will grow ;D

Good luck bro