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Friendship is sooo fragile

I got high marks from this semester while my best friend got quite low. And she stopped talking with me. I'm very sad now. I even apologized to her for telling her my mark but still...what should I do, I really love her

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

Hey @Sx I completely understand how you're feeling right now. I'm still studying and it does get tricky when it comes to friendships getting mixed in with school work. Congratulations though for getting high marks!

I hope you don't mind me asking but did she suddenly stopped talking to you when she find out your marks? I myself am going through the same thing right now and it completely devastates me that something so little such as semester marks can ruin such a beautiful friendship, but I guess that's just high school. As far as I can see you've already apologised to her for something that's not your fault, I don't see how you getting high marks and her getting low marks is any of your fault. I suggest that you talk to her about even if she doesn't listen. Even she doesn't listen to you at least you tried to explain yourself and made things clear. I believe that if she loves you as much as you love her then you guys will get through this.

Hope that helped you even if it's just a little bit. Keep me updated and feel free to talk to us here and we'll help you in any way we can😊

Hardships and misunderstandings can make a friendship bond stronger than any other thing.
Sx

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

Thank you very much @SkyIsTheLimit for your help! 

 

It's not like she suddenly stopped talking. I saw my marks first and told her I was so happy at my marks (I thought she'd get good ones too as she studied hard), she said stop saying that. At then, she didn't check her marks yet. Then we talked sth else. The next day I found her post on FB, complaining about marks and said "if you're the one who complained about you didn't do well but finished with awesome marks, get away from me". I even didn't realise she means me....And tried to comfort her...I sent her dozens messages, I called her, then I apologised, no reply. It's been two days. I still couldn't believe that. She was really nice and loving to me. I can't do anything else but keep thinking this. Just UNBELIEVABLE. 

 

Perhaps I should stop contacting her, and give us time. Thank you sooo very very much for the understanding and hope you will get through it too.

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

Hey @Sx,

 

Congratulations on getting really good grades! That is something you should be really proud of, even if it doesn't feel like it based on how your friend is feeling and reacting. It sounds like you worked hard to get your grade and you deserve it. Smiley Happy 

 

It is great that you have tried reaching out to support your friend. It is a really unfortunate thing when these kinds of things happen. I have been on both the receiving end and causing end of this type of situation.  I remember once I thought I worked so hard on a unit and did awful in comparison to a bunch of friends. I really thought I deserved a better grade but it turned out other things were affecting my judgement and I didn't put in as much time and effort and I didn't necessarily understand the content that well, but I didn't reach out for help. I was negative towards the people who did better than me at first and it kind of turned into a competitive mentality for a while. The way I ended up getting through it, and I was very lucky, my friend actually helped me with my school work and I learnt the skills to speak to my teacher about getting help and practicing. Perhaps you don't need to mention the grades again, but if you feel up to it, seeing as this is your friend, you may feel comfortable working together on school work or talking about how you're going throughout the semester. Saying things like "I'm not quite sure I understand this, do you?" Or "how are you feeling about this test coming up?" could help and show your friend that working together and supporting and remaining positive is more important than the actual grade result. I find that being honest and encouraging can really help people when they're struggling with grades. It sounds like your friend might just need that positive encouragement and I think ultimately they would appreciate it. I also find that finding something to do together that has nothing to do with school work where you can just be friends and be positive and encouraging towards each other can also help build each other up when you're not doing so well. 

 

Another case, and just recently, I was in a group assignment and my group did incredibly well. A pair we knew didn't do well at all so I really felt uncomfortable talking about my grade because I didn't want others to feel bad. However - it's really important to always try your best and do what works for you. I think giving your friend time is a fantastic idea! Keep us updated on how it goes.

 

And remember - Go You!!! And well done again Smiley Very Happy 

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

Hi @Sx

Good job on your marks! I'm sorry to hear that this situation happened though Smiley Sad 

It's really good that you tried to apologise and reach out to her, it really shows you care. It sounds like your friend may be insecure about her mark. Maybe after a period of time she will come around? I hope she will! Please keep us updated 

Sx

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

Thanks a lot @mspaceK for your generous sharing and suggestions!!

 

Indeed, it's very comfortable to talk about grades when others didn't do quite well. I didn't contact her today, hopefully she will be better soon! I'll update if there's any news...Thanks again!!

Sx

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

Thank you for the support missep! I do care her a lot, that's why I feel heartbreaking when she doesn't answer me. Now I'm waiting and trying to do other things to distract myself from bad feelings. Thank you!

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

@Sx that's a good idea, try to take time and focus on yourself!

Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

No worres at all Smiley Happy this problem resonates well with my schooling experiences throughout the years. All the best!

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Re: Friendship is sooo fragile

@Sx from what I can see you've done nothing wrong. You weren't insensitive about it. And it's true some people who've studied really hard can at times not get the marks they were aiming for but that's not something she should take out on you. You've done your very best, and I'm sure she did too, just that your marks were higher than hers! You've already comforted her and you've tremendously apologised to her even though you did nothing; I can tell you are an amazing friend who values your friendship very much.

How I'm dealing with my issues is that I've done nothing wrong, it's not my fault that I got higher marks than her so I see no reason for me to apologise or anything to her. I realised that after I kept on messaging her apologising. I stopped messaging her and now I'm just waiting for what she does next. If she really values me as much as she says she'll see that it wasn't any of my fault.

I can't really tell you what to do best but I tell you now that whatever action you choose will lead to something that'll benefit you. I wish you all the best and update me with what's happening!