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Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

 Hi everyone , 


I'm bunny walks and I was a  asian migrant intending to make Australia home , getting a passport, and get a house on a leafy street. My goals were all material and ive made some self centered descisions in retrospect.


I romantized on getting the passport and it would solve all my Islamic identity crisis.


As an international student the passport and a degree are like the Premierships of Achievements especially after the fees mum and dad spend to be allowed in Australia. It pumps your heart when your late to an exam with public transport.


I had deprived myself in my first year by not making friends and avoided social functions like balls , After exam parties , music festivals to not look rich.  I'd hear horror stories about an alcoholic uncle who was forced to pay for rounds during his uni days , peers and homeless people probing are you rich over and over .  Looking back I would've at least spent some money looking good at Uni.


Your pulse stops when the question keeps hitting you and the vein in by your eyebrows twitches.


I made an effort in my second and third year . Fortunate to have met people who I wouldn't want to forget. I'd make an effort to call them  in the future.  Alot of events felt socially mindless, tbh. It was just hi and byes and loads of shallow questions. I need to work on my small talk with strangers but when some chemistry sparked it was worth it.


My whites friends are emotionally complex people and I can appreciate that. but it's like having a pet that you need to give it your care and focus. I'm just slowing down on new friendships ATM.


Right now everyone wants to settle down with their project and their partners.


And I need to complete my tertiary education and be able to take care of myself. 


They'll be time and time and again where I'll reassess my goals. Right now while work is important where would  make room for some excitement in my life and be responsible for my own social life.


I've decided to make Australia a place to party and let loose due to it's playful nature. Also clubs in Malaysia are just not to my liking.


Right now I do want that boring office  job and side projects but would like to keep some excitement Alive.


How do i ultimately keep track over what I want out of life as I get older ?


I'm not even sure over what I want long term ATM . Right now I will dabble in my interest and make time for reading books.

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Hi @BunnyWalks


The short answer is that you don't. 


You've said it yourself that you've changed over the year where you wanted to become more social rather than isolated. Life is ever changing and your views and desires will change along with you. 


This is why a lot of people have 'mid life crisis because they change their views and wants so suddenly and feel like they wasted their life not fullfillng those dreams.


What I suggest and what I personally do is just go with the flow. If you have something set then go get it, if not then do what you want the most or something close to it. Also write down your big goals in life, always work towards those. But everyone gets to their goals differently, I don't think writing a step by step on how to get there would be beneficial.

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Hi @BunnyWalks,


It is important to focus on your own goals as they will likely be different from those of other people you know. 

Your short term goals are likely to change and grow as you decide on what you want from your future and this will help inform your longer term goals.

It's okay not to know what you want long term right now. You have plenty of time to decide this!

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Hey @BunnyWalks :-)


I think what you've done already by writing a post is a good way to keep track of goals. Some other suggestions might be journalling, writing letters to yourself to read on your birthday, making a five year plan or yearly goals. :-)

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Hi @LeoTheLion,

I can see myself aligning to that insight.

ATM I aware with the things I like and I'll experiement with them.

As a young person I focus on personal growth atm and material goals are important to some but they don't seem all that connected to what I'm doing.

How do I make time for the material ones so I can keep track of them ?


I'm 23 and have never held a Job how can be responsible and take steps to adulting ? 

Like I'd want some savings atleast so I'd stop depending on mum and dad for everything.

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits



I can find a few good reasons to write myself letters of encouragement , appreciate that I change, and admire the obstacles I've accomplish especially life style and mentally.


I reckon this would be a good way to recognize my wins. On a yearly basis.


But im aware I have to atleast consider others critisms of me whether it impacts them in a negative manner. So remain I personable in a face to face senario and deter it so the ego doesn't get to my head.



Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Achieving material goals and saving up kind of cancel each other out haha @BunnyWalks (By material goals I assume are like items). This just comes down to what you want more. Material stuff or money to be more independent. 


We think that we are good at multi-tasking but studies have shown that we actually are very bad at it. I believe it's the same when trying to achieve intrinsic goals. Sure working on yourself in multi-dimensions is great and sounds efficient but are we really aiming for efficiency? Always quality over quantity so pick a thing you want to focus on and work at it. (It's okay to work on smaller goals on the side, I'm just talking about the big life goals that you have).


In terms of adulting, I'm not good at that myself so...Monkey see monkey do I guess. I see all adults have a job so I went out and got one myself. No one came to the world born with a job. Try job websites like Seek. Apply for as many as you can, since it is your first job you don't really have any leeway on jobs. Nowadays companies prefer work experience over a lot of things. One thing at a time for adulting, but a job is always first (driving is actually semi first depending on where you live but not at all necessary).

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Yeah I'm heaps bad at multitasking and I can't get a goal done. Especially work.


Seeing I'm don't have an income PTransport is a realistic way to get around it.


I'm in uni and when I finish I have an idea where I can get my first job to support myself.


Right now I can promise I'll apply to get a nibble .


Am I a necessirily bad person for not owning/driving a car ? I don't think I am personally cause if I can't afford to have one i shouldn't be thinking about it in the first place.


Another thing for goals I suppose I cant compare to my achievements to others achievement. Cause I know if I do it will demotivate me. Is this a healthy way to look at it ?

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Hi @BunnyWalks


It seems like you have a good plan and some goals to reach!

That's great that you have a plan to get work when you finish uni! Smiley Happy


If you have no reason to own a car and drive then that's totally fine! What works for some does not work for others!

You should try not to compare yourself to others, as everyone is at different stages in their lives an has different goals they are aspiring to. So looking at it the way you are is perfectly healthy! Smiley Happy

Re: Having a realistic goals/ reflection on unhealthy habits

Hi @dog_lover94 ,

That's very reassuring the way you've put it to me. Thank you @dog_lover94 I found that's a helpfulway to look at it.

It motivates me to take action and plan some aspects of my life.