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His ex girlfriend

I am with to the most amazing man who I really love. He is kind, caring and sweet and loves me. The only problem is that he was best friends with his ex-girlfriend. He is no longer friends with her, but I am still hurt. I can't seem to move on.

Re: His ex girlfriend is ruining our relationship

Hi Clara

 

It sounds like you're under a lot of stress there.

 

Firstly, about him saying his ex's name — I'm a guy and I have done this before. More than once. It was very shocking and embarrassing for me, and I was the one who said it! I can't speak for your partner but, for me, it was just about old habits that can be hard to break. When I said it, my ex was the furthest thing from my mind, but I said her name automatically — completely without thinking. I know it's hard to believe but don't take it personally.

 

As for the other things he said, talking about her, I've made that mistake too. Again, nothing to do with feelings for another person; everything to do with trying to impress the person you're with — in a very misguided fashion.

 

From what you've said, it sounds like he's made a lot of sacrifices for you, including giving up some friends. And the two of you are getting married (congrats!). 

 

Above all else, relationships are about trust. Do you trust him?

 

 

If you're worried this might be affecting your mental health, have you spoken to a counsellor or a therapist? Doing so can help you work through some of these thoughts so that you can move on.

 

 

What do others here think? 

Re: His ex girlfriend is ruining our relationship

Hi Lex,

 

Thank you for your reply. Your explanations have helped a lot.

 

Yes I trust him. In all honesty I didn't for a while. Especially while he was friends with his ex. He never ever lied to me and has always been honest. I know he has made sacrifices for me. I've had issues with my father who has made it very hard for me to trust men.

 

I did see a therapist for a while and found he did not help at all. Perhaps it was the therapist I went to?

 

My main concern is not being able to get over this. I want to move on. We're getting married in two months.

 

 

 

Re: His ex girlfriend is ruining our relationship


@clara_bella2012 wrote:

I did see a therapist for a while and found he did not help at all. Perhaps it was the therapist I went to? 


Hi Clara

 

Some people find that it might require trying a couple of different therapists before finding one that works for them. Maybe try another one?

Re: His ex girlfriend is ruining our relationship

Hey Clara 

 

I empathise with you girl. Relationships are hard and ex's are just a very tough topic. Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement Smiley Happy You are so strong to voice this to us and you should be proud of yourself because thats the first step. Well I think some relationships go through this, I had issues with my boyfriends ex girlfriend and I just didnt know where I stood and I think because your fiance said her name when you first started dating it started to make u feel a bit wary, is that right? 

 

You are hurt and I can see why you would be. He seems to love you so much and you love him too and that is great but moving on from things and getting over things is never easy. Living in the moment takes some positive self talk, reminding yourself that he loves you, reminding yourself how beautiful and amazing you are and how lucky he is to have you. The way I see it in my relationship, I don't assume anything unless I have proof and the more I put trust in my boyfriend the more he feels less pressure from me. 

 

Your relationship is different so have you thought of sitting down and talking to him about how you feel and see if you can come to some kind of understanding? 

 

Hope you get back to us Smiley Happy

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: His ex girlfriend is ruining our relationship

Thank you for your replies. Your advice does really help Smiley Happy

 

I am going to try another therapist. The first one made me feel worse about my situation and scared me of the whole therapy idea.

 

Yes I do feel wary since he called me her name and being best friends with her made it much worse. However, that is all over now and I need to live in the present instead of the past. We love each other so much. We have tried talking about the issue, but usually end up fighting. However, we recently had a calm discussion, but then next day this was followed by an argument. He is so sick of talking about this as am I.

Re: His ex girlfriend is ruining our relationship

Hey Clara 

 

Im glad you are getting something out of this and seeing another therapist might really help, I think you just need to find what works for you and if one doesnt do it for you then you just gotta keep trying Smiley Happy 

 

Well have you thought of both you and him getting Couples counselling, someone in the middle who can help you have a calm discussion and to work through it together? 

 

Take your time because a relationship will never be perfect but all you can do is compromise and be open and honest with each other Smiley Happy 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**