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How to tell if im in love with my best friend?

Hey guys

So I have been friends with my best friend for almost 8 years we are now in University (different degrees, same uni) and I definitely love her in a platonic soulmate way (I'd give her a kidney if she needed one) and I occasionally go hmm we are pretty close but its just how we are but literally everyone including my other friends and family think we are together. I don't think I have a 'crush' on her but I don't know if I love her more than a friend. Iv never had a crush or been in love with anyone. I was wondering if based on the following info I might? Or if someone can tell me how you can tell platonic love vs romantic love?
So we talk most days via text (usually multiple times a day) if we don't I either wonder if she's ok or if I did something to annoy her. I suppose I treat her differently from my other friends like I like buying her stuff because it makes her happy and I have a photo wall of polaroids we have taken when we hang out. We have movie nights and watch movies on my bed and I suppose lean on each other. I get kind of jealous when she hangs out with other people. I'm not a touchy or huggy person I only have 2 people I really like hugging and she is one of them. We go on like birthday dates and for birthdays we write letters and give song suggestions not cards and organise like surprise birthday picnics etc. She is my lock screen we have probs 400+ photos of us on our phones. All of this could definitely be like a very close but last night we went to the Troye Sivan concert together and we were surrounded by hundreds of gay couples and I realised we kind of were acting like most of the actual couples and we kind of fit in like the linking arms and kind of constantly touching in some way and the like arm around the shoulder thing also I could tell she really wanted a hoodie from the merch stand but she couldn't afford it so I bought us matching ones and now I'm poor lol (they pricey). And like we looked at each other while singing the songs at some points and she kept crying during the concert (i feel like thats a bit gay). Also no clue if she likes sometimes i think she does.

Anyway so am I big gay in love with her or is she my platonic soulmate?

Ps: I am bisexual so not having a sexuality crisis also she knows and is like ill fight anyone who has a problem with it


Re: How to tell if im in love with my best friend?

Hi @Charlie-29-1999 


It must be confusing for you to not quite understand how you feel. I think only you can decide if you have romantic feelings towards your friend.

Would you feel comfortable talking about this with your friend? Talking it out with her might help you figure out your feelings. 

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your friend, do you have another friend or family member who knows you both who might be able to help you figure out how you feel?


My best friend from high school and I had a very similar relationship to the one you described and we never had romantic feelings for one another. I definitely think that you can have very close friendships like that without developing romantic feelings. But it is also possible to develop feelings for close friends, two of my friends are now in a relationship after years of being good friends. So I think both the scenarios you described are possible.



Re: How to tell if im in love with my best friend?

I think it's really great how you and your friend have such a special relationship @Charlie-29-1999! You're so lucky to have been friends for so long. I think we would all love to have a friend like that in our life.  Smiley Happy

It can be hard to distinguish between romantic feelings and friendship feelings. But I agree with @dog_lover94. Only you can tell how you feel towards your friend.
I think what you've described can apply to both friendships and romantic relationships. For example, I think jealousy can also be common in friendships. I had a friend who didn't like me talking or hanging out with our mutual friends because she thought I was trying to take them away from her or 'hogging' them, when all I wanted to do was spend time with them too.

Something that has helped me in the past with clarifying how I feel about people is to write down the particular thoughts and emotions that come up.
Sometimes, you can also feel different physical signs that a friend is more than just a friend, such as changes in your heartbeat when you think about or are around your friend.