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I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

Hi Reachout , 


I was on this uni trip and it got wild for my standards. I met a lady friend who I found attractive an clicked with. There was a high usage of alcohol on this trip


I'm a male to give some context.


We boosted the tunes and it went off.


But I felt bad when I saw her making out with another guy, bob on the trip.  


I mean she was single at the time and I was just a friend. We weren't an item in anyway .Sure I was jealous of him but I assumed if they were both okay with it. what was the problem ? I don't know why I feel so personally about this.


I had hoped her to see me that way but it fell short of my expectation.


Since then I don't feel like Im desired in a sexual way by the opposite sex.  I don't feel like I deserve someone that's attracted to me physically.  It bothers and brings me down. 


Facial wise I look like a tanned Chinese person with very visible acne scars.


I'm trying to improve my diet and invested in some grooming items like moisturizer by cetaphil.


I also look patchy Because of peeled skin from australias climate.


I have back acne too.


Has anyone felt this way before ? 


Is there something I could do to change my perspective ?


How can I deal with this better ?


Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

Hey @BunnyWalks i moved your thread for you as it was hiding in our live chat section! I'll send some people heading your way to help you out now Smiley Happy


Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.


It definitely sucks when the person you have a crush on kisses someone else. Jealousy is natural and something that is not easy to control. Sometimes it's hard to suss out whether some one likes you back as a friend or as something more - we've all struggled with this.

You may feel like you are unattractive or undesirable sometimes, but it is important to realise that we are all unique, and what one girl may not find attractive, somebody else will.

It's completely natural to compare yourself to others, everybody does it, myself included, from time to time. It seems like you are very self aware and are taking some steps in the right direction to work on your confidence Smiley Happy

sometimes it rains, sometimes it shines, this is how flowers grow

Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

Hey @BunnyWalks, I think a lot of people can relate to how you feel! Seeing someone you like hook up with someone else can really hurt and in your situation I would be jealous too, and it can be really easy to compare yourself to that other person and see yourself as somehow inferior.


But like @jvkn said it's really important to keep in mind that it's not personal and that everyone has different standards and expectations for things like these. It might not even be that she doesn't like you, but she just has a really casual view on hooking up with multiple people. 


You deserve someone that is physically attracted to you and sees you as good-looking and desirable because you are! It seems like you struggle with issues of self-esteem and confidence, and there are definitely steps that can be taken to work on that. I find it helpful to remember that regardless of how anybody else views or treats me, that doesn't change who I am as a person or make me somehow less desirable or less 'worthy' of attention--it's more on their own issues and standards than it has to do with me. Being not afraid to take chances and asking people out/making the first move can also really improve your self-confidence: the more experience you have with things like these, the more confident you become and the more you take these things less personally. Even if you don't believe it yet, operate on the principle that you are a fun, attractive person that people want to spend time with and others will notice that attitude and energy about you and respond in turn.





Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

Hi @DirtWitch


You understood the circumstances I experience well. Haha.


I thought you recognized what I was going through and I'll try the suggestions. 


However I'm all for asking people out but what activities are suited. I was thinking like bowling , hiking etc I'm open to something different these days.


I'll try group but i make friendship via one on one interactions .


So asking to enjoy one person's company is risky and I wouldn't want to look creepy.


Major points for participative and inclusive  activities.





Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

hey @BunnyWalks! Good to hear from you.


I've definitely felt what you've been through before and I'm glad you were able to connect to what I was saying. It's also really great that you're trying new things! Bowling and hiking are all good ideas. I'm a lot like you in that I make friends through one-on-one interactions as well.


I think a lot of people are afraid of asking others to hang out for fear of looking creepy, but I guess a good perspective to have on it is: if someone came up to you and said 'hey, I found this really cool hiking route the other day, wanna check it out with me?' how would you feel?


However, it makes sense that you feel more comfortable hanging out in large groups and I also think that doing group activities is a great opportunity to get to know other people better. I think playing video games together is also a really fun activity, as well as going to clubs and festivals. It might also be fun to do a day trip together e.g. to the beach, having dinner and going to movies, or even just having lunch at a cool restaurant. If you're more active it would also be really fun to form your own sports team like netball or Quidditch, haha.


Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

Hi @DirtWitch


what makes me afraid to ask people out because my home country of malaysia is just that to look eligible to go out you'd need to own your own car,cash to look eligible and be someone of influence/ position/ rank

 roads in malaysia are horrendus for manual drivers  and while my sister gets the four wheel auto I got the mini manual.  


i feel so emasculated for not being confident on the road and not owning my own car. given that i am an international who lives of his parents my boundaries are limited .


 i thought of making this priority to be more social next semester due to my society becoming too objective driven which isnt helpful on social occasions.


also good suggestions on going to clubs but does it make me creepy if i go alone ? 

do you just chat up someone on the weekend ?


Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

hey @BunnyWalks, good to hear from you again!


My home country is also Asian so I can definitely relate to what you're saying, though things are different for me since I'm not a guy. Your situation with the car must feel very frustrating; I think it's important not to put too much blame on yourself and recognize that right now things like expecting yourself to own a car isn't too realistic, and that there are a LOT of students who don't own cars but still manage to have happy and thriving social lives.


I also think it is very insightful of you to notice how you think your society is becoming too objective driven and consciously taking steps to move away from that mindset. We all rely on external things to feel good about ourselves but relying on them too much is unhealthy and can result in a very unstable sense of self. 


When it comes to clubs I think it's generally better to go with at least one friend, going with a group is best. It doesn't have to be anyone you're close to, even just a group of acquaintances can be a lot of fun.


If you're looking for stuff like romance, I would suggest signing up for maybe Tinder because I think using an app is a good way of getting more experience with stuff like that without it being too confrontational. Of course, there is also nothing wrong with asking someone out for a coffee or if you can buy them a drink, as long as you are casual about it and back off if they say no. The more you do this kind of stuff the more confident you get and the more you understand how things work, so even though it's scary at first know that in time it gets easier Smiley Happy


Re: I don't feel like I'm attractive to the opposite sex.

Hi @BunnyWalks from my experience of living in Australia (and being a female) having a car/cash/being someone of influence aren't determining factors in relationships, though I can see how coming from a different culture could make these things seem magnified in importance.


I think making a conscious choice to be more social sounds like a really effective decision. Could you join a club or do some volunteering as a means of becoming more social? What do you think?   

// Spiral outward, keep going. //