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I just want friends

Is it too much to ask to have some friends? All I want is some friends to play board and card games with. But instead I'm alone. And it really sucks. 

Uni hasn't been very helpful in making friends and I'm more than halfway through my second year. Plus I have no idea how to actually make friends. 


How did you make friends in school or wherever? 

What sort of things did you do with them? And how did you ask them to do things?


Re: I just want friends

Hey @N1ghtW1ng, I've faced a super similar issue coming into uni and having to start the whole making-friends process again.

A thing that I've found helps so much is to join a club - most unis will have heaps and it really helps connect to like-minded people. My boyfriend was having trouble finding friends and after joining the AYCC (Australian youth climate coalition - I think) he's found a bunch of new people and is really coming out of his shell. Is this something that you feel might work for you? I suppose that may also depend on how far you live from uni and your other commitments.

As for what you say to new friends, i totally understand how it can feel like a really complex process and I'm somewhat glad I'm not the only one! People like all different types on conversation and sometimes staying true to yourself, getting on their level, seeming nice and approachable and also promoting a good friendship can feel complex as anything. My personal strategy when making friends (generally) is to talk about common ground such as uni, subjects, lecturers, etc., then try to add them on Facebook and start a discussion about something to do with uni before converting it into more recreational stuff. But everyone is different! It's totally down to your own personal friend-making strategies, but that may help to get the ball rolling Smiley Happy

I totally understand how crappy it can be trying to find new friends, I feel like I'm in a bit of the same boat because the uni friends I do have I'm not entirely comfortable around (just not my vibe) so I'm still on the look out for others. Hopefully we'll both get some luck down the track hey? Smiley Happy

Re: I just want friends

Hi @N1ghtW1ng, making friends at uni can be difficult because sometimes most people seem to hang out with people they have known from high school. Nevertheless, no matter what year of uni you are in it is never too late to make new friends.


As @basketofmonkeys as said, you can make friends by joining clubs. Perhaps there is a club where you can play card and board games. 


Another way to meet like-minded people is through volunteering. If there is a career website for your uni, there might be some volunteering opportunities you might be interested in.


The main way I have been making friends is by attending my classes and striking a conversation with the person next to me. I find it much easier to strike a conversation with someone who isn't attached to a group of people. And it's much easier to do at the beginning of the semester when you are attending lectures.


However, small classes like tutorials, labs and seminars encourage people to do group work or working in pairs. These are great because as you are doing the work, you can always have a quick chat to find more about the person. Things like, what they hope to do after they graduate and what units/subjects they are taking. So, I find small classes like these a good way to meet new people anytime during the semester. 


At the end of any class, I tend to ask people "what are they doing after class". If you are lucky, you both might have a class after lunch, so you could always have lunch together. Smiley Happy


On the other hand, if you were planning on treating yourself for a froyo after that last lecture or you wanted to try out this new place,  you could always invite someone to go there. 

So if you are both have no plans after a class, then you could suggest going somewhere. 


Your questions have made me realise that whenever I first talk to someone, I really have no idea as to how it will go. That is, I do not come in with the expectation that they will be my friend. And I think it's important to be open-minded and welcome to whatever happens when you strike a conversation with someone. Smiley Happy


I hope this helps you meet new people at uni. I would love to hear if you tried out any of the tips @basketofmonkeys and I had suggested.


Re: I just want friends

@N1ghtW1ng I shared your struggle in regards to university and making friends there. Here is what I did that helped:

I started volunteering somewhere outside of uni. I've only made one friend there, but that was enough. On the first day I met her, even though I was nervous, I pushed myself to make conversation about the book I was reading and it turned out she loves reading too. And then I suggested we exchange numbers in case we needed to swap volunteer shifts etc. We became friends after our volunteer co-ordinator told me she was feeling unwell and I texted to see if she was okay. All of those things were scary, and they could have gone very differently, but now she's one of my closest friends.

So my advice from that story is to do the scary thing. It may or may not pay off, but you won't know until you do it.


I don't have any close friends at uni this year since I took a gap year and am finding it hard to get to know the people in my new year level, but between my old uni friends and my new friend from volunteering, that feels okay.


Could you go to a meet up for people who like board games and card games? That way you know they'll have similar interests.


Sometimes people won't be receptive to your attempts to get to know them. I've tried to become friends with heaps of people and only a few have actually worked out and become friendships, so I think it's important to remember that even if 9 out of 10 attempts to go from being an acquaintance to a friend don't go well, or even 99 out of 100, that 100th person you click with will make the rest worth it.   


That turned into a really long answer, sorry! This post is something I can really relate to, and I'm sending you the very best of luck and also lots of support! Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: I just want friends

@basketofmonkeys @rvyb3 @letitgo thank you for all the suggestions Smiley Happy
My mains problems are 1: the clubs at uni aren't very many, are at inconvenient times and are impossible to join. Plus, everyone already has their own friends, so group work is basically just a horror movie for me.
I could try volunteering somewhere... I'm just so different from other people. Everyone's all popular things, socialising(bars,dancing,parties sort of thing) and stupid, gross, inappropriate jokes. I'm the opposite, and it makes it so difficult. Plus no one really lives near me anyway, so it's not anyone would want to hang out with me.

Thank you for your suggestions though! Smiley Happy

Re: I just want friends

Hey @N1ghtW1ng, I totally understand what you mean when you say that nobody lives close to you. I live really far out from uni and super far away from all of my friends, so it definitely makes socialising more difficult, but definitely not impossible.

It's totally fine if uni clubs aren't your thing, I know a lot of them are pretty niche and that can mean it's really hard to try and fit in with the people that are there. I suppose a lot of that comes down to the size of your university and what clubs in particular you'd be interested in.

Another thing that I've found helps is joining clubs - sporting clubs, social clubs or anything - that is outside of uni itself. I used to do kung-fu between high-school and uni as a way to expand my friend base and it really helped just to get out, at a routine time, and mingle with the same people. Plus, if you're doing something like that that they are already interested in, then you have something in common from the start. Do you think that might be something you could do?