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I lie to make myself feel better

Hi everyone. My life has been quite strange, as in I don't feel like I've been living it like most others do. I'm 17 years old and my social life is not the best. I don't really have a true friend in my real life, only online friends that I talk to on my computer or on my phone. But to get to the real problem, I'm a liar. I lie every day, to everyone I know. Sometimes about small, stupid things and sometimes about serious topics. Mostly because I'm jealous of people. This one time, a guy that I hang out with had just gotten a girlfriend and everything in his life was going so well. I think I felt happy for him, but for some reason I felt more unhappy for myself because I didn't have what he did. So I got jealous, and at some point I started making up I had a girlfriend myself. I created a fake person, with fake information and lied about it to him - and soon also to others. The lie worked, but more and more people got involved. To this day, about 2 to 3 years after I started it, I still haven't confessed. I'm pretty sure most know it's a lie by now, but I've never owned up to it. This is just one example out of so many more. Nowadays, I mostly lie to online friends because it is easier. When they're interested in me when I say things about me that aren't true, or show care when I lie about being sad, it makes me feel like I'm someone. But at times like this where I'm feeling so much regret, and hatred for myself, I wish I could fix this. I don't know if I'm a pathological liar or just an attention seeker, but I truly want it to stop. Just seems like I can't get myself to do it. I was wondering if there is maybe someone that has this too, or knows about this, or wants to help. Anything. I would really appreciate it. Thank you. 

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Re: I lie to make myself feel better

Hey @jeroen 

 

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for being so brave to come here and be vulnerable. It's often the hardest step to start talking about this stuff - so well done for being here! Heart 

 

It is really hard to sit with behaviours that we don't quite understand about ourselves. It must be a tough place for you to be in. I want to reassure you that everyone lies at times and for lots of different reasons, this doesn't make you a bad person. What I can see is that you are honest with yourself about what you're doing - that is the most important thing. Being honest with yourself means you can work on the behaviours that aren't serving you well. 

 

I hope you are proud of yourself for making this first step. Do you think it would be helpful to unpack this more with a trusted family member or even a counsellor? Let me know what you think Heart 

 

 

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Re: I lie to make myself feel better

Hi @jeroen, thank you for sharing this with us- it's clear it's a serious and important topic to you. 

Along with what @Bre-RO  suggested, might I suggest that if you talk to a trusted adult or a mental health professional, it might be really useful to write down when you do this behaviour, why you did it, and how you felt, or at least record it in some way that is meaningful to you? Only write/note down what you feel ok with. It may help you identify a pattern that you can discuss with a professional, and bring about some clarity for you in general. 

Let us know what you think, and take things one step at a time. 

 

-Tay100

 

 

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Re: I lie to make myself feel better

Hi @jeroen! Welcome to the forums!

That sounds like a really tough issue. I think it's really brave of you to reach out about your experience on here and want to change. Heart
I'm not a person who tells a lot of lies but I can relate to other aspects of your experience. I often find myself making excuses or emphasising the hard parts of my life when people ask questions about my life that make me feel bad about myself. I know people who lie a lot though, so you're definitely not alone. I think everyone tries to compensate socially to some degree, especially when we're young and feeling as though there is pressure on us to do or achieve certain things or act like other people.

Is there anything that you can do instead when you feel as though you have to lie? Do you think it would help you to confide in someone you trust?