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I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

Well, we met off an app called whisper a month ago. He was a Virgin and just curious about sex so we slept together a few times. We only really started dating on the 15th of January. We are still getting to know each other at the moment. We're just scared that if we tell anyone his best friend might be upset that he would have been one of the last people to know. His best friend has previously liked me. There's also the thing that if we tell our friends it might not work out because I feel we're not ready to tell anyone. But because we live so close someone is bound to see us when we go out and they'll find out anyway and then there will be even more questions asked.

How long is too long to keep our relationship a secret, not even his parents know that we're together.
Sincerely Anonymous reader
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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

Hi! Sounds like a bit of a tricky situation here. 

Just to be clear, is people getting upset the reason you dont want to tell anyone?

 

A good thing to do is to make a pros/cons list. In this list, include the consequences of the actions. So, for instance, telling his best friend might mean the friend is hurt, but being found out could also hurt him because he was lied to.

 

Personally, I don't think keeping a relationship secret for any long amount of time is good. Being secretive and sneaking around and being afraid of being caught out will probably be a very tense and anxious time. Being upfront and honest might hurt some people, but ultimately you may find it easier to cope with yourself in the long run. Another thing I like to think about is "you problems" vs "me problems" 

eg, I was honest about my relationship and didn't want to hurt anyone, so if someone gets upset about it, its a them problem, not a me problem. 

 vs 

I decided to keep my relationship secret and thats making me upset because I can't be open to the ones I love and I'm lashing out because of it. It's a me problem, not a you problem.

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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

Hey @Hicks! Relationships can always be tricky things, aren't they?

If that friend is important to you or your date, perhaps you both could let him know together? Having support with you when giving news could help you feel more comfortable with doing so. It could be better this way than having him find out in a round-about way, what do you think?

 

As far as a secret relationship, I can only give a personal experience from seeing friends where they've kept it secret and they've been perfectly fine. It really depends on how comfortable you both are on keeping it a secret and how ready you are to talk about it in case people do find out. Good luck, whichever decision you may choose! Smiley Happy

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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

That's not really my main concern. It's more that I don't know him too well yet and I don't want any peer pressure
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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

Then I think waiting maybe, and getting to know him better sounds like a good option ^-^ have fun! the start of new relationships is so exciting ! 

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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

hi @Hicks. is the situation getting any better?

I know how it feels like to think that peer pressure might push you into doing something you're not comfortable with nor ready for. my advice is its all up to you. if you want to take it slow and get to know him mentally instead of physically he'll respect it if you mean a lot to him. and if you choose to do that, do it on your own pace, its your life, you make your own decisions so you shouldn't let others tell you or force you into doing something you don't want to. trust me i've been there. my friend pressured me into getting a relationship with her boyfriend's best friend who had a crush on me, i ended up not only hurting him but also myself because i had the guilt weighing me down. the guilt of keeping the relationship a secret from my parents and everyone else and the guilt of hurtting someone innocent because i gave into peer pressure.

get to know him better to avoid any heartbreak on both person and be strong <3
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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

Haha, nevermind my bf dumped me and now I'm seeing a fwb every night. Sneaking out to see him, cuz it's the only way I can see him. My dad thinks I have a boyfriend so on Friday when I go dancing with him I just say I'm out with my boyfriend
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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

Hi @Hicks I'm very sorry to hear that you're no longer with your boyfriend. How are you feeling at the moment? 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

I'm not ok, I just came back from the hospital. I'm OK, that's life though. I actually don't even know what me and my fwb are tbh. He wants to take me dancing and move out with me.
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Re: I'm hiding my relationship and so is he is that OK?

@Hicks dancing sounds awesome... I hope you're okay after your hospital vis! How does your next catch up with him feel to you at the moment?