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I'm too needy / clingy ....

Hey everyone! Smiley Happy I don't post very often but I've got something I need to get off my chest.

 

I'm extremely blessed to have a wonderful bunch of friends. But lately I think I have been very needy/burdensome. I've had a lot to deal with over the last few months and it really took its toll recently. I thought I was going to have to go into hospital for suicidal thoughts, but luckily I have since recovered. I do think that I relied on my friends too much for support, and that I may have possibly ruined friendships - I can't really tell if I have crossed any boundaries here. It's really starting to play on my mind, so I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience?

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Edit: clarification

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

G'day there @mrmusic thanks for sharing. Yep a bunch of us have possibly leaned on our friends a little bit too much at times. I know I certainly have, many of us do. Specifically those of us who feel like we cannot talk to our family or maybe don't have family available to talk to. So you're totally not alone Smiley Happy 

 

Are there specific friends you are concerned about currently who may have indicated they are feeling burdened? Would it be possible to talk to these friends, even if it's scary. Something (in your own words) along the lines of "Hey, I really appreciate everything you've done for me over the last few months. At times I feel I have depended on you a lot, and I don't take it for granted. I just want to check in on how you're feeling now, I am relying on you too much? Because I am here for you too." 

 

I will tag other RO members for input Smiley Happy @ErinsAntics @Brendos94 @FootyFan26 @Bee @letitgo @missep

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

Hey @Bree-RO

My friends haven't said anything, but the dynamic seems to have got a bit weird. I think I need to say something, but I guess I'm scared they wouldn't believe me. I guess I've got to try.

 

You're right about not being open with my family. They are really good to me, but I don't feel comfortable being open with them about everything. It's very complicated!!!

 

Cheers for the tags.

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

Hi @mrmusic! Like @Bree-RO, I too have relied on my friends at times, so you are definitely not alone in this, but I understand how it can feel weird afterwards, as the dynamic can change a bit.

I think it's great that you felt you could rely on them, but as they were supporting you with everything and during recovery, may I ask why you feel they may not believe you?

It's natural to be scared, but I think even trying to fix your relationships is a brave and strong move, so kudos to you!

 

 

How are you feeling today?

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

Hey @mrmusic Hope your feeling good today. Never feel like your being to burdensome to your friends. Friends are always there in times of need. Last Year i had an issue with an Ex @Bree-RO @missep @honky and @scared01 where all there for me. The issues I had meant I couldn't even talk to my parent's about it so i seeked help from Headspace that helped alot.

 

Have you Considered seeking Professional help if it's needed.

 

I'm always online if you need Someone to chat/vent with

-------------------
I'm a man.
A man who knows how to get things.

 

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

Hey guys, thanks for the replies.

 

@sweet_baking I’ve noticed lately that the friendship appears very one-way , i.e. me needing support, and them supporting me. I really want to support them if they need it, but I don’t know if they would approach me. This has been going on for a little while now, I’ve had issues with depression and anxiety, and they are great friends. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be a good friend to them, but I don’t think I have.

 

@Brendos94 I’m currently seeing a psychiatrist about my meds for depression, and I’ve seen a number of psychologists before. The first one I saw was a number of years ago at my local headspace, but I could only have 10 free sessions, and they wouldn’t let me pay for any more - a real bugger because I really got on with him. My next psych was also very good, but she left the practice very suddenly, so I was allocated another one in the practice who kept cancelling appointments... I think if I get a psych I can trust to be there for me, things might return to normal with my friends.

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

That's tough!
It's great that you are acknowledging that you may rely them too much and are looking into possibly seeing a psych. 

It can take a whole to find the right psych but once you do, you will notice some positive improvements. Have you chatted to your psychiatrist about finding a good psych they might have some recommendations for ones that you might be able to click with?

I always try and remind myself that my friends are my friends first not my psychologist. Of course I do have close friends who are more than happy for me to lean on them but I always try not to go to intense with what I tell them.

One thing you could do is show your appreciation to your friends by taking them out for coffee, having them round for movies and pizza or even just writing them a letter telling them how much they mean to you. By acknowledging them and how much they have supported you means they won't feel like you have been taking advantage of them.

Hopefully things get better for you Smiley Happy

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Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

@mrmusic I'm sorry to hear that happened. With headapace you can get 10 free session per calender year as explained to me by my gp

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

@mrmusic that's a really difficult situation to be in, and it's really lucky that you've had their support during such tough times. I'm with @ErinsAntics, in that you could show my friends through a gesture (if words don't seem enough), how much you've appreciated their support, and  that despite your own issues, you're always going to be there for them as well. This way, I honestly believe your friendships won't have to feel one-sided, even if you may be feeling that way at the moment.

 

I've been in a similar situation, in that 10 sessions is far from enough sometimes, especially when you build a good rapport with someone. I wish you all the best in finding a psychologist now that understands you well, and with whom you can build a good relationship!

Re: I'm too needy / clingy ....

Hi @mrmusic!
You're definitely not alone in this, I've had circumstances where I have felt the same way.
I think it might be worth speaking to your friends about it because they might be able to provide some insight and closure. I'm the type of person who can worry about things so if I get clarification then I don't have to worry anymore. I'm glad that you've recovered though, that's real good to hear.