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I need to tell my friend

Hey RO
So recently one of my best friends had a bit of drama involving a girl he has had a crush on for a while. She bascially found out and kinda told him to not talk to her again. My friend never had a chance to confront her about her reaction or to apologise or just to get general closure and she is refusing to talk to him and is staright up ignoring him.
Now, I do think it is pretty bad of her to not talk to him and to help get closure and I think her reaction may have been a bit of an overreatcion as they have never been in a relationship before and I think she suspected he liked her, however I do think my friend has a few faults and that may have contributed to this and his usual constant complaining.
It has become aware that he has anxiety and possible depression and I have been trying to help him through any tough times he has had, having experience with both myself, however, it has become clear to me that he is blaming other people for no true reason. He is generally a pretty serious and negative person and I don't think he understands that is kind of a turn off for other people in terms of socialisation and how people view you. I have talked to the people he complains about and they have tried to invite him to game events but he has refused or just acted negatively, leading them to stop inviting him. He does has a habit of turning people away who are trying to help him and I think that affects how people see him.
So RO, how can I tell my friend that maybe his negativity is really not helping his situaition and that he should try being a bit more social? I hated people telling me to "just cheer up" and I don't want to sound like that's what I'm saying, but I do know you can't put it on display and expect people to understand and take care of you.

Re: I need to tell my friend

If you didn't enjoy people telling you to cheer up when you were going through tough times, what did you find supportive or helpful @drhalloween - maybe you could use your experience as a guide!

Re: I need to tell my friend

Heya @drhalloween - I think ElleBelle has a good point there - is there anything you can imagine that would have helped you in the past?

 

Part of me thinks that it's possible yr friend won't be able to shake his negativity until he addresses the underlying issues & gets help. He sounds angry with the world and that's really common for young guys with depression. On the other hand there is eveidence to say if you start practicing projecting how you want to feel on the outside (even if you don't feel it on the inside) eventually you insides can catch up with your outsides.

 

Have you talked to yr friend about talking to someone about his anxiety/depression? eheadspace is a good start: it's anonymous, free and available wherever he has an internet connection. This factsheet might help you talk to him about it if he is not open to it at first.

 

Does anyone else have some ideas or been through something similar?

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I need to tell my friend

hey @drhalloween 

 

You are a really lovely person caring for you friend like this while they are going through a rough time!

 

i have found in the past that sometimes a really honest conversation can help, maybe saying something like 'i know it feels like everything is crap and you dont feel like anything is getting better.... but sometimes it takes making some changes on your own part for things to start looking up..' in my experience people have needed to hear this a few times over before they understand but it has helped in the past when I have had friends in similar positions.

 

When you think hes ready, you could then bring up some of the things Sophie-RO has suggested, and THEN maybe start suggesting social gatherings you could go to together (that you think he'd be comfortable attending)..

 

As you might know this stuff takes time so your friend will really appreciate your kindness and patience. Dont forget to check in with yourself too because sometimes being so lovely and caring can take a bit out of you!

 

I hope this gives you an idea or two on how to help out your friend, Let us know how you go.

 

Chelsb