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Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

hey i'm just here to send my support to you - it sounds like you're being really proactive in doing as much as you can to start feeling better and although i've never done drumming it sounds like an amazing outlet!
Smiley Happy

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

Hey @reach804! Thank you very much for your kind words! Smiley Happy

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

Peeps, I have another issue to bring up that's popped up recently and it's really been getting me down today.

 

I have a circle of friends outside of school made up of quite a few people who I met in primary school. They have regular get-togethers and I love going to each and every one of them. 

 

Recently, however, they have stopped inviting me, but they invite one of my best friends who I introduced them to..... It really puts me down and makes me think that they don't want to hang out with me anymore... 

 

The last few times they invited me, it was on very short notice and I usually couldn't make it because of work. Now they just don't invite me at all and I see them all having fun on Instagram and Snapchat without me.

 

While I try my best to stay optimistic about the situation and try not to think it's a problem with me...... it's starting to feel like that. 

 

I'm not sure whether I should leave it alone or confront one of them about it. 

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

i've also had a similar thing done to me after declining to go out a few times - and yes it doesn't feel very nice to see them out having fun without even asking you if you'd like to come too. In my experience - this kind of thing happens often and it usually happens once you decline a few times. I think their reasoning is something like 'well they've said no the last few times they're either too busy all the time or don't want to come' and so they no longer feel like it's necessary to invite you for whatever reason. In my experiences - it hasn't been personal with them not wanting me to be there it's just that they know i have my own stuff going on etc etc. Now im not saying this is exactly your friend group's reasoning or this is exactly what's going on - but i think there's a chance it could be similar. 

So maybe talking to them in a way such as 'Hey I know i've been busy with work the last few times we've had get-togethers, but i'd really like to come to the next one and catch up with you all' - because it lets them know that you still want to make an effort to come - squashing any kind of doubts they might have formed.

I hope this helps!

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

Hey @Phantom1105 it sucks that you've been feeling down and that this situation with your friends is going on Smiley Sad

I think if you were to talk to them about it, how you did so would be really important. For example, you might choose the person you trust the most, and use non-blaming, curious language. What do you reckon?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

That’s a great idea @reach804! Thank you lots Smiley Happy

 

im not entirely sure what their reasoning is, I think I’ve narrowed it down to three options: they forgot to invite me, I’ve said no so many times that they don’t want to invite me (as you said) or they think that I will be too anxious while I’m there, as I’ve displayed those qualities while I’m there, except that’s who I am.

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Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

Hey @letitgo, yeah I completely agree. A hostile, blaming approach could just further tarnish the relationship.. a curious approach would totally work. Thanks!


 

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

We can even help you write up what you want to say, if you think that'll help Smiley Happy

No pressure, just know that we're here to support you as much as we can.

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

Thanks @letitgo, I think I’ll just be straight up and ask why I haven’t been invited as of late. Would you think that’s right?

Re: Internal Struggles and Healing

@Phantom1105  I've been in that situation and it can be pretty hurtful. Smiley Sad Sometimes, there is an innocent reason that they have chosen not to invite me. For example, someone didn't invite me because they though I would be away on the day and another person had temporarily run out of invitations. So, I agree that it's important not to sound like you're judging or accusing them. You could use 'I' statements rather than 'you' statements and let them know that you're bummed you missed out on the get-togethers and you'd really like to come next time.