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Latent Homophobia

So, I'm gay, and I've been out at home for a few years now, and my family is all like "yeah, we accept you and love you just the way you are". I can believe that they love me, but not that they totally accept me. It's just little things, little comments, things they say . Like trying to decide who is the man and woman in a gay relationship, and I'm standing there like, "are you for serious?" I often feel like my friends at school understand way better than mum and dad (despite the fact they have two gay children) and my siblings.


Does anyone else get where I'm coming from, and more importantly, got any tips on how to ignore/combat/educate people like this??


- BlindEagle

Re: Latent Homophobia

Hey @BlindEagle I'm really happy to hear that you can be so sure of your family's love, I think that's such a great thing. I can totally get how frustrating thhose little side comments are though! I'm in a heterosexual relationship, but I know if my family were to make similar remarks about me and my partner I would feel a little bit like they didn't quite take me seriously.


Have you talked to your family about these comments and asked why they have been making them and why you don' find them appropriate? They may not intend it to be hurtful or homophobic, rather, it may be as you said - that they simply don't quite understand what they're saying. Sometimes I find that people make little off-handed remarks / jokes about things that they don't really fully comprehend and are quite sure how to approach. It could even be an attempt to 'lighten the mood' or open up some serious dialouge. This does not mean that these comments are acceptable or okay, but understanding the motive might help you understand how to respond and work the situation out.


Education is a really important tool and I think that it''s great you're looking for a way to do this. A lot of people are really misguided and misinformed about LGBTIQ relationships, even if they have had a lot of exposure to them.  I'm sure that some of the other community members will be able to direct you to some great sources though.


And on a somewhat side note, this quote immediately came to mind when I read your post, not sure if it'll help you but it always gives me a smile! 

"Asking who's the "man" and who's the "woman" in a gay relationship is like going to a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork."

Re: Latent Homophobia

@BlindEagle As @KitKat said, communication is the key here! Make sure your family is aware of how these comments are making you feel. As you said, they are your family and they love you, they will understand your concerns. Don't be afraid to talk to them about it, it really is the only way things will change.And you're probably right, they probably don't understand at all. You have to remember they are from a different era, where homosexuality (unfortunately) wasn't as openly accepted as it is today, so they probably haven't had much exposure to it growing up and might be confused with how to deal with it. Just talk it out with them and I'm sure they'll learn how to handle it Smiley Happy

Re: Latent Homophobia

Ahoy @FItzChivalry and @KitKat ,


You're both totally right. Thanks for the support. Next time, I think I'll tell them it is kinda insulting, and hopefully, they'll get it.


I absolutely loved the quote KitKat. Summed it up perfectly.


Thanks again,


- BlindEagle

Re: Latent Homophobia

Aw, @BlindEagle I'm glad to hear that! I have to admit it's one of my favourite quotes as well regarding issue, I feel like it sums it up so simply!


Best of luck in the future with this!

Re: Latent Homophobia

So glad to see a happy ending guys! Awesome work @BlindEagle and @KitKat 



Re: Latent Homophobia


i hope this all helped!

It might just take some time for the family to be educated on ohw to approach it all 

great quote @KitKat  


Re: Latent Homophobia

@BlindEagle - tonight on the we're having a special forum chat about homophobia, coming out and more with LGBTIQ support service Twenty10 as our guest (at 9pm Syd/Melb time). 


Inspired by your post, part of the focus will be on the latent homophobia you have described. I really hope you can make it! Check out the details here:click!



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