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Life after bullying

Hey guys, I had never really thought of doing something like this before but something lead me too.. When I was in highschool I was "bullied" for about 3 years. On the surface it seemed like I wasn't being but I really was. I was targeted by what seemed my whole year level and beyond near the end, there was one particular boy who really had it in for me and to this day I'm not 100 percent sure why. Admittedly I was putting on a facade and people saw through that.. It's a long story really but my question to you is how do you let these kind of experiences go?
I've noticed very subconsciously it effects my self belief, self worth and even still when I see anybody from highschool theres this sub conscious knee jerk reaction of fear (none of them have done anything in over 3 years). I've been focusing on taking responsibility for my part in the whole ordeal, just becoming someone I wasn't etc and then experiencing the backlash of that.. not justifying their actions but simply understanding the role I played in it all, they also have their own storylines.

It's not that I'm angry or perhaps I am and don't realise it, I'm mainly afraid. Afraid of moving forward, afraid of pursuing my dreams, afraid of putting myself out there, still afraid of them.. I'm doubtful and I can't help but feel a lot of that stems from this. What i want to pursue involves being in the public eye and something is holding me back, I don't want this fear to have this kind of power over me anymore.

I really just want to move forward and on with my life, I want to achieve all the things I want to achieve without having this weight in my heart and head following me wherever I go. It's not that I focus on it day in and day out I just think it's taken up a certain spot in my consciousness that I am now ready to let go of.. Any suggestions to move on are appreciated, I am ready. Thank you in advance for the help xx

Re: Life after bullying

Hi there @minakshi1 - reaching out for support is a brave step to take and I'm so glad you did Heart 

Your experience in high school sounds really awful - no one should be treated that way. 

It makes sense that it has impacted on how you feel about yourself - bullying can be a really painful and confusing thing to experience. We have some resources on bullying over here that might resonate with you, and validate some of what's happened for you. 

 

It's amazing to hear you so determined to move forward with your life, and to pursue your dreams - I can hear how resilient you are. It can be tough to keep going, especially with the feelings you describe - making sure you are getting the right supports is super important. 

Who do you have supporting you at the moment? 

Have you ever accessed counselling or psychology? It can be really helpful to talk through your experiences with someone, and get some practical strategies for how to keep moving forward. 

 

Let us know what you think , and how you're doing! Heart

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Re: Life after bullying

Getting to a place where you can acknowledge and accept the role played by both sides as you have, isn't easy. The fact you can do so is something you should be proud of @minakshi1. It can take years to accomplish and some things are just unforgivable even if you can move on and that's nothing to be ashamed of. 

 

I smile and say hello if I happen to see the people who bullied me. It doesn't happen often but by being pleasant, it shows that you can be the better person. What they did was petty but reflects more on their character than it does yours and unfortunately, they are unlikely to change once they've left school. Moving on can be difficult but try to remember that regardless of how unpleasant it was, they can't hurt you. The events are in the past and you've made the choice to move on. How you do that is up to you but it will take time and patience. There will be good days and bad but it may only take one person to consistently show you that you are worthy of respect and care to enable you to change the ingrained beliefs created by the bullies. Take one day at a time and trust you'll get there. One day you will. 

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Re: Life after bullying

Hey @minakshi1, i'm sorry to hear you had to deal with such awful and hurtful behaviour for such a long time Smiley Sad

Being bullied deals such a huge blow to your self-esteem, it can really make you doubt yourself Smiley Sad I understand that after what you experienced in high school being in the public eye and under scrutiny could make you feel vulnerable to the same kind of behaviour, and i think you're so brave for deciding you don't want those doubts anymore.
I just wanted to echo what @gina-RO and @Shadow said, being bullied isn't something you deserve and says so much more about the people who bullied you than it does about you!
I know what i found helpful was identifying something i liked about myself/ a strength i have, and using it as a kind of self anchor. So if someone tries to put me down and make me feel like crap or i find myself remembering a situation where someone did so, especially if i start to blame myself and self doubt, then i have something to counter it, like a shield. It's a little cheesy, but it works! Would something like that be helpful for you? I know it's different for everyone Smiley Happy has anything you've tried in the past been helpful? Heart 




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