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Long distance friend having trouble...how do I help?

Hi there!

 

Right, so I have a friend in America whom I have been in contact with for almost 2 years now. We facetime regularly and snapchat each other all the time, she's also friends with my IRL friends too (about 10 of us). 

 

Recently though she's been having a bit of trouble. She had a boyfriend for around 6 months and towards the end he wasn't really trying for her anymore and the relationship was making her miserable so she ended it (after much discussion with us), and whilst that misery ended she found her depression worsening and discovered that she can't love herself or be happy without a boyfriend who loves her. She's said that it's "silly" to have to rely on another person to love herself but she just can't do it without someone there romantically. She even tells me that she doesn't care if it would only be for a month and she doesn't care who it is she just wants someone to love her romantically. She also doesn't have many, if any, genuine friends apart from us, but it's hard considering we live on the opposite side of the planet. I always tell her that we love her and that we're there for her for anything and we always include her in our conversations and tell her that she is loved and she's worth it and whilst she loves us and trusts us her depression doesn't seem to let her believe that she's not, as she says, a sh**ty person. She believes that she screws up her friendships and says that if she was "worth it" then she wouldn't drive people away. Again, we tell her that this isn't true but she can't seem to get out of this mentality. She had a really good therapist for a while too and loved her as if she were another mum but recently her therapist unfortunately got diagnosed with breast cancer which she is being treated for, and whilst they say that she appears that she's going to be fine, my friend is not doing well without her as she was one of the most trusted people she had in her life. She has a good family from what she speaks of them and talks to them through some of the things she's feeling but it just doesn't seem to help her.

 

Long story short, my long distance friend can't find happiness without having a boyfriend and only has us to confide in but it's just not the same considering we can't physically be there for her. We want to help but have no idea how, she's just so down every single day and it's devastating to see.

 

Thank you to anyone who read through this, any advice would be really appreciated Smiley Happy

Re: Long distance friend having trouble...how do I help?

Hi @sweetsonmymind! Wow this is an excellent display of some loving, supportive friendship! You have really shown how much you love and care for your friend, even though she's so far away! 

It sounds like your friend is going through a really hard time. It's actually quite normal for your mental health to suffer after a break up, and unfortunately break ups tend to feed the typical depressive thoughts of being unloved. You said she isn't currently accessing any help services, is that correct? Have you spoken to her about trying to find another therapist or going to the doctor? Do you think this might help her? 

It's great to hear that she has some family support and people she can talk to. Even though you're not sitting right beside her, I know that your support would be very important to her! Heart

Re: Long distance friend having trouble...how do I help?

I suppose I could bring up the possibility of her finding another therapist, I'm not sure whether she'd be on board but I can certainly try - thank you so so so much for your response, I really appreciate everything you've said Smiley Happy
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Re: Long distance friend having trouble...how do I help?

Hi, I’m new at this reach out app and you’re going through something similar to what I’m going through expect My father just got diagnosed with a mental illness this year and I know it must be hard for you.