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Lonliness

I've just been feeling extremely isolated and alone for awhile now. There's really no one in my life I feel I can talk to, I'm in my first-year of uni and I've done the whole thing online. My highschool friends who were always tenuous to begin with have only drifted further away and I haven't made any new friends since then. At the moment theres always friction between me and my sister and mum (my dad's out of the picture). I've had a few massive fights with them and the smallest thing ignites animosity. Besides I don't think they'd want to talk anyway, the other day my mum told me that I'd had a much a better life than her and my sister, saying I would struggle to cope with real world problems. While I'm not even entirely sure what she means, the last thing I want to do is reach out to her or my sister. 

 

and that leaves no-one. I'm just so so tired of being on my own, having to fight for myself since I was little. I would give anything for someone in my life who was a steadfast pillar, someone who would offer reassurance and comfort and who would fight for me on my behalf  simply because. I constantly feel the urge to withdraw, part of me wants to be mute, but I always fight that and try to engage even though it feels as if I just fail over and over again and that no-one even knows I'm trying. I don't really know how to cope with the constant loneliness, and though I try making friends with people in my online uni classes, it doesn’t really work.  I would like to join a club, sports or otherwise, but thats just really not an option with stage 4 lockdown here in Melbourne. Online is not great other, I would really love to see another person in real life. I'm just so sick of being by myself, trapped with my own thoughts. 

 

Apologies for the rant but any tips on how to deal with the loneliness? 

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Re: Lonliness

Hi, @Snowy_Triangle 

It must be really tough right now and what you're feeling is extremely valid, especially being in Melbourne during COVID. 

Coming onto this forum is a good idea, this forum is a safe, encouraging place where we try for no one to feel alone. You will honestly make friends here (although it is not the real world). 

My suggestion would be to make use of exercise hours during the day - even a ten minute walk without the people in your household can make a huge difference. It is just time away, this sound contracting as you tare feeling lonely, however if the people in your household are not getting along.

 

 

As for making friends and not having many connections, It can be really difficult especially for the who have left school but have not been able to connect with other people. Fortunately, this day and age has many opportunities online. I am interested to know what type of things you are interested in? Cooking, reading, dancing ect. That way I may be able to help find some options for virtual connection in Melbourne.

 

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Re: Lonliness

Hey @Snowy_Triangle 

I really feel you with the loneliness Smiley Sad I'm a first-year uni student and was really looking forward to making new friends and everything but have had to do everything online! 

We at ReachOut are always here to talk and support you; you can always reach out here and talk whenever you feel lonely. Heart

Isolation in Melbourne has been really difficult and I'm so sorry that it has really impacted you, especially with your family. I found that when I'm getting agitated with my family that I just take a step back and spend some time doing self-care. Is this something you could do? 

I also find getting myself busy like doing some crafty stuff often helps me to feel a little less lonely because i'm giving all my attention to the project. Do you have any pets? My cats also help me to feel better.

 

I saw that you said you wanted to join a club but is difficult during stage 4 (which I 100% understand) but do you know if any of the clubs run online? I was the same and thought that joining clubs would definitely help to make friends but doing it all online made it really difficult to do that. But I found that some clubs were running online so I joined one and have found that it helped me to feel a lot better because I was able to make connections and talk to people other than my family. Maybe this is something you could do? 

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Re: Lonliness

Aw @Snowy_Triangle reading through this, I really can relate to a lot of what you're saying here. It's so hard feeling lonely and with the added complexities of a stage four lock down, it can all feel like too much. I'm also not huge on virtual socialising etc.. so I get you. 

 

Do you mind if I ask what kinda things you have been doing over the past few months to get through this hard time? What has helped me is cooking, online shopping (when I can afford to...afterpay is my savior at the moment) and thinking about plans for the future. But we are all different and I'd be interested to hear what has kept you going. 

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Re: Lonliness

Hey, @Snowy_Triangle 

It's completely normal to feel an increased sense of loneliness during this time, especially for you guys in Melbourne! I commend you for staying strong and you will get through this!! 

In the meantime to keep yourself busy and to take your mind off things, is there any at-home activities or crafty hobbies that you like or might want to try? Maybe online painting tutorials, arts & crafts, designing/ altering clothing, gaming, exploring some new book series/TV series... etc.. You might be able to find some online free courses as well, especially as a Uni student.

 

It would be hard right now because human interaction is different from doing things by yourself and we are social creatures but keeping yourself busy might help pass the lockdown time quicker. There might be some online chats/clubs you can access through your Uni, I'm pretty sure my Uni has posted some things like that! Smiley Happy 

 

I'm hoping you guys in Melbourne come out of lockdown soon, sending love from Sydney!!

 

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Re: Lonliness

Hey, I totally get how you feel. Nobody tells you how tough uni life is and i found my mental health deteriorating because of it. I think a couple of ways that you can connect with your uni peers is by following the clubs on their facebook pages (if that's a thing) because at least at my uni, these clubs are till pretty active and there are events going on and you can log online and chat with them (that could be one way).

 

I agree with the point above that taking a 10 min walk is absolutely great. When I feel depressed or suffocated, I like to get a fresh breeze and observe nature and just for one moment, it's not about me, it's about appreciating the beauty around us and for some reason that makes me more calm.

 

Another thing you mentioned is wanting to see someone in person. Totally get that. I literally saw someone break down in the streets and I think she was feeling the same. There are some counsellors or psychologists who still allow face to face in person and I would highly recommend seeing a professional because this is what I did. I'm not saying anything is wrong with you but I see psychologists as the mature people in life that I need. It sounds like your family life is a bit toxic and unsupportive, the exact opposite that is a counsellor or psychologist who is there as your number 1 supporter and will listen to you and show you some things you never realised and most importantly, they offer great advice tailored to your situation!!

 

Also some little things that i do that help me feel less stressed and in my own head is exercise - it physically exhausts you, whilst making you feel positive by the end due to endorphins. Also, mindfulness like meditation or yoga for just 10 mins does wonders to my brain. Research actually shows that it physically changes your brain over a long time (but unsure how well supported this is). Just know everyone on this forum is with you and most of us have been where you are, including myself x

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Re: Lonliness

Hi Snowy_Triangle

What you're describing sounds really rough. Loneliness is a brutal feeling, and I understand feeling it for a prolonged period would be very difficult.

I think your ideas about joining a club sound really good - I think when we are feeling lonely, those kinds of warm social environments are really good. It's so difficult that these are not available right now with the lockdown - though they could be something on the horizon!

When I feel lonely, I find practising self-love and acceptance really helps remind me I have myself. For me, I like to engage in a calming exercise called 'havening'. Essentially, it's gently stroking from your shoulders down your arms. It creates a soothing, warm effect. I like to tell myself everything is going be OK while I do this. Lighting some candles, having a bath, listening to some chill music also helps me when I feel this way.

Does any of this sound like it would work for you? What self-care activities do you think you might enjoy?
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Re: Lonliness

Hey @Snowy_Triangle

Just like you I am also struggling to deal with the loneliness that Stage 4 restrictions have enforced. It's definitely not easy! However, I recently joined the headspace Youth Advisory Group in my area and have since felt a lot better. Although our weekly catch-ups at the moment are over Zoom its nice having people who care enough to ask how I'm doing. It's really helped to put me in a better mind set and feel less lonely. There are many headspace centres located around Melbourne so I'm positive you'll find one close to you if you're interested!

 

I hope this helps you in some way or another!