cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Looking for a place to feel safe

Hey everyone, 

 

So I recently had a chat with my psychologist, who helped me explain that in order to make close friends you need to give people a lot of time (months, years) in order for them to open up to you. I currently do not have close friends, and I choose to accept that it'll take a while to make friends, but in the meantime I have needs that im not sure how to meet. I have a need to be myself, feel accepted, and most importantly to give and receive physical affection. Im not sure how to do that without close friends, and Im worried that if I ask for help from people I don't trust then I'll only hurt myself further. I currently volunteer at a food place, hang out with my family, and do stand up comedy once a week. All those are nice activities but I dont feel 100% safe to be myself. 

Highlighted

Re: Looking for a place to feel safe

Hey @hobojohnson, thank you so much for sharing that. It is really great to hear your reflection of all of this. It seems like you are feeling a little lonely.. is that right? Either way, what you are going through sounds really tough.

 

You mentioned wanting to be yourself, feel accepted and to give and receive physical affection. Have you thought of giving these things to yourself? Often we look for others to meet our needs but it is something we can sometimes do ourselves. Particularly while we are still working on building up those close relationships. I am not trying to equate the two - it is only human to seek connection and support from others.. but sometimes other people are not around or do not meet our needs adequately. In those times, it can help to develop reliance on ourselves for some needs. Honestly, it is something we have all struggled with to different degrees.

If you feel comfortable, we could brainstorm some ideas about how to meet needs if you like. You could also chat to your psychologist about trusting people and letting them in. It might help you to feel safe with the people and places you are already apart of. Is this something you have talked to them about before? Smiley Happy

Highlighted

Re: Looking for a place to feel safe

Hi! I came across your post and I just wanted to say it seems like you are really taking the time to look inward, think about what you need, accept it and go looking for it, and I think that is really amazing of you. plus, it's great how you're doing some activities where friendships could end up developing. In the meantime I like what Taylor-RO said about trying to give friendship to yourself, even though of course it's not quite the same thing. If you like animals, cuddling with a pet is a nice kind of affection too; I don't have a pet but I love going to cat cafes Smiley Happy and, if you can connect a little with people here on the forums, that might help you feel less lonely too. Wishing you good luck with everything!!
Highlighted

Re: Looking for a place to feel safe

Hey @hobojohnson it’s been a little while since you’ve posted, just wanting to check in to see how you’re going? Heart

Highlighted

Re: Looking for a place to feel safe

I'm doing fine, I recently started creating a small thing every day, aka a
meme or sketch video, and it's been fulfilling
Highlighted

Re: Looking for a place to feel safe

@hobojohnsonI have had a similar experience to you, I had no friends and so I had to find what I needed within myself. What worked for me was giving myself within myself a safe space to feel all of my emotions and provide support to I did this by talking it out with myself. Another thing was reminding myself that I will find friends a support system. Anyways it's great that you have found a hobby and maybe its something that you can help to enjoy your own company? I'm proud of you for reaching out and finding support.

Highlighted

Re: Looking for a place to feel safe

Thank you for sharing, I certainly have felt less alone in the last few
days!
Highlighted

Re: Looking for a place to feel safe

That sounds great, is there something you/that changed in the last few days?