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Love

"We accept the love we think we deserve" - The perks of a wallflower.

 

What do you think of this line?

Do you think that as humans we fall in to love based on our previous experiences?

Do we sometimes accept a love less than we deserve?

 

Would love to hear peoples thoughts on this... one little line has gone global and it has made me think as humans do we accept similiar types of love, do we self fulfill or anticipate similiar love throughout our lives. All because of what we have already been through...

 

 

Re: Love

I haven't seen the film/read the book but this line is an interesting one to me.

 

I think I have settled for a "lesser love" in the past, one with compromises I felt I had to make, because I felt it was the best I could do. "At least I'm in love", right? I eventually ended that relationship, resigning myself to the idea that a meaningful long-term relationship was out of my reach, something that wasn't for me. And then I met her and everything changed. A love without compromises.

 

So, in answer to your questions, yes, I think our past experiences often dictate what love means to us, preparing us to settle for something less than we may truly deserve. When you find a love that feels like it transcends all of that, however, you quickly learn that love isn't something you end up having to just accept. Instead it's more like love accepts you.

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Re: Love

Wow, what a loaded topic, haha... 

 

I think that past experiences do have an effect on how we love and the love that we accept from others. For instance, a person who's been hurt a lot from past loves would be less inclined to open up to love again, or at least, in such an intense way. I also agree with the sentiment, "We accept the love we think we deserve", I've come across a whole lot of people who just couldn't accept to be loved because they didn't think they deserved it. That also applies to the love we give ourselves, which I think is the most important. 

Re: Love

I think this line is actually very true in most cases, if not all. I've never really fallen in love with anyone before, characters sure, things definitely but not really people, excluding family. But the line, when I heard it in the movie it just made sense. I've seen some messed up relationships in my family and in my friends. And in shows. But I don't really understand why people feel the need to be loved, whether or not it's because people feel the need to have someone say, "I love you" or to just feel accepted by someone more than just a friend. People will fall in love and then back out because of some silly complication or when they realise that the person wasn't for them. In those cases, I believe that people do accept the love they think they deserve just so they can be in a relationship. Some people probably do fall in love based on their previous experiences. Some people might of had very good relationships that just fail so they want to recreate the experience with someone else. And yes, some people do accept a love less than they deserve, people can be looking through a dirty glass door sometimes when it comes to relationships. They can see the person through the glass but miss the details, the important ones that will tell you if you really love that person or not. I've never understood why relationships are so messy. My aunt once said to me that she married my uncle because at the time, she thought he was the one but as she grew older didn't like him anymore, after having two kids, and separated. All because she thought she loved him when she was younger. She's only in her late thirties. Although personally I've never been in any relationships, ever. 

 

This is a pretty good topic btw. One that can have many different points of views. 

Re: Love

@nightwing - I think people feel the need to be loved because it's gives them a sense of security, belonging, or purpose, or to prevent loneliness... all of which I think are sort of basic human nature. For me personally, I'll always feel incomplete without someone TO love, because that's just a part of who I am, and it gives me direction and purpose to my life.

I know what you mean by people falling in and out of love because of silly complications... but when I see stuff like that happen, I always end up wondering, well we're they really in love in the first place? Not that I've ever been in love with someone, but I hope that when I do it'll be completely unconditional, because that's what I believe love is.

Re: Love

I have really enjoyed some of these replies. It is so interesting seeing different points of view on this one sentence.

 

I really enjoyed the concept of "looking through a dirty glass door". i think too often some people settle for less than what they deserve. Some fail to see this purely from their mindset. Sometimes our experiences condition us to feel in such a way, and if we don't search for different, ironically we search for the same. Sometimes to fullfill our own thoughts about what we deserve...or we do it without realising.

 

Interestingly, keeping with the door concept - i definitely believe people shut the door on love. Traumatic, hurtful and negative experiences associated with love make people want to not accept such a concept or experience again. Their acceptance on deserving love, is not that they do not deserve it maybe. but rather, they do not want to accept it again- considering all the goods and unfortunate risks that come with it.

 

I also agree that people accept someone else for a sense of fullfillment, reliance or support. As they feel empty, incomplete or insecure without a significant other. I often see this in some of my friends. They bounce in and out of relationships - sure thats great for them because they are getting out there and experiencing love. BUT because I am the opposite I cant help but wonder if they have have taken the time out to really love themselves. To know who they are, what they want and they might even realise that it is okay not to accept love based on when it presents itself.... EVERYTIME. 

 

thanks for sharing your views on this so far.

LL Smiley Happy

 

 

Re: Love


@LeaLea07 wrote:

"We accept the love we think we deserve" - The perks of a wallflower.

 

What do you think of this line?

Do you think that as humans we fall in to love based on our previous experiences?

Do we sometimes accept a love less than we deserve?


I never thought we have to accept love. Thought we just it when it is offered especially when it it so rare. 

I never knew what unconditional love is. I've heard of descriptions like 'the heart flutters' 'my world brightens when I see him/her' etc. But these only come from trashy love novels. 

 

I reckon it helps to love someone if you have been loved or are loved. The source of love could be from parents, family, friends and boy/girl friend. If one hardly experience love in their life, it is hard to dedicate it to someone else. It is like that saying 'you can't care for someone else when you don't care for yourself' So yes, past experience and current life experience would affect the love we experience. Everything on Earth deserves to be loved.

Re: Love

Why do people have to get emotional here! ;P

LOL ;D