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Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

Today I stuffed up with one of my friends. Long story short, we were talking over messenger and I said something which seemed fine to me at the time, but looking back was actually quite rude. I tend to beat myself up about things like this, but I was thinking about it and thought why not make a thread about this, firstly to keep myself accountable for implementing positive strategies and also to help others who may be in a similar situation.

 

I am currently doing some self care (by having a cup of tea) and reminding myself that it is in the past now, and I'm sure that my friend would understand and forgive me. I think it's really important to stay mindful and not dwell on the past, although that's really hard to do in practice.

 

I'm interested to know what strategies other people use after making a mistake, in order to help stay mindful and forgive yourself? Heart

Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

I totally get where you're coming form @mrmusic! I've done that more than once and I always feel bad about it afterwards Smiley Sad When it happened to me, I over analysed the situation over and over in my head and it just made me feel really bad about myself, for example, one of my closest friends is quite religious (Really cool!) and because I'm not, I'll swear occasionally if I e.g stub my toe or trip (this happens a lot because I'm clumsy IT HURTS!) and I'll say "Oh my god" "Goddammit" things like that and I know it offends her a bit so i have to 'adapt' to my surroundings and try and be more aware about the needs, personalities of others. That was a bit of a rant! Occasionally, that'll still slip my tongue when I'm around her and I apologies quickly - luckily she's lovely and it doesn't bother her that much, I think the recognition that I'e done something wrong is enough to make me feel better and improve myself next time. Sadly, I think this'll always happen me!
Sorry if this was no help! Smiley Sad

Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

@annabethxchase  Just getting out of that autopilot and actually being mindful about what you're doing and the impact it might have on others is a really important point! I'm grateful for your input, and glad that we're having this discussion. Smiley Happy

Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

Thank you! I feel like this topic actually affects a lot of people and it is a really important discussion! Smiley Happy

Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

Interesting topic @mrmusic! Forgiving myself for making mistakes is something I always struggle with. After all, they say that the hardest person to forgive is yourself! I think acknowledging that you've made a mistake is great because it shows that you care about the other person who is affected by it. However, in saying that, acknowledging it too much (to the point where you're overthinking and beginning to self-doubt) is, of course, not so great. What I find helpful for me (in addition to self-care) is to remind myself that each mistake is a learning experience. For me, mistakes are the best teachers to learn from.

Keen to hear other people's thoughts and perspectives on this Smiley Happy.
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Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

This thread is such a good idea @mrmusic! Smiley Happy
It's really difficult to move on in situations like these, sometimes i think we can beat ourselves up long after the other person has forgiven us or forgotten about it. It can be so hard to stop dwelling! Smiley Sad
When things like this happen (more often than i'd like) i try to:
- remember that if i've apologised there's nothing more i can do except learn from the situation

- take a step back and consider how i'd feel if the situation was reversed, which can be helpful in gaining some perspective, because a lot of the time i'd be way less upset/angry with other people than i'm afraid they will be with me. It's not uncommon for me to apologise for something the other person didn't even notice or remember haha

- remind myself that i'm only human! and that part of being human is to make mistakes, a LOT of mistakes. Making mistakes doesn't make you a bad person!

 

sometimes i need to rinse and repeat, but i'm getting better at it Smiley Happy




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Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

When I make a do something wrong I make a point of taking time to self reflect on it. I put alot of effort into inwards reflection and make sure I put effort into 

a) understanding why I did what I did

b) understanding why my course of action was wrong.

I got really upset the other day because someone on the sydney train wasn't moving their bag to let someone sit down. I kept looking at them with a bad look and eventually we had a passive agressive argument about it.

 

I don't like how I behaved and I know the answers to each as being

a) because I am upset and angry in my life because of work and things going wrong in my relationship

b) raising your voice at somebody and not staying calm is the wrong way to behave.

 

It is not easy and takes alot of maturity to reflect on these things. But I think with time it gets easier. I am a big fan of self improvement and I see this as a good way of becoming a better man.

 

Thanks for your question and I hope my 2cents helps you find what you're looking for

Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

Hi @mrmusic,

 

This is such a helpful thread, and one I can see so many people here have experience with (myself included!) 

 

Making mistakes is a hard feeling, and I feel it in my heart and in my stomach the minute I know I've made a mistake. I often find that some self reflection, apologising and/or taking action to either rectify the situation or prevent it from happening again really helps me. Owning my mistake helps me too and writing it down. But sometimes the feelings about the mistake lingers, and this is when I know that speaking to someone else to get their perspective and a lot of self care! 

 

I have to keep reminding myself that I am only human, and mistakes happen- it's okay to not get things right sometimes because that is how we learn Heart

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Re: Making Mistakes - Forgiving yourself and moving on

@mrmusic That is such a great topic Smiley Happy

 

When I do something wrong, I tend to take some time to realise my mistake because initially I tend to get defensive and my ego kicks in, telling me that it is not my fault, its the other person's fault. However, at the end of the day I do have a habit of writing journals and when I reflect on my day I realise where I potentially went wrong or the things that I should have refrained from saying. Another way I approach this is by imagining myself in the other person's situation and thinking about how I would feel if someone was to act in the way I did. That is the time when I genuinely feel bad and apologise to the person. However, I never get too harsh on myself and tend to just grow out of that situation by learning a lesson and becoming a better person Smiley Happy

 

PS: The most important lesson that I learned was to never think that apologising is a sign of weakness and if you know you have done something wrong just own up to it and say 'sorry'. This will only make you a bigger and a better person Smiley Happy