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Marijuana Addiction

Hi, I don't really know how to start this, or what to say. But, I know that I am addicted to pot... and it's affecting my life but I can't seem to stop. 

 

A few years ago I suffered from severe depression and anxiety that was actually triggered by my smoking weed every single day. I was already in a bad place - but this just showed it to me as I began having panic attacks when high, and yet even back then I kept smoking and it kept making it worse. In the end it just made me numb. I felt nothing - I didn't love anything. Not my fiance, my dog... my own mother. I didn't feel like me - even my own memories felt like they belonged to someone else. I stopped smoking for about 2 years. I got through it - and I felt so strong for curbing my addiction, finding myself again and feeling emotion again. The support of my fiance was so important through this - though I nearly ruined our whole relationship, he stood by me.

 

But a year ago I started smoking again. At first it was fine, just occasionally and it was just fun (with my husband - we since got married). I'm in a good place mentally now days, though the old memories of what happened back then still caused some paranoia - but I ignored it, got past it. Now I am smoking nearly every day again if I can manage it - and the worst part is I am lying to my husband about it. He doesn't know - as far as he knows I'm doing so well, I only smoke occasionally with him when we are on a holiday or something. But I am an author and I work from home - alone. I do it during the day. I can't stop myself. Even though I don't want to - I kid myself that it gives me creative ideas for my writing. But really it makes me lazy, which in turn makes me hate myself. And yet I still CAN'T STOP. We ran out of weed. But I am so addicted I found old roaches with bits of half burnt pot still lying about in the bag that we keep it and I've been scrounging it together just to get another hit. I keep thinking about when we will get more - even though a part of me really wants to tell my husband we can't get more because I can't control myself. But, I am so ashamed I don't want to tell him. I feel weak and pathetic and undeserving of my husband.

 

I don't know what to do. I just hope someone has some advice. 

 

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Re: Marijuana Addiction

Hi there @Ada, welcome to the RO forum Smiley Happy 
It takes a lot of courage to ask for help - so you should be proud of taking the first step by writing this post Heart

 

You sound like you have a lot of really positive things happening in your life - including your work, and your partner, but I can hear that your use of marijuana is negatively impacting on your life. You have a lot of insight and understanding to what is going on - which is amazing! 

 

It really sounds like you need to reach out and get some support. 

I can hear that you're not wanting to talk to your partner about it, that's ok. But in the long run, it might be better for you and your relationship, if you can be honest with him, and ask him to support your recovery journey.

 

 

We have some information over here on addiction, and on where to go for support - hopefully it's helpful for you. 

There is a lot of support out there to help people overcome all sorts of addictions, and a good counsellor or psychologist should be able to get you started. Have you explored counselling options before? 

I really hope you're able to link in with some supports - please let us know how you're going and what your next step is.

 

Heart 

 

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I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here

Re: Marijuana Addiction

Hi there @Ada it sounds as though you've been through a lot!

You mentioned that you were able to stop for a while and you felt strong because of that. I wanted to say how awesome that is Smiley Happy

 

It sounds like there's quite a few things imaging you right now - drug use, secrecy about the drug use from your husband, emotional and mental health... I know they are probably all intertwined together - and thats okay, but I wonder what the biggest thing for you is?

 

I also wanted to ask if you've ever spoke to anyone about any of this?


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: Marijuana Addiction

Marijuana use can lead to the development of problem use, known as a marijuana use disorder, which takes the form of addiction in severe cases. Recent data suggest that 30% of those who use marijuana may have some degree of marijuana use disorder.

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Re: Marijuana Addiction

hi @Ada thank you so much for sharing this I understand it would've been really hard to admit this all to yourself and to others but you should be really proud of yourself and like @Bee said, in the past you were able to put in strategies to manage your addiction and stop smoking so know that if you did it once you can do it again! Have you thought about the types of things that helped you last time, any particular strategies/support systems/people in your life/environments that helped you stop last time? You sound like you are quite self-aware with what is happening/how you are feeling/the situation and something I find really helps me is talking to people who I know won't judge me and who I trust completely. I know you said you're nervous to talk to your husband but if he was a really key supportive figure last time he would understand your circumstances this time and would be able to support you by not smoking too, especially as in the past he has shown he is very loyal to you, so it might help to talk to him or someone else if you feel comfortable, someone who can help you out with new strategies to help you manage your addiction this time. And I just want to reiterate you battled through this before and you can do it again you are strong enough Heart

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Re: Marijuana Addiction

Hi @Ada it's been a little while and just thought I'd check in and see how you are going this week? Smiley Happy

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Re: Marijuana Addiction

A year ago, I also had a strong addiction to marijuana. I smoked so much that I had blackouts, the feeling of reality disappeared and it seemed to me that the life I was living was not real. I decided that I needed to change something and somehow get rid of this dependence. The first time was very difficult, I still smoked a lot and could not control myself at all. I realized that I could not completely give up marijuana, so I decided to gradually reduce my dose.

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Re: Marijuana Addiction

Hi @JoanNash, thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like it was really challenging for you to stop smoking marijuana. Often the hardest part is realising that you have an addiction and/or that change is in order. There are many ways that it can be done, so sometimes it helps to chat to a professional about which option is best for you. We are all glad to hear that you had some success! Great job Heart
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Re: Marijuana Addiction

Hi, you know, you have already taken a step towards getting rid of your addiction. You realized that you have an addiction. Now you need to start fighting. Start by visiting a therapist and several support groups. It will be a long and difficult war with yourself. Good luck!

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Re: Marijuana Addiction

Hi @Ada 

 

Just wanted to check in since it's been a while. I hope you're doing okay! 

I want to say that I am really proud of you for acknowledging it and posting to ask for help on the forums. That's the first step to getting help! I know it must be quite hard since you love your fiance and you don't want to disappoint, but people who love you would want you to be healthy first and foremost. 

 

What are some positive ways you think your fiance could react if you told him?