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My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

My best friend got a new girlfriend yesterday, and I'm starting to stress

 

Im worried about being left behind, and that she will spend her time and energy with her girlfriend and forget about me

 

I know she wont and she was offended when i said i was worried about it , but I've recently lost my mum and dad, and its hard for me to accept that shes moving on with her life

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Re: My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

Hey @Brian6787 these worries about being left behind are totally valid! It's really insightful of you to be recognizing the impact the loss of your parents is having on you, if want to get some support or some resources around grief let us know.

It completely makes sense that you would be feeling this way, when our friends get into new relationships it totally can make us feel left out and forgotten. Good on you for bringing up these concerns with her, I feel like the fact she was offended could mean she really wants to make an effort to ensure you aren't left behind, do you think this could be the case?

Another thing I'm wondering is if you've met the new girlfriend and if you two get along? Sometimes when people in my life have gotten into relationships I've had similar concerns to you, but then when I meet the new partner I'm like wow this person is actually great and now I have an instant new friend to hang with Smiley Very Happy Doesn't happen everytime, but is really nice when it does.

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Re: My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

Hi @Brian6787!

 

I've been on both sides of the situation with friends getting into relationships. I understand it can be really scary and anxious seeing someone you were so close to, get close with other people and the fear of being left behind sets in. All I can say is that if they are really your best friend, they are not going away. They may distance themselves here and there but they will come back to you. Usually what happens is when people get into a new relationship they spend A LOT of time together for a little while during that period as they get to know each other etc, and that's something you have to just try your best to respect and remind yourself. If they are real to you, then they will come back. You can always check in with them here and there and try to remain in touch, and maybe even use this time to reach out to other people and other friends, or alternatively focus on working on yourself by exercising, finding a hobby, studying, starting a new show and just doing something you love for yourself. I understand it's scary and hard sometimes but you have got this Smiley Happy

and remember, you have people here that are always ready to listen to you. I understand you've been through a hard time and you are doing your best to get by so please update us with how you are and what you've been up to! Smiley Happy

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Re: My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

@Brian6787 hey there, we appreciate you posting! We know it can be hard when you are facing a frustrating situation.

 

Know that it's ok to feel what you feel, and that it's valid. It's good that you were honest with her, I'm sure that it might of been awkward at first, it will be better in the long run, as you will know where each other's heads at. If you need reassurance, maybe be upfront with her. In conjunction, try reaching out with your own support network, so you feel supported, loved and not fully reliant on her. The online space can be a great space to build such a network. Do you have a trusted adult or another mate that you could bond with? They could provide you with a positive emotional outlet and provide companionship and positive distraction. 

Hope that makes sense Smiley Happy

 

 

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Re: My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

I agree with you!
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Re: My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

Hey @Brian6787 

Hope you are doing well Smiley Happy

It's always hard adjusting when a very close friend finds a partner. 

I think your friend should also ensure they spend some time with you and set that aside too. At the same time, like the others suggested, you could probably try to look after yourself more and find something else to enjoy. 

I'm sure your friend really cares about you and wouldn't want you to feel alone. I'm glad you brought it up with her and although she seemed offended, I feel like it could be because she felt bad about it. 

 

Let us know what happens Smiley Happy

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Re: My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

Hi @Brian6787

How are you? How are things going?

Just wanting to check in to see how are you going. 

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Re: My Friend is in a relationship and I feel threatened

@Brian6787  Hi there, just wanted to check in on you as well- are things since you last posted? Feel free to update us if you like, though is no pressure at all. You can just read the responses here too. 

All the best!