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My friend's boyfriend

Hey RO

So one of my closest friends (I've been kinda realising how badly she treats her friends and family so I'm kinda trying to draw away) is currently going out with a guy and they have been together for a few months now.

Their relationship seems really unhealthy. She has cheated on him multiple times and confessed to him but he doesn't care at all, not in a "I forgive you" way but in a "I don't care what you do" way. She has said he is really apathetic and I have to agree with her. He cares little about anything and I think he has little regard for her. When I see them together, she is all over him with hugs and kisses and he either reacts annoyed or in a non-caring way.

I have done some study on mental conditions and I actually believe he might be an actual sociopath. Here's why:
He has little regard for others (The way he talks about her as if she means nothing and his morals are questionable)
Sex means little to him (He has bragged in detail their sexual habits and to me, that's the sign of someone who sex doesn't mean much to)
He can be quite violent (He talks about kids he has assaulted, claiming them to have "annoyed him" and we have heard stories of him bullying other kids who are really nice or sensitive, not a threat)
Manipulative (He brags about his ability to play people, he said his way of finding friends at schools is pretending to be friendly and innocent, targeting a group and latching himself. He then reveals his true self and by that time he's already in the social circle. He is also very good at sucking up to teachers and will do anything to get what he wants)
To top that he has been expelled from multiple schools and uses a lot of drugs, which they both do together

I don't know whether I should tell my friend about my observations because she does feel happy with him but I don't want her to get hurt. Other friends have noticed these things about him but I was the one who put it together as a theory of sociopathy, however let's just say she...isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and I don't she realises what he has done at all. I also have a pretty strong sense of justice and I don't like people who get away with things.
Should I tell her, RO?

Re: My friend's boyfriend

Hey @drhalloween 

 

It seems that your friend is in a sticky situation with this guy. It's great that you are being supportive and looking out for her. Searching up symptoms of this guy's attitude does seem that you're getting a bit too far on why he behaves the way he does. There could be other reasons which could be that he's dealing with his own issues or what behaviour you see he displays may not be the same behaviour he displays to your friend. To you, he may seem like a sociopath but there could be a lot more to the story. 

 

I know how it is to feel annoyed and also protective of a friend, of whom I feel are making some bad choices in their relationships. I think you should tell your friend how you feel about how her boyfriend treats her but be prepared for the answers that she may give you. It's really up to your friend on how she handles her relationship because I believe that with this matter being so personal, it can escalate quickly if you dish out your thoughts with force. But no matter what happens, being there for her is what's important. 

 

Good luck. 

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Re: My friend's boyfriend

look drhalloween

 

you have to look after your friend if you think there actually is danger you should speak up

sure she will be really annoyed with you and probably not talk to you for a few days but she will

eventually come to her senses . apart from that just be the best friend that you can be

and be supportive

 

and if the poop does hit the fan with this guy . being really practical can help to suprisingly just having

some one over for the night or taking them out for a coffee can help more that having a dnm for hours

 

thats all my sage advice i hope your friend is ok

Re: My friend's boyfriend

Hey @drhalloween 

It does sound like a tricky situation but you really seem to have all the knowledge to help her the best way you can.

It doesnt sound like a very healthy relationship however you did mention that she was happy with him.I agree with @Myvo  there could be so many other reasons he is acting the way he does for example taking drugs ( it can sometimes cause people to act apathetic). I do admire how much effort you have put into helping your friend and looking out for her. However im not sure if teling her straight up is the right way to go about it. 

If i were you i would be trying to talk to her about the relationship and let her know you are there to support her no matter what. That way if she knows that she can come to you for sound advise she will feel like she is supported and you will know you are being the best friend that you can be.

 

It must be so hard for you, but you are doing everything right by seeking knowledge and advise. If i were you i would let the relationship develop and make sure im there for my friend when she needs me. Other than telling her the information you found was there anything else you were thinking of doing or another way you could help? . I think the crew of RO would be able to come up with some ways to help you out. 

 

 

Re: My friend's boyfriend

Hey @drhalloween 

This sounds like a pretty tricky situation. We can't say if he is or isn't a sociopath, like @Myvo said, there could be a lot more going on in his personal life that he hasn't let on about. It sounds like the relationship between the two may not be too great, but it can get complicated when you get involved in friends relationships. I can't tell you whether or not you should let her know your concerns, as I've had friends that got upset if I've said something, and friends that got upset when I haven't. It really depends on each person.

Like the others said, it's great that you're there to support her, and letting her know that you're there when she needs help could lead to her opening up more about the relationship 

Let us know how you get on!

 

Re: My friend's boyfriend

Wow that is full on @drhalloween it's hard to express your thoughts on your friend's boyfriend without upsetting or offending her. I think you should just stick around for her when she needs you and maybe if she notices that your drawing yourself away (as you said you are) let her know why. Honesty is the best policy in friendships if you are open your friend is more inclined to appreciate it and maybe be more cautious in how she is treating others.

 

Sometimes it's unfortunate to see your friends in such unhealthy relationships, I've definitely had that happen to me before but my hands were tied. There is only so much you can do for your friend at this point they have to realise for themselves because you can try telling them but alot of the time they don't listen or take it too personal. I don't think it's a good idea to say to her you think his a sociopath because that might really hurt her as you said she doesn't seem to realise what his done at all. If you feel the relationship is getting worse and you think your friend doesn't seem happy then have a chat with her about it. Just try to be very gentle as it is a senstive issue.

 

 

Re: My friend's boyfriend

Okay guys, an update

The boyfriend broke up with my friend and after some talking to my friend, it seems like she also think he's a sociopath. She had been meaning to break up with him for a while but couldn't do it

 

Now, she's dealing with it pretty well and while she hasn't gotten over the breakup, she knows that it's a good thing that they've broken up. I'm hapy for my friend and I'll support her in ever way possible

Re: My friend's boyfriend

Great news; thanks for the update @drhalloween !

Good for you for keeping an eye out for her, too. You're an awesome friend. Smiley Happy

Re: My friend's boyfriend

That is wonderful to hear @drhalloween I'm glad your friend did what she had to do for her own good. Keep up the great support you are a good friend Smiley Happy