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Need some advice on my current issues and how to build my confidence.

So I’m currently 20 and I really just need some advise from someone that isn’t a part of my life. 


So so let me start this of by saying I have a huge issue with self confidence and self worth. If I’m not being interviewed by some and I get asked questions like  “what makes you great?” Or “what do you like about yourself?” My answer is “nothing”. I get told all the time that I need to have more confidence and that I’m a great kid, but to be honest.... I just don’t see it. I think I’m worthless. 


So since I was very little I’ve wanted to be a police officer. I truly believe this drive toward law enforcement and my lack of self confidence comes from being abused when I was really young. I won’t get into that right now only because it’s not what I’m trying to get across here. But anyway I’m not academically smart so my whole life I have just barley scraped by with my grades. Even now in college I’m just barely scraping by. When I was a senior in high I followed my asperations to a group called Explorers. Explorer is a law enforcement based group advised by law enforcement officers. We have meetings where we learn and interact with different aspects of law enforcement and we also have events where we are security for that event. We are also allowed to do ride alongs with police officers through this group. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. Well in the explorers the ages range from 14-21 years of age. And we have ranks like Sargent and lieutenant. Well since I’ll be 21 in April I decided why not apply to be a Sargent I’ve been here a few years(I started when I was 18) and I know how things work. Well I had my interview last Tuesday and I found out tonight that I didn’t get the position and I was told that I need to have more confidence and be proud of my accomplishments that I bring a lot to the program. So on account of my lack of confidence i didn’t get this position that I will probably never have another shot at getting because all the Sargents and lieutenants now are younger than me. 


Another really BIG thing that I’m struggling with is.... love. I know I’m 20 and I’m still young blah blah blah. But I know that I found my one and currently because of my lack of confidence she is dating someone else. We met in middle school and dated all through high school. And then 2 years ago I felt she didn’t love me or want me around anymore..... so what did I do? I broke up with her to “set her free of my burden”. Now she didn’t tell me that she didn’t love me anymore, I just assumed that stupidly. Well I also didn’t talk to her until recently like September of this year. Which is all my fault and I am aware. Like that was so shitty of me and I hate myself every day for it. Like she was just so perfect for me. We rarely fought and we had a lot in common and she ALWAYS made me smile even when a smiling was that last thing that I want to do. Just all around perfect. And I just let her go and pushed her out of my life. Well she found a boyfriend and he is something. He does drugs and pretty much has nothing going for him in life and legit they fight every. single. day.  Yet she claims she loves him. I just don’t get it. And it literally kills me inside to see her with someone she is constantly fighting with. Like even if she didn’t want me back like it would be ok if she was someone that didn’t constantly fight with her. Ugh I just wish I could turn back time and stop myself from breaking up with her. She truly made my life better. 


Well so many negative things keep happening to me like I go rear ended last week. I didn’t get this job I really wanted. I have so much debt. I don’t make a lot of money. I can’t get good grades. Im know there’s a lot more but it’s truly just all weighing me down. I keep telling myself that I just need to get over all of this and it’ll all work out and be ok. But I for some reason can’t just let it go. And I find that a lot lately I’m questioning wether I will be able to make it as a police officer. Wether I’ll be able to make one of my biggest goals for myself happen. Like I can apply when I turn 21 in April so it rapidly approaching and I just don’t know if I’ll be able to have the confidence to make it happen. 


Really if anyone can offer any advice to me that would be greatly appreciated. Even if it’s to tell me “ suck it up kid, that’s just life.” At least then I’ll know I’m not alone which is how I kinda feel. 


Re: Need some advice on my current issues and how to build my confidence.

Hi there @Dinocoltz and welcome to Reachout Smiley Happy 


Thank you for coming on and sharing your story with us. Self-confidence and self-worth is something a lot of people struggle with and it can be hard to turn those negative feelings into positive ones. Reachout has a great article over here on building self-confidence and another on challenging negative thoughts over here that might offer some suggestions to help you out. 


I also noticed that you are from overseas, as Explorers isn't a program we have here in Australia, which means that many of the supports we offer, such as helplines, won't be useful to you. This thread here has a list of international services, including the US, that might be more helpful for you. 


I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!


Re: Need some advice on my current issues and how to build my confidence.

Hi @Dinocoltz :^)!

I'm another fellow 20 yr old struggling to figure out what the hell I'm doing most of the time :')!

Self-confidence is also something difficult for me to manage but I'm slowly working on it. It's not great all the time but here's some stuff I've found that helps me a bit :')!


Fake it till you make it! 

:') So I study psychology and some old studies have found that certain facial expressions and body postures can help with confidence. Here's a Tedx talk that explains a bit of it!. I have to note that this effect is very much still debated :'). But what I think is really useful, is using this as an analogy. At least for me, I tend to think that everyone else has got their shit together and they're just strolling through life getting every opportunity possible. I've since learned that most people don't have their shit together and they're just smiling to cover up personal anxieties/problems. In fact, most of my lecturers that I volunteer with are actually extremely terrible at organising, responding to emails, and often feel very overwhelmed with stress :^) so they're not perfect beings. I've realised that it's perfectly okay to put yourself in situations and apply for opportunities you may not necessarily think you're perfect for (in fact, no one is perfect for it!). Just pretending that you are suited for a job may lead you to become better suited for the job since you'll be acting the part!


(With all this said, it's not great to cover up all problems! If something is worrying you it's much better to speak to someone about it! I just mean that for anxieties like "I'm not great at public speaking" etc. faking it may provide you with more experience to help grow the skills you need!)


I also feel like there's so much pressure to be achieving things at this age. I'm 20 (turning 21 soon as well :'''')!) but I still feel like a kid :^). Please don't feel like you need to perfect your life right now! We're not even halfway through our lives so there's plenty of time!


What's the next thing you're trying to tackle with your life? Maybe we can talk about it and set up simple goals!


Also sorry for not replying to everything! Smiley Surprised Let me know if I completely missed the mark with advice :^)! I do tend to ramble a lot!