Not sure if I'm ready to move out
Hi! I'm considering moving out for the first time from my parents house and obviously haven't had much experience before with moving on my own so I'm hoping to get some knowledge on insight from people who may have experience in moving out on their own and what it may entail
Before that though, I just want to give some background info on myself as I do have a lot of worries and concerns which would be great to get some advice for before taking this big step in my life
So, I'm currently living in Canberra, Australia and hoping to move to Sydney which is only 3 hours away and a lot busier and livelier than Canberra, my sister lives up there as well as a few friends
I'm studying a degree in Canberra and have about 6 subjects left which would take me a year tops to finish if i manage to pass everything. Honestly I have struggled a lot with my degree so far due to mental health issues which I have worked through a lot of so far, but often fall back into when I'm finding it hard to keep going or to cope. I've failed a lot of subjects but gotten a lot of support through the university and if I were to move to sydney i would have to transfer my degree over to another university there as I am not able to do my particular course online. If i were to move out to study it would have to be by July as most of the unis here start in August.
I'm working in a casual job right now as a product demonstrator. I like this job, but it doesn't give me many hours per week, I went a whole 6 weeks before without getting any shifts and the maximum I've gotten since the christmas period is probably 15 hours a week (which is rare) so basically, I don't have any savings at all. I've tried looking for another job in Canberra for the past 5-6 months and have probably applied for 200 or more jobs in that time.. and haven't heard back from any of them. I've applied for many lower paying jobs including retail, reception, supermarkets, convenience stores and either haven't heard back or have gotten rejected. Canberra is a lot smaller than Sydney, so I was thinking maybe it would be easier to find a job there even with little experience in these fields.. however I'm very worried I will face the same fate and just not find a job at all (which is my biggest worry) or at least not one where I can get a steady income to maintain a house and all the other expenses.
I'm wondering if it would be better to wait until i have more experience or education such as when I'm finished with my degree and when I can focus soley on finding a job and working, rather than on having to focus on moving at a specific time to continue studying and on finding a job in such a limited time
If I do move I'm planning to move in with a close friend who is also from Canberra. My friend hasn't had the best time in Canberra for the past year, she's been in a very abusive relationship with a guy he's pretty much ruined her life. He's cheated on her, cheated on other girls while hes been dating her, he convinced her to move out of her parents home when she wasn't really ready so they could find a place to live (or so that he would have a place to live) and he pretty much hasn't paid for anything as he "doesn't have a job" but has money to go partying every night which has put her in a lot of debt. they also had an abortion last year which was a pretty traumatic experience for my friend.. and he reacted by saying she killed his baby and hitting her.. they broke up a few months ago after she finally had enough and he is now in a relationship with another girl who he cheated on my friend with and is cheating on her too with random girls at the club! He apparently doesnt love her as much as he loves my friend (or so he says) and keeps trying to win my friend back while treating her like crap and hurting her at the same time. My friend is still living in this house that she shares with him, and the lease is expiring at the end of July, so basically she wants to get the heck out of here as soon as that happens. She's very set on Sydney as she's had such a terrible time here and wants to get away from everyone here who's been invloved in all of it.
She asked me maybe only one or two months ago to go up with her and I was really on board when she first asked me, but I'm really starting to worry about how im going to deal financially and if I can handle everything. She's obviously had more experience than me with moving out, but she is really wanting me to come up with her, I think she would be okay and still would go even if I didn't, but I am worried about her emotionally and don't want to be stuck here in Canberra for another year while all of my friends keep moving on. She has a lot more subjects of uni to finish than me. I think she has had the same trouble as me in finishing her degree especially in the last year since she met her now ex boyfriend. She probably started uni 4 years ago but is still doing first and second year subjects. I don't think she would want to stay here for another 2 or 3 years to continue finishing her degree as I think she has had enough. For me I would only have to wait one year which doesn't seem so bad
She's had 3 years of retail experience with Myer so I think her finding a job would be a lot easier than me. Although I've applied for so many jobs here I havent heard back from any and she's hardly applied for any and has gotten interviews for several of them.
In all honestly, I would really love to move as I feel as if my life is stuck here, I've been here for the past 10 years and feel like I'm doing the same thing over and over. I want to experience more things in life and think sydney would be a great place to do that! And I also don't want to lose another close friend as so many of my friends have moved away or finished their degress and started working full time already. I'm just worried it is not the smartest idea for me, but i really would love to go.. If I don't manage to find a job I would like to find a way to still move up there but it really wouldn't be ideal. If anyone has advice on what might be a good course of action or willing to share their experiences I would be happy to hear it!
And p.s sorry for writing such a long post I got a little carried away
Re: Not sure if I'm ready to move out
Personally, I don't have much experience in this as I've never moved out before. Have you tried applying for jobs in the Sydney area?
Have you shared your worries with your friend? Do you think she might be able to provide you with some support? You could try coming to an agreement with her and look for a job in the area she's moving to while continuing to live in Canberra until you have a job.
In the end, it's up to you and only you can really know what the best thing for you to do is.
Also, have you spoken to your parents about your thoughts and feelings on this?
My sister moved out of home a few years ago, but she moved back in after she hit financial trouble. Could you move back in if you were having trouble? My sister is moving out again, so it wouldn't be a permanent thing.
Let us know how you go.
Re: Not sure if I'm ready to move out
Welcome to ReachOut and thanks for your post.
I can sense that you have quite a few concerns about stability associated with moving from Canberra to Sydney, and that you feel as if there is added pressure as a result of your close friends abusive partner. I am really sad to hear about your friend and I hope that she can confidently approach assistance should she need to. Please let her know that RO is an online community and that if she feels the need, that she can post on here any time and we will do our best to support her.
It's difficult to give advice on this kind of issue as I understand there must be quite a few contributing factors. You mentioned that you have struggled with mental health in the past, are you in a safe head space right now? How do you feel about moving away from your family and what does your family think?
You've also mentioned that many of your friends seem to be moving on, do you think that you could develop a support network of friends where you currently are living?
It really comes down to what you and your family feel is necessary and right for you. It is important to feel 'ready' to move out, and these days, being completely independent hinges a lot on money and work. (Check out an online talk I'm hosting next Monday 8pm AEST for some great pointers and discussion about this exact topic! Click here) I'm sure you will be able to find a job in time (it's very competative atm), but you also need to consider how this would effect your study.
I think as @N1ghtW1ng mentioned, speaking with your friend about what is right for you is a great idea and I'm sure what ever conclusion you reach that your friend will be understanding and support you.
Keep us posted, we are here to help.
Re: Not sure if I'm ready to move out
Thanks a lot for the support and the advice guys! It's all very helpful
I have told my friend a little bit of my concerns, mostly that I'm worried I won't find a job in Sydney, but she said that she thinks if I just keep applying something is bound to come up. I don't think she wants to move out on her own as it would be really difficult financially so I am feeling a lot of pressure because I don't want to back out at the last minute and say I can't when she's made all of these plans for us.
I've told my mum about it ! And she doesn't really like the idea of it at all because I have struggled with uni in the past and she thinks it may be way too much for me to handle. But she said she's not going to stop me if it's what I really want to do she just really doesn't think its a good idea lol
I'm mentally in a better place most of the time.. I have my ups and downs still, but I feel like I am a lot more motivated to do well than I was in the past. I really want to work hard and try and achieve things because I do feel like I've wasted a lot of time. But I'm hoping I'm not putting too much on myself.
I'm going to try and do what I can I guess I'm going to see a career counsellor soon so hopefully they can give me some advice on getting jobs and on moving out and maybe help me figure out what im doing wrong when applying for jobs. But I am just hoping things will go well as I don't want to let my friend down!
thanks a lot for the responses again! I'll definitely think over everything thats been said and hopefully be able to make the right decision
Re: Not sure if I'm ready to move out
I think it's so great that you asked this question here and that you've reached out to your mum as well. Talking about big decisions with others can really help us to sort out our thoughts better - at least that works well for me most of the time.
I also think seeing a career counsellor is a great idea too! Applying for over 200 jobs and getting zilch sounds SO frustrating. I would have really struggled with that myself.
You did ask for people to share their experiences of moving so I'll share mine if that's ok.
I moved over the weekend into my boyfriend's apartment between the last week of my degree and the first week of my first full time job. It was a big shift but because I'd been living there for weekends, overnights and a week here and there for the previous year the transition wasn't too hard. Settling into work was fine though because I had lovely colleagues.
We've moved twice since then, once to a share house with two other male friends of ours, and now into a house of our own.
It's definitely been easier as we're in a really constructive positive relationship (not without arguments though) and always work through our issues. And we've always lived with people who paid their bills on time.
What can make moving out stressful is the following
- paying bond (that's a month's rent in advance) + paying your first month of rent all at once
- sorting out utilities
- sharing housework
- sharing privacy
- gradually having others discover how much of a slob you are lol. This last one is inevitable.
Moving in itself cost money and lots of it. You might also need to buy furniture which is fun yay! But costly. Wah.
Having said all that, I LOVE living out of home. Having a space of your own is a responsibility in so many ways but also so rewarding.
I hope you figure out what you want to do and I really hope it's what YOU want for you.
Seen something fantastic on the forums?