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Polyamory/open relationships

What do people think about polyamory and open relationships? 

 

It is a bit of a personal topic for me, as right now I don't want to tell my parents about being in a semi-serious open relationship with someone who they know has a boyfriend because of the way they may judged not only me, but her as well. Polyamory is a very real thing for me too as not only am I romantically interested in her, but another girl as well. 

 

So yeah basically just share opinions on whether you agree with it or not (and why) and whether you think people like me and many others should be more open about these sorts of relationships Smiley Happy

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Re: Polyamory/open relationships

Hey @liraeli 

 

It sounds like a very complicated situation you are in at the moment and you are not yet sure if you should tell your parents because you dont want them to judge you or her and that makes sense, some parents can be quite old fashioned in terms of love and relationships. 

 

I personally am not into open relationships but that's because I like to just be with one person and it confuses me if I have too many love interests but I think open relationships can sometimes work if there is a lot of communication and honesty. I think one of the hollywood couples who are rumoured to have an open relationship is Will and Jada Smith and they seem to have a great and long lasting relationship. So I think it depends on the individual and if you like it and the girls that you like are happy with it and you open the door to honesty and communication it can work just like any other relationship. 

 

If you do want to read more on dating more than one person, have a look at that factsheet it might help 

 

Take care Smiley Happy 

 

 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: Polyamory/open relationships

Good question, good topic.

 

Years ago I would never have considered an open relationship, but having been exposed to more of them, as well as being in a far more flexible situation now than I used to be, I encourage and support them — but only if they're right for you.

My partner and I have what we call an open relationship: we're strongly emotionally and intimiately invested in one another but, if we're far away from one another (which happens a lot as I move between countries a lot and she stays in one place), we see nothing wrong with an occasional one night stand. Apart from maintaining safety, the only rule we have is that the person you're hooking up with must know the deal.

 

I have friends who are in a polyamorous relationship; they're younger than me, married, but they each have "secondary" partners that they date, too. I always felt the "primary / secondary" aspect to these sorts of relationships felt too structured and restrictive, but that's just me. I can understand why it works for some people and I think that's great. Smiley Happy

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Re: Polyamory/open relationships

I think it's something I wouldn't want to be a part of and something that can very easily turn bad.

I remember watching a documentary on it a few years ago, there were two relationships focused on in particular. One looked pretty unhealthy, the other completely fine. Which makes me think that it could greatly be just like more normal types of relationships where some are healthy and some aren't just because of the people in them.

If all of the people involved are completely understanding, aware, and are absolutely sure that they're fine with the arrangement, then I see it as fine.
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Re: Polyamory/open relationships

Hi @liraeli ,

I think that the advice that people have already given about being open and honest is spot on. The only other thing I'd add is that sometimes if an existing relationship started out as a couple, but then one member of the couple wants to open up the relationship, the other person might not be as keen, but might go along with it to make the other person happy. I'm not saying that will always be the case. But I'm saying both people in that scenario need to be really open and honest about how they really feel about it. Going along with poly because you don't want to lose someone is a way for everyone involved to end up hurt. It's ok to say no if it's not your thing, just like it's ok to say yes if you think it's a good idea!

 

Good luck!

blithe

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Re: Polyamory/open relationships

Thanks everyone for your replies and opinions. I am lucky that my girlfriend's boyfriend was actually the one that wanted her to confront me about her feelings (even though I made the first move) so luckily there are no problems there. And with the other interest I have, it is like we are dating but not officially so I share everything with her, even what sort of things I do with my girlfriend. This may sound like a breach of privacy, however I first make sure I get my girlfriend's permission to go ahead and I never share anything more than what she is comfortable with. Luckily everything is working quite well so far, but I am still yet to tell my parents about any of this.

Although it may not be for some, I am actually very happy being in an open relationship (almost relationships). 

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Re: Polyamory/open relationships

Robert Jordan has an extensive opinion on this. Have a read of the novel series "The Wheel of Time"

 

He definitely has something to say about having multiple partners.

 

I remember when I was younger I wanted to be with two very beautiful women, but that wasn't how they saw it. In the end I had to choose, but really I felt like I was running away from what I really wanted. Its a beautiful thing if you can get the dynamics to work right.

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Re: Polyamory/open relationships

@liraeli , I have a hard enough time getting one person to like me, so I envy your dilemma! Ha, I believe in doing whatever makes you happy, provided nobody else is hurt in the process. That's not to say that there are things you shouldn't do because they make others unhappy, though. The offended aren't always in the right. There are people in the world who are offended by mixed marriage, for example. Of course, that doesn't make them right. I wouldn't set out to offend, but nor would I be dissuaded from doing what I want - and which I believe is right - simply because it offended somebody else...