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Relationship Trouble

My partner has an ex-fiance that he still has documents and photos around that he hasn't gotten rid of, he says he doesn't want to think about her and wants to move on together but it's hard to think that when he doesn't delete things. 

I have been engaged before and it was a mess and he was a not so nice person, he lied and made me feel like I was crazy. 


As soon as I find something now to do with my partner's ex I start thinking about the fall back and how he can move to his parents, I can pay rent here and I will be okay alone... All because of a folder of her stuff on his computer. 


I just want to know if anyone has any tips on how to stop this negative thinking?  


Re: Relationship Trouble

Hi @Beefsteak95  this sounds like a tricky situation..


While I have not personally been in this situation I understand where your feelings are coming from, especially if you have a bad experience with your ex. 

Is this the main reason for considering being on your own? Or is it a mixture of things? 

While I don't have much advice on this particular situation, I do have other friends in relationships that have stayed friends with their ex and have kept old photos just for memories. While someone may have moved on from the person, sometimes the memories shared with them can still be appreciated.


Have you sat down with your partner and explained how you feel? Maybe if he knew how much it was hurting you he would reconsider? Smiley Happy 


Sorry if this advice wasn't much help, I just wanted to check in to make sure you are okay 


Re: Relationship Trouble

Hey there @Beefsteak95 and welcome to ReachOut Smiley Happy 


It can be tricky to move forward into a new relationship when past issues may hold us back. Stopping negative thoughts can be difficult, but not impossible. ReachOut has a great factsheet on challenging negative thoughts that may provide some ideas, including some questions you can follow. What do you think? 


@lr8991 has also provided some great advice, talking to your partner can be a great way to gain some insight into how they may feel. Is that something you would feel comfortable doing? 


I hope that today is better for you, we're here to listen Smiley Happy 


I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!


Re: Relationship Trouble

Hi @Beefsteak95,


You have got some great advice so far!


I just thought I would add to what @lr8991 said, that if you feel up to it, it might be nice to have a conversation with your partner about how finding this stuff makes you feel. It may feel like an intimidating conversation, but if your partner is aware of your emotion they may be able to make sure this stuff is out of sight or you guys could come to some kind of resolution together.


Goodluck though! Exes are quite tricky. My partner and I have the problem where I quite like to talk about each others exes and he hates it. My partner and I once had a conversation about exes and each others boundaries and I think that really helped even though the idea of those conversations always make my stomach feel sick.


Even if this stratergy isn't right for you, I'd love to hear about how you have been going since first reaching out <3