cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Relationship Troubles...

Hey there!

I am 15 and I have been in a relationship for 3 months... to a 21 year old. We have known each other for about a year and have been close for 6 months now. We had mutual feelings for each other but never acted on them due to the age gap, but eventually we decided to give it a go. Only our very close friends know. We spend a lot of time together out and about and at his house, his parents think I'm 17. My parents don't know anything. We haven't had sex or anything although we have spoken about it and agreed it isn't something we should start talking about seriously until I at least turn 16. He has never tried to pressure me into ANYTHING. Is what we are doing wrong? I love him Smiley Sad

Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

Hi @racheljazzmyne ! Thanks for posting. Smiley Happy I saw you posted a duplicate post so I removed it and moved this one here, since it's a better section for it.

 

To me it sounds like you're approaching things maturely enough to understand that there are legalities involved, which is good.

 

In terms of whether it's "wrong" or not, that's really in the eye of the beholder. Some people will say that as long as you don't break the law and the relationship remains mature and respectful then it's okay. Other people, however, might think otherwise. It's an unorthodox situation in contemporary society.

 

Hopefully others here can shed a little light on what they think but, in the meantime, what makes you think it might be wrong?

Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

I think it's less of the fact that I personally think it's wrong, because I don't think I do... It's more of what other people will think and whether they'd think it's wrong. I don't want to be judged but I think that's risk I need to take.
Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

Hi Racheljazzmyne
if you are ok with it then its fine, the reason people like your parents might not agree with it is cause they are worried that  you might be taken advantage of. but it seems like you are mature enough if you can have an adult conversation about sex and waiting until you are 16. 

 

just remember that the age gap disapears as you get older, like no one will care when you are 106 years old and he is 111 Smiley Happy

 

JJR

Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

I agree that ultimately if you and your boyfriend are both happy in your relationship then it's fine. As for what other people think, it depends how close you are to them and their views about things in general. Telling his parents that you're two years older can potentially make things awkward later on - although i don't at all doubt either of your maturity, sometimes parents can think that if you lied about your age, you might be lying about other things. As for general acquaintances, i like to go by the saying 'those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.' The point about the age gap disappearing as you get older is a good one. It comes down to weighing up the potential disapproval of the age gap against the potential disapproval of keeping the relationship 'secret' from others. I'm not sure whether any of that helps.

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

I dont think love has a number, and if you feel that way who is to stop you right, some may think it wrong. but in my eyes since he has neither pressured or tried to initiate sex makes it ok in my book. But be carefull because if your parents are together they may hit a bump if say your sixteenth birthday party is mentioned? also keeping secrets makes finding out harder. I do think you should kepp it from your parents but not his existence, if you are out with him and something goes wrong eg. your phone goes flat and your parents ring a friend only to find that you arent there. Also another concern is that he is a man (not that he would) but you would be screwed if he got tired of waiting if you know my meaning. However I think you are okay for the moment but you need to find a way to tell an adult who you have access to 24/7 incase for whatever reason you need help without revealing the whole root system of the lie. Try to tell your mum/dad whoever will take it best if you can?

You sound smart and aware of the risks and until you break the law you are fine, just remember that if no one testifys, no sex=no crime but if someone sees him touch you in anyway it can be called seduction, mean he lured you into it. He sounds okay and you are both clearly mature and responsible but to conclude, my advice would be keep talking but cool the relationship untill you turn 16, then your parents cannot stop you by law and you are free to do whatever.

Id really like a more detailed assesment of your parents, his parents and the actual guy. can you put my name in your next comment so I get emailed a notification and we can keep this up?

I hope this helps you become happy
Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

@paris149 Smiley Happy

He is wonderfullll, obviously although I am a tad bias Smiley Tongue

He is in uni at the moment doing IT, although he's waiting until graduation to look for a proper job to increase his chances of actually getting a good position. Right now he works at Maccas which is how we met. He is very loving and affectionate and has a good sense of moral integrity. 

His parents are so cute! They're from Peru so they live a completely different lifestyle but they're very nice and accepting of me and very sweet. According to my boyfriend, they've never really gotten to know any of his other gf's so I am very special for them.

My parents are the complete opposite! My mum is sick, she has a mental disorder so I don't really speak much or interact with her. My dad is stubborn, short-tempered, racist, etc. You get my point. He knows that I've been spending a lot of time with someone named Scott and he knows what car he drives (he sees it when he drops me off/picks me up) but I think he's avoiding asking too many questions. 

Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

Hmm well looking at it I dont think much can go wrong just keep an eye on your dad, he might go all shoygun wedding ann noone wants that. so yeah just wait till your 16th and yeah keep it up, but still be careful keeping secrets to make sure they dont cone out
Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

Thanks for the advice! Appreciate it Smiley Happy
Highlighted

Re: Relationship Troubles...

Smiley Happy no problems thats what friends are for