I am after some advice. My ex broke up with me 6 days ago, it was very sudden and I was not expecting it at all. We did not speak for 3-4 days but I was not coping well at all and was very confused. We have been together for almost 2 years. I ended up contacting him and asking him If it was okay that we spoke about what happened. He agreed and said he was going to contact me anyway as he felt he made the wrong decision. He has his reasons but he did not communicate how he was feeling to me properly.
Our chat went really well, there is no hate between us and we have both agreed that we may be able to try again but we need to take it slow. He asked to see me once a week but wants to cut contact so he has time to think about it properly which is completely fair but I am struggling with overthinking and not knowing what will happen.
Any help or advice is much appreciated.
Hey, it sounds like what you're going through is tough and I've been there multiple times. From my experience with my first ex, the break up wasn't exactly nice but it was mutual in a way. I guess the hardest thing is, like you mentioned, the uncertainty because that is out of our control. I think it's ok to feel not ok and right now, perhaps the best thing is to really focus on self-care and treating yourself kindly.
I know in those situations in my past, I would judge myself critically and constantly worry about something out of my control. But over time, I learned a system that worked for me but let me know if it works for you. I basically journal and write down everything that's bothering me and I write in it everyday as a way to check in with my feelings and reflect on my actions. Afterwards, I'll treat myself to a nice meal, watch youtube, exercise a little (which naturally boosts mood), do some yoga or if I'm feeling lazy, just snuggle in bed with some music. What worked for me was that I learned to accept that things will be out of my control and that instead of focusing on the what if's... that I can instead work on bettering myself. Because my personality is very planning oriented, this thought worked brilliantly for me. Instead of worrying about if my ex will get back with me, I thought well that's up to you but I know I'm a catch and I would work on myself creatively and do a mini glow up for myself to feel better.
But everyone has a different system. With all this rambling, I just wanted to say I've been where you've been and it hurts... a lot. But we're all here for you. Please take care of yourself because you matter the most at the end of the day!
Hey @wanderingwasp. Thank you for taking the time to write back to my post. Knowing people have been through similar situations has really helped me cope a bit better. Everything you have said has been really helpful, thank you! I am going to starting journaling and writing down my feelings daily and see where I go from there.
I went through something very similar last year. My boyfriend and I were together for over 2 years at the time and he ended it very suddenly. It was honestly one of the most horrible feelings, I couldn’t even put it into words. My boyfriend also contacted me not long after saying he regretted his decision. We ended up meeting a couple of days later and talked everything through. It turns out we both had a bit to work on in the relationship and it gave us a chance to properly communicate. We’re still together now and our relationship is a lot stronger. Regardless of whether you get back together I think it’s a great learning experience and it makes you assess what you really want. I hope everything works out for you but just try to focus on yourself and do what’s best for you ❤️
Thank you for replying! It is really hard hey? A lot of what you said sounds really similar to my situation. I feel really lost and although the conversation went really well yesterday and I feel in my gut there is still hope, it is the uncertainty of waiting for him to decide that is really making me uneasy. He spoke about future stuff to me yesterday and other things that really made me feel that he is considering it. I have some mental health issues and unfortunately, they took a toll on the relationship at times but he was not communicating to me how he was feeling so when he broke up with me randomly, it really hurt.
I think going forward if we did get a second chance I think our communication needs to be better and it is something I very much want to work on. I really really hope when I see him this week it also goes well. Communication is something that can definitely be worked on so I'm grateful it is a small issue like that and nothing major.
Did your boyfriend cut contact with you when you broke up?
I'm so glad everything worked out for you both, hearing it did make me smile and gave me hope!
Thanks again ❤️
It’s an incredibly difficult thing to go through so just remember I’ll be here on the forum to support you when you need. For our relationship improving communication was so important and really saved us. Does your boyfriend know about your mental health issues? I actually said I needed space from him because I was just so shocked about the break up and needed time to process things and cool off.
Thank you so much
I can imagine, I'm so glad it worked out for you both! Yeah, he does, unfortunately, he doesn't know too much about mental health and how to help. When we sat down and spoke yesterday he asked me more about it and things he can do to help which really meant a lot to me. My mental health isn't too bad, it just spiral if I bottle things up or if everything becomes a little bit too much. I have contacted my work counseling service to speak to them about some personal issues, I am really trying.
That is completely fair enough. I gave myself a couple of days before contacting him as I was really hurt but now I think it's just the uncertainty that really makes me want to talk to him and try and work through it. But, I am respecting he needs space and I am really looking forward to seeing him on the weekend.
That’s a huge step that you’re seeking help from your work counsellor, you should be proud. All the waiting around can be tough, sort of feels like you’re in limbo so hang in there! Just try to take care of yourself and fill your time with things you love doing. Hope it all works out for you this weekend ❤️
Hope you're doing well! I totally understand what your concerns are. I really like the advice the others gave you. I guess things that are out of control are scary because well...they're out of our control. But for the same reason, I guess that's why you have to try and just look after yourself and do things you can control.
My boyfriend and I have also been through our own struggles. No relationship is perfect. A good relationship is one where you respectfully hear the other out and work on communication and on yourselves to be better for the other person too. If anything, I guess this break is a learning curve too if anything. Hopefully, things work out well for you! But just remember your worth and we're here for you when you need it!
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