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Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

Setting Boundaries! A Special Discussion


During the last two weeks we have seen more posts about the challenges of setting personal boundaries with friends, family, housemates, workmates and school mates.

 

What do we mean by personal boundaries? Personal boundaries are the limits that you set for yourself and for your interactions with others that help to structure what you are comfortable and not comfortable with, and how you will respond in situations where your boundaries are crossed.

 

Boundaries are important across all areas of life. But during this time of increased global stress with Coronavirus (COVID19) and with many more people staying at home (often with others in their environment too!), let’s revisit some key considerations in setting and maintaining personal boundaries! 

jake johnson schmidt GIF by New Girl

What do we need to know about personal boundaries?

  • Boundaries can help you to re-prioritise yourself, your needs and your wellbeing. This can lead to an increase in self esteem too! 
  • Boundaries can help to improve our relationships with others
  • Boundaries can help us to maintain and save our emotional energy
  • Boundaries can change as you grow and change, and you may adjust your boundaries over time depending on your needs, wants and limits
  • You can have different boundaries with different people and different situations- it doesn't have to be one-size-fits-all 

 

ACTIVITY:

  1. What is an example of a boundary you have set?
  2. How did you communicate your boundaries and maintain them with those around you?
  3. Are there any new boundaries you need to cope with the changes at the moment?
  4. What are some of the challenges you may come across in maintaining your boundaries?

Bonus question: What is your top tip for setting and maintaining boundaries?

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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

Here's my example to get you started Smiley Happy

 

1. What is an example of a boundary you have set?

I live with others, and there are times that I need space by myself to process my day. 

 

2. How did you communicate your boundaries and maintain them with those around you?

I let my household know I need some time to myself, and I give them a timeframe and let them know where I’ll be so that they make sure to avoid that area of the house for that time. 

 

3. Are there any new boundaries you need to cope with the changes at the moment?

 Now that I am spending more time at home, I am asking my household to give me an hour of “virus free talk” time, because I need some time to not be hearing about it. 

 

4. What are some of the challenges you may come across in maintaining your boundaries?

Sometimes their stress pushes them to want to tell me about the news in my ‘me-time’, but I calmly remind them that at the moment I am taking a break, but that I will check back in with them in an hour. 

 

Bonus question, my top tip is: It's okay to say no! 

It's Okay to Say No - Tiny Buddha

 

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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

Ooh~ I know some people need some help with this, especially when friends can be bed influences or pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.

1. I live with all of my family, which is 7 people in total (5 Kids, 2 Adults), which is big for a normal household. I already know my boundaries, and that is to go into my room for me time. I’m lucky enough to have my own room, with a slightly too small house!

2. @Jess1-RO I’d love to do that, in the early hours of the morning! Except that my 2 youngest siblings get up so early, and make lots of noise playing with the dog, right outside my window, when I’m trying to sleep. I get so frustrated and tired when my beauty sleep is interrupted... My family is pretty good otherwise, but I do need to set some boundaries for April fools pranks... (I got my mum real good yesterday!)

3. I agree with an hour of virus free talk. My family doesn’t talk much about it, and when we do, we only mention it with like, ‘Ooh Corona Time’ and then laugh it off.
But otherwise, I’m pretty okay. I do need to get more schoolwork done though... There we go! I need to set aside time for procrastination, and do my schoolwork first. Then I can procrastinate/have free time.

4. Oh this is a hard one...
My siblings always keep asking me stuff, that they know is not important at the time. Although, I should probably tell them that when my door is closed, it means I’m either getting dressed, or I don’t want to be disturbed. But yes, my siblings love pushing boundaries, even when they know I am not in the mood.

Bonus Question:
It’s okay to take time for yourself!
I know that I struggle with this, and it’s something I might always struggle with. But it’s also a balance between getting things done, and taking time for yourself. If you take too much time for yourself, then you might not get the daily tasks done either.

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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

That's some serious good problem solving right there!  I love the way you're able to look at things from multiple perspectives Heart

 

Haha!  I would love to hear about your April's fool prank on your mum, unless it's not appropriate to share!

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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

@Ronan-RO I’m happy to share my pranks!

The first one I did, was take the TV remote batteries out of the remote. It’s actually quite ironic that that happened, because my mum was going to do an Anne of Green Gables Marathon yesterday. She was so confused, because she thought that someone had turned the TV off at the power source. Lol, I got her good!

The second prank I pulled, was when I put food colouring on the underside of the kitchen taps. You know where the water comes out? Well thats where I put the colouring. I also did my mums bathroom tap, and the shower too! The water would come out a different colour, until the food colouring washed away. It doesn’t stain either, so it was awesome!

And what’s really funny about it, is that my sister usually does pranks, even when its not April fools. And because she does so many of them at a time, my mum thought it was her that came up with it. But no, I owned up to it, and my mum was surprised at how well I did it! Apparently they were better than my prankster sisters ones too.

And also bear in mind, I’m the oldest of 5 kids, so my mum was a bit pranked out by the end of the day!
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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

Haha!  Oh my god, you are hilarious; you got your mum so good there!  I was actually laughing out loud when I read that Heart.  She'll be ready for you next time!

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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

What is an example of a boundary you have set?
I have made it a rule of not replying to volunteering-related emails past 11pm, after a place I used to volunteer at expected me to be available at all times of the day and night, including when I was on holiday (which I told them about in advance).

How did you communicate your boundaries and maintain them with those around you?
I try to communicate when I will be unavailable via email or messages.

Are there any new boundaries you need to cope with the changes at the moment?
I used to sit quite close to my nursing home residents and help them walk or push their wheelchairs, but since the virus stuff happened, I now have to social distance from them and keep the visits to their room or a designated area only. I can only stay for an hour at a time and only during certain times of the day. I have also been staying away from my grandparents because I don't want them to get sick.

What are some of the challenges you may come across in maintaining your boundaries?
I think it's really hard to social distance when you're around people with disabilities or who need care. It's impossible to distance ourselves from my sister because she needs help to do a lot of things. I also think it would be hard when you're around younger children.
I really wish I could set boundaries for the times that I eat, sleep, and do work, but sometimes it's hard when my sister is unpredictable. There have been lots of times when I've sat down to eat when she has fallen or asks for someone to take her to the bathroom. It can also take her a long time to get ready for bed, especially if she has seizures. Sometimes my grandma also falls or asks for help, waking me up when I'm trying to sleep.

What is your top tip for setting and maintaining boundaries?
My top tip for setting and maintaining boundaries is to communicate them clearly and well in advance, such as by saying, 'I will be away from X date and will not be able to come in or reply to messages'. If the other person tries to contact you anyway, I think it's best to just not reply unless it's a major emergency.
Boundaries also don't mean that the other person has to be excluded completely. Sometimes, I've had to tell family members that they can come to an event as long as they do not cause any dramas.

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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

thanks for starting this topic @Jess1-RO its an important one to have
im going to try and respond tonight just not feeling all that well atm
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: Setting Boundaries: Special Discussion

Please feel welcome to share when you feel ready to @scared01 Heart I hope you feel better soon.