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Sex for the first time, what do I do?

So I've been with my boyfriend for at least 4 months now, although we don't see each other much (mainly because he lives an hour away from me), he's been really good when it comes to the sexual side of things. he really respectful, and understands my needs and wants. I actually identify as an asexual, so im usually not really into that sort of thing anyways. Although recently my sexuality has been in and out, Im kind of interested in it and curious about what it's like, but most of the time i even think about doing that sort of thing i freak out, just because it's such a weird concept to me. But a few nights ago I decided something. Since i have made plans to see him during summer, I wanted to try sex for the first time to see how I would go, what it would feel like. I brought this up to him and he seemed cool with it! Im going to chat to him more about it next time I see him (next Friday hopefully), but for now im just kind of stuck on the basics.

Like for protection, who buys the condoms?

or when should I initiate it? how do I? 

what do I do? 

It's a lot of questions, and i'm way too scared to mention it to my parents, they would be worried, and my most of my friends are virgins anyways so they wouldn't have a clue. 

would any of you have a idea?



Re: Sex for the first time, what do I do?

Hey @bitxhseriously101, thanks for joining ReachOut and sharing your story here. I had to edit your name out of the post as it breaches our guidelines, you can read more about them by clicking this link. A lot of these questions should be discussed with your partner so you are on the same page. It is different for each person and there is no particular standard or 'right' way to go about things, so it is best to discuss it first. It can be difficult to know what to do to get the ball rolling but it often comes naturally without a lot of thought especially if you have both talked about it previously. Remember that it is important for both of you to feel comfortable and to obtain consent before engaging in any sexual activity. Give yourselves time to let it happen, there is no rush and it will happen when the time is right. Here is a video (CW: consent/sexual assault) on consent using tea, which is really simple but useful. Is there a trusted adult that you can talk to any of this about? It is great that you are choosing to use protection which is also really important when engaging in sexual activity Smiley Happy


Re: Sex for the first time, what do I do?

I mean, I do have trusted adults, but im more worried about being judged? 

Im gonna talk more about this to my boyfriend next week when we meet. So hopefully i can clear some things up. Thanks for the link too, it was really helpful Smiley Happy



Re: Sex for the first time, what do I do?

hello and welcome @bitxhseriously101
Im glad you have reached out for support around this. It can be extremely nerve wracking.
Taylor-ro has given some great advice and links and i definently second making sure you BOTH consent.
As for buying condoms, that is a topic that should be disccused as well between the both of you but considering its your first time, perhaps as a peace of mind for you, you could buy them and bring them with you so that you know you have them.

Can i ask if your bf has done this before? If yes, then maybe you could allow him to 'lead the way' so to speak so that it flows a little more naturally. It is more than normal to be scared, nervous etc so dont try to drown out those feelings either.

I very much get not being sure about talking to others, it can be an awkward topic but if after you talk to your bf you still have a lot of questions then perhaps you could try talking to someone with experience as well.

Hopefully some others have some more tips for you here though
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**