cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

Hi @Clementine75!

It sounds like you're in a really tough position and that it's weighing heavily on your mind. 

I really like what @hellofriend said - that relationships don't need to be really serious to be worthwhile. If it is the case that your anxiety mainly comes from overthinking things too much then it might be useful to try to take it one day at a time and not put too much pressure on your relationship.
One the other hand though, all your doubts may be signalling to you that a romantic relationship with this person just isn't right for you. Even though you are good friends, get along well, and this person communicates that they are into you romantically, it's okay if you don't reciprocate the romantic feelings. 
And if you call things off now, remember, it's not the be-all and end-all. You may come back together in the future when you are both ready - you may not! It may be a little awkward for a while but I know from personal experience that high-school exes can be great friends again!



Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

Hey there @Clementine75  it sounds like this is a really confusing time, but it's amazing that you are being so considered and thoughtful about this relationship and what it means to you. I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling anxious and fearful around this, what have you been doing to look after yourself in this time?

You're saying that you're wondering now if it is the idea of the relationship that you like more than the actual relationship. It's understandable that that could be the case because as you say things from an outside perspective would seem like you two would be great together, but your feelings aren't quite matching up to that. It's great you're able to listen to your feelings that things aren't quite right, and that things have been fine but not amazing, what do you think it would be like to go back to being friends with him? And what do you think it might be like if you continued dating?

I thought it was cool what @recharging_introvert was saying about maintaining friendships are dating or coming back to it when you're both ready. We can't help the way that we feel and sometimes things just don't turn out how we thought they would, and that's ok! Relationships can be really tricky and complicated, be kind to yourself, you're doing your best Heart

Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

Hi @Clementine75, it sounds like you've been doing a lot of reflecting on everything. It's nice to hear that you do care for him, and it does make sense that you feel like it is a good relationship but isn't exactly what you want, that's a very common feeling and not always one that is easy to explain. Honestly it sounds like you two are at very different levels with what you are taking this relationship to be and what you both have been able to invest into it from a romantic/emotional level, especially with him jumping into it very quickly and you wanting to sort out your feelings first. To me it almost sounds like the place the relationship is in now just isn't where you would choose to be and that's causing you a lot of heartache. Has he noticed any reservation or issues from you aside from just wanting you to take it slow? Has anyone else noticed either? It sounds like you feel very alone in how you're feeling. 

Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

So (after talking to and working things out with my mum) I met up with this guy a few days ago and told that I felt like emotionally, we were in different places and that it would be better if we could be friends. I reassured him though, that I did genuinely want to be friends. (I didn’t want him to just think I was being nice.) He said he understood, after he’d sent some of those messages that sent me spiralling, he realised that things probably weren’t going to work out. We then just chatted causally for a bit, and it felt fine. It probably went as good as it could have gone. I just started back at school today after a holiday. I’m not really sure what to do in terms of telling people. It wasn’t that long ago we announced it, but we’ve been hanging out - just the two of us, I mean - for a while. I had a friend say to me (when this guy wasn’t around) that she was so happy we were dated, and I got uncomfortable but didn’t day anything. On top of all that is my doubtful, anxious brain that likes to analyse too much. I’m doubting whether or not it was the right choice, but I think it was - I definitely feel better and don’t think that I really want to go back to it. Things are pretty normal between him and I at school, but it feels weird to go back to how things were. We’re pretty close, we were before too, but it’s weird now that the whole “dating thing” has happened. Most of my friends have been girls, so it’s weird having a close one that’s a guy, even more so one that I (albeit briefly) dated.

Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

Hey @Clementine75, thanks for giving us this update, that's great you were able to work things out after chatting things through with your mum, was she able to give you some good advice?

 

It sounds like you've managed this situation in a really respectful, considerate way which I imagine will help you both to continue the friendship, which it sounds like you really value. It makes sense things might feel a bit weird, how are you feeling about telling people? Do you feel like you need to? I hope you don't feel pressured to disclose anything you don't feel comfortable talking about, your relationships are your business Smiley Happy 

Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

It just feels weird that people think we’re together when we’re not, but I’m not sure what to say.

Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

I think I know the feeling @Clementine75 , I broke up with someone not too long ago and remained friends, and it felt awkward to still be treated like a couple for the little bit after. It took a bit of courage for me to tell people, which I think just came from giving myself a bit of time to come to terms with that had happened. When it came down to it, I found that if I could just get the word "actually" out at the right moment that was the hardest part done and dusted, and everything else was more natural.

Also I remember when I was in high school the way most people told their friends a relationship had ended was changing their relationship status on facebook, but I've heard that facebook's a bit out of fashion now Smiley Tongue

Like @Hannah-RO said it is your business, so if, when and how you update the people in your life is totally up to you Smiley Happy

Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

Yeah I can imagine that would be a weird feeling, have you spoken with him about it? Maybe you two could come up with a way that you address it by agreeing to tell people the same thing, for example "We've decided we're better as friends." 

Highlighted

Re: Should I Enter A High School Relationship?

Hey @Clementine75, I'm glad to hear that you were able to successfully communicate how you were feeling and that you're feeling better now. Good luck with the new school term!

I think some great suggestions have already been made. It's definitely hard to try and explain things to other people, and you are allowed to give as much or as little information as you want. You can just say 'we decided it was best' and if people pry you can just continue saying the same thing until they get the message. I also think it would be nice to have both of you have the same response to people so that you can both keep your privacy. As for the awkwardness, I think as with most things time will help clear the air. Keep trying to have lots positive experiences and things to distract you in your life and soon enough what happened before won't feel as raw and new and uncomfortable. I hope you're doing okay Heart