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Social Events

Nearly everytime I want to go to a social event, the day before I have a strong urge to not go and to just not contact anyone from the group I'm going with, I feel like I want to disapear. Just recently I was invited to bowling and I've cancelled last minute. I have the strong feeling that makes me want to hurt myself so it looks like I have a good reason not to go. I also get the feeling I don't want to talk to anyone. This has been going on for the last 6months. Any help telling me whats wrong would be very nice  thank you and I hope you all have a great day. :^)

Re: Social Events

Hey @Phoon, welcome to RO and thanks so much for sharing this.


What sort of feelings tend to come up before social events? What sort of things pop into your head? If you can work out what's at the heart of it, it may help you to move forward with a strategy.

You mentioned you want to hurt yourself, do you plan on doing that? Are you safe at this moment?

Re: Social Events

Hi @Phoon, and welcome to RO!


Not feeling like going to social events isn't the most uncommon thing in the world, but it could really mean a number of things. Many people may avoid a social event for different reasons - maybe because they're feeling more tired than usual, they might feel like their social anxiety is too much for them to go, or maybe they're just not keen on hanging out with a particular crowd. 


It might help for you to think about the reasons why you feel like you don't want to go at the last minute, or - if you can't think of any reasons - maybe consider the feelings or thoughts you have which affect your decision to cancel plans at the last minute.


Also this feeling of wanting to disappear - is that like wanting to disappear from other people and be alone? Or wanting to just disappear completely from the face of the earth?


Also, hope you have a great day too! Smiley Very Happy

Re: Social Events

I never act upon my urges, it's just I wanna shut myself out and ignore everyone and everything except for the few things that make me happy.

Re: Social Events

Just from other people. I'm also nonstop tired but I still try my best to go to events. 

Re: Social Events

The stuff the usually pops into my head is nothing to be honest. Just strong urges not to go and then deep sadness just rolls overs me and I keep trying to think of ways of getting out of the event most common one that I think of is harming myself in some way. 

Re: Social Events

Hey @Phoon that sounds really hard, and I am sure a few people on the forums can relate as well. Sometimes in life you go through these intense phases of just wanting to shut off in your comfort zone. I know in the past I have gotten the guilts when I withdraw from social events, but at the same time we can't rush into situations when we are not feeling ourselves. How long have you felt this way?   It sounds like you are on a bit of a journey of self discovery, perhaps you need some time to process that with yourself? Or I could be off the mark?


Thinking of harming yourself can still be a very sad place to sit, if you ever would like to chat to someone about that there's a few services on hand such as Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467 or Lifeline 13 11 14.

Re: Social Events

Around 6 or so months I've felt like this and what do you mean by self discovery?? and who knows maybe it is best for me to just lay off social events, i'm kinda popular and i get invited to heaps so maybe its overwhelming for me who knows. but thank you alot for the help means alot

Re: Social Events

Hey @Phoon and welcome to RO,

I completely understand where you're coming from. Whenever I get invited out, I have to resist the urge to cancel on them because they are terrifying. Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone either, just to be alone.
Do you spend any time just for yourself? Like, taking an afternoon or a whole day just for you to be completely alone and do whatever you feel like?

Like you mentioned in your last post, you might be feeling overwhelmed with the amount of social events. Have you told anyone about how you've been feeling?

Re: Social Events

No, I never open up to anyone, not even my closest friends. I keep secrets about my personal life for years from friends I've known for 1 year(s) and upwards and usually after school or on weekends I really shut myself out. But that doesn't help. I also when I stay at friends for more than one day I get this sickening feeling and a urge just to run home. I guess that could be called homesick but I feel it even at home sometimes and other people are over. I just get this real horrible gut feeling and I have something that makes me want to tell them to get out for no reason.  The best feeling I really get is when I'm home and it's night or raining and i'm reading a book with some music or playing games with some music or cooking. Just real unmotivated to do much it's even impacted on me getting a job.