Hi anyone reading this,
I've just been feeling quite down lately as I live with my stepfather and two stepbrothers who are both 20 whilst I am 19. My parents are both dead and my stepfather has taken care for me for the past 5 years when my mother died. We have never really got along and there has always been some coldness between my stepfamily and I but I have tried to manage. I help out as much as I can at home but have 2 part-time jobs and am in my first year of uni but my stepfather insists that I do most of the chores at home even though he and my stepbrothers are both perfectly able. He says that out of the three boys I am the most hardworking which means he thinks I should do most of the housework and I have told him that my stepbrothers can do it and then he just defends them and makes me feel like crap. He has repeatedly judged my sense of fashion as he wears the most expensive clothing whilst I'm more casual and he just makes me feel so low and brings my self-esteem down. Last week I had a uni ball and I was ready to leave the house in my newly bought tuxedo and he tore some of the sleeve off because he grabbed my arm and was shouting at me. I have asked my friends for help and I've tried to take their advice it just seems like nothing works. It would be great if I could get along with my stepfamily but they have always looked down on me and cast me aside as the "other one"
Could I please get some advice on what to do it would be much appreciated
@coffee_lover19 I'm sorry to hear you've been going through such a tough time. It sounds like you're not feeling supported by your family and kind of feel like an outsider. It sounds like things got pretty intense last week. I'm wondering if things have ever gotten physical between you and your stepdad and if you've ever felt unsafe?
Is there another adult in your life that you have talked to about this? If not, would you be able to speak to a teacher, school counsellor or another adult you might feel safe talking to?
Thanks @TOM-RO for your consideration I appreciate it. To answer your question, no nothing physical has ever happened between me and my stepdad just that incident about my tux its more just been verbally abusive. My stepfamily just in a way make me feel like their personal slave and I have been upfront about sharing the responsibilities and chores in the house but they all just gang up and say I should do it. I've tried not doing any chores and see what would happen but they're lazy and don't do anything. I haven't spoken to anyone really besides my friends for help and I have no biological siblings, and as I live in the country my extended family are quite far away to talk to.
Hey @coffee_lover19, verbal abuse is still something horrific to have to experience. Household chores can always make things really unfair, I am sorry that you feel like you do all the work it is upset to feel like nobody else is helping. I am glad you have friends to speak to although your extended family is far away. How have your friends been able to support you?
There are services like Kids Help Line (webchat, telephone) and 1800RESPECT (telephone) that have a whole lot of valuable information. 1800RESPECT is a support service for all types of violence and Kids Help Line is general support for a whole range of issues. You might find them super useful being away from your family and others services What do you think?
Hi @Taylor-RO for offering your advice. My friends have told me to just stand up to my stepdad and I have but he never listens and ignores my opinion about anything. He always wants to be right and even though I'm 19 I feel like I he still treats me like a kid and I'm sick of it. I can't exactly leave home either as I don't have anywhere to go. Its just hard cause if they don't help out with the housework, it just gets left there and they always expect me to do something about it.
It much be such a hard thing to go through losing your parents having to live with someone who treats you poorly. I assume these people are the only 'family' you have left? If there's nowhere to go and if you're feeling brave and strong enough, you should look at the option to move out. Live by yourself, maybe there's a cheap one bedroom apartment somewhere?
I honestly don't know how to approach step families. I would think that your stepfather would always choose family over an outsider. It's unfortunate and I don't know if any amount of talking and convincing would remove him from that stance. Considering your stepfather already has a volatile temper, maybe skip the talk I think.
Hi @LeoTheLion for your listening its much thankful. But, yes I really don't know what to do as my stepdad is not the kind of man to take orders or really listen to anyone else's opinions. Its either his way or the high way and even though he's never physically abused, he psychologically abuses me, puts me down and literally devotes all his time to his sons and never me. I'm pretty sure he has never even loved me in the 5 years we have lived together and none of my stepbrothers seem to show any care for me. It can just feel so depressing and upsetting to have no one to speak to thats my proper family and my stepdad has said to me that doing more chores around the house will distract me from thinking of my dead parents or feeling alone but its just an excuse.
@coffee_lover19 what you're up against here with your Stepdad's behaviour will make you an exceptionally strong individual. But along the way it's important you get support. Your Stepfather's behaviour is not okay at all - so well done on reaching out. I want you to know that despite his capacity for love, we all love you here at RO and there will be others that love you too in this life.
@Taylor-RO mentioned KHL in an earlier post. I really want to encourage you to get in touch with them as soon as you can. They're 100% confidential (unless you're at imminent risk of hurting yourself or others), and if you don't want to chat on the phone you can webchat with one of their counsellor's here. Would you think about reaching out to them?
Have you given thought to the possibility of moving out @coffee_lover19? Like money wise and stuff. Because I don't know how long you'll be able to stay at your place currently without seriously hurting your mental health.
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