Hey it breaks my heart to read this and I'm so glad you posted on this forum. This place is nothing but supportive and I hope you can find a sense of safety on here.
I know it can be tough to know if family is toxic because they are the only people you spend so much time with. Feelings about family can get complicated and I get that. It pains me to hear what you've been through, especially being a child who should be the one cared for and on top of that you didn't have the support you deserved either through extended family or counselling. You are such a tough cookie for going through all this and I admire your strength.
I can definitely relate to the blurred lines of family because i was so close to my brother (him being a guardian, pseudo-father, brother and best friend) and it was crazy. During those years with him I didn't even realise how much of an impact he had on my thinking etc. so I get how easy lines blur. I also relate to having to step up to care for family. My mum's health is bad and her language barrier means I do a lot of the admin things for my family even at a young age. On top of that my father was emotionally/verbally abusive and most days were chaotic.
I think it's easy for outsiders like me to say whatever we think is the case but the reality is we are not you and you know yourself best. I think a good rule of thumb is if you feel a certain way e.g. tired, stressed, anxious, angry etc. it's all justified and it comes from a place that's valid. It sounds like your mum hasn't been all that healthy in supporting you and your own space and need for growth. Your current situation of homelessness saddens me but I'm glad you are going to get Jobseeker payment. I hope you find your own space and with that time will help you to grow.
You deserve so much more. If you ever need free counselling sessions, I know headspace offers them but you'll have to see them in person and then see their GP for 10 referral sessions i believe. The wait time is generally months but it's still free. I wish you the best and I'm here to support you on this forum
Coffee and a walk sounds good @JadeM - I might do the same
Phoning someone else sounds good, it's great you are being so proactive about your wellbeing. Do you know who you might try calling?
With the carer payment, if you are your mums registered carer and you fit all the eligibility criteria for the payment, you would be entitled to that payment. Is your mum saying the money that you receive for being her carer should go to her?
Payments and their requirements can be super confusing, would it be helpful to call Centrelink and see what they say? (132 717 is the phone number to chat about carers allowance)
That is totally understandable that you'd be feel exhausted, what you're going through sounds pretty overwhelming and feeling anxious can be so draining too. Be kind to yourself with getting support, you're doing your best
Both of those services are good options, Beyond Blue is quite general and 1800 Respect is specific to domestic and family violence, So it just depends on what kind of support you're after. Other services you could try are Kids Helpline (info here ) or eheadspace (info here) who are both youth focused
That sounds really frustrating and unfair that your mum is saying that about your payments will your job seeker payments start on Monday?
I understand you're unsure whether you want to go with your mum on Monday, it seems like a pretty big decision. What do you think you might do if you don't go with her?
I'll be logging off pretty soon but someone else will be around tonight and over the weekend, please reach out if you need some support or want to chat through things
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